Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When it poured and I hadn’t brought an umbrella,

other children had parents who came to pick them up. I had to run home through the rain.

The firewood was soaked through and wouldn’t light, so I could only soften dried noodles in cold water and eat them with a little pickled vegetable. I lived like that for several days.

At night, snow-white lightning tore the darkness apart right outside the window.

Other children could hide in their parents’ arms.

I could only wrap myself in my old cotton quilt, layer after layer.

Winter nights were the hardest.

My feet stayed cold all night.

The quilt was stiff and heavy.

It pressed down on my chest like a brick, giving me nightmare after nightmare.

I dreamed of the day my parents divorced. It was pouring rain.

My uncle drove a tractor over to pick up my mother.

I clung to the edge of the vehicle and cried with all my might.

My mother was crying too.

My uncle sighed and said, “Jingjing, be sensible.

“If your mother takes along a burden like you, it’ll be hard for her to remarry.”

I froze for no more than two seconds before my mother pried my fingers loose and shoved me to the ground.

With tears streaming down her face, she said, “Jingjing, don’t blame Mom. If you want to blame someone, blame your useless father.”

Then I dreamed of the day my father left for the south to work, carrying a huge bag on his back.

I ran after him the whole way, falling again and again, then climbing back up.

My hands were scraped raw. Grit and mud mixed with blood, smearing across my entire palms.

I asked, “Dad, what am I supposed to do if you leave?”

He sounded terribly impatient. “I left rice, flour, and oil for you at home. What, you think you’ll starve to death?

“If I don’t go out and earn money, what are you going to eat and drink?

“If you want to blame someone, blame your mother. She’s more vicious than a snake. She doesn’t even want her own daughter.”

I followed him, crying the whole time.

He slapped me across the face.

“Stop crying. I’m leaving on a long journey, and you’re sobbing like this. Are you trying to curse me to die out there?”

When I woke up, my pillow was wet.

I shouldn’t have cried.

The weather had been gloomy lately, and there was no way to put the pillow out in the sun.

It was damp, making it even harder to sleep.

Children adapt quickly.

Little by little, I got used to it.

I learned to cook without burning the food, to bathe in cold water without catching a cold, to endure pain without crying out, and to fall asleep in a cold bed.

Every day, I went to school alone, came home alone, ate alone, and slept alone.

Alone, I stood on the tall mountaintop and looked down at the warmth and bustle in every household.

I thought I had already learned how to endure suffering and loneliness.

Just as Dad said, I wouldn’t die.

Soon, the days reached the twelfth lunar month.

Mom called Dapeng’s house looking for me.

Her voice was very cheerful. “Jingjing, Mom is getting married on the twenty-second. When the time comes, have your uncle bring you over with him.”

Then she reminded me, “If any of the guests ask, just say you’re your uncle’s daughter.”

I asked anxiously, “Then can I live with you from now on?”