Chapter 2

I had never been to Shangjing before. Even I found it absurd.

My first visit to the capital, and I had come to the Xie residence to end my engagement.

Xie Shijing was enjoying himself in Yangzhou. The person I met was his mother, now mistress of the Xie household.

People mocked my country upbringing and supposed ignorance of etiquette. Yet when I accepted the hot tea the maid offered, my elbows were level and my shoulders relaxed. My bearing could not have been more proper.

They did not know that my mother had drilled manners into me from childhood, with a stick in her hand.

She used a wooden ruler to correct my posture and bearing, little by little.

She said I would one day be the wife of the Xie family’s eldest son.

Not because she particularly cherished that position. Our family had already fallen on hard times.

If I should one day have to live under my mother-in-law’s roof, I could not let others laugh at a general’s daughter from Luochuan for not even knowing how to behave.

She said, “Baizhi, your father and brothers can no longer protect you.

“Once, you could have been as willful as you pleased and no one would have dared say a word.

“I cannot protect you either. In everything, you must rely on yourself.”

I skimmed a little foam from the tea. Moving so slowly, I nearly let my tears fall.

Mother never knew that I learned those manners neither for myself nor for the Xies.

I learned them only to give her a little peace of mind.

I swallowed the heat behind my eyes with a mouthful of tea. When I raised my head, nothing showed on my face.

Madam Xie brushed a pearl flower at her temple. She was smiling, but there was a slight awkwardness in her expression. She motioned for a maid to bring more refreshments.

“Come, let your aunt look at you. A few years apart, and our Baizhi has grown into such a lovely girl! What a pity that rascal Shijing isn’t here. Otherwise you two could meet. All these years, he’s often spoken of you as the little sister living far away.”

There were three things wrong with Madam Xie’s words.

First, our families had not been apart for a few years, but for more than a decade. After my father and brothers died, we exchanged occasional letters. In the years that followed, the Xies rose ever higher while the Songs remained in their remote corner of the realm. Gradually, the letters we sent received no answer.

I did not resent them for it. They were not the only powerful family in the capital to sever ties with us. Once people were gone, friendship cooled; the world was an indifferent place. That was ordinary enough.

But given the engagement between us, it was still rather chilling.

Second, before even marrying, Xie Shijing was appearing everywhere with a courtesan he kept as a mistress. Such disregard for propriety and shame trampled the Song family’s dignity. How could she brush it aside with the word “rascal”?

Third, if Xie Shijing truly thought of me so often, how had I reached nineteen without being married?

I thanked the maid for the refreshments and bowed to Madam Xie.

“Marriage is a matter for one’s parents to decide. But both my parents are dead, so I must make this visit myself. I believe the gatekeeper has already told you, Aunt: I have come to end my engagement with your family.”

The little finger hidden inside her sleeve trembled.

For her, a voluntary withdrawal by the Songs was welcome news.

She had long favored Minister Zhang’s legitimate daughter, a noblewoman whose family could be of great help to Shijing. Only the engagement his grandfather had arranged prevented her from raising the subject.

Yet breaking with the Songs would invite criticism.

For three generations, the Song men had loyally given their lives for the country. Now only one orphaned girl remained… It would not sound well if word got out.

I could see every calculation Madam Xie was making.

I was not afraid she would refuse.

Tangible advantage, or an uncertain reputation.

Had they not been choosing between the two all these years?

She considered for a moment. Guilt flickered through her eyes, and I knew she had made up her mind.

“Your engagement to Jing was arranged by his grandfather,” she said. “You were still an infant then. A marriage fixed so early is both a duty and a burden. If your temperaments do not suit, you might end up resenting one another. Now that you wish to end it, what plans have you for the future? My Jing may be headstrong, but he is dependable enough. Why don’t you become brother and sister? Then you would still have someone to look after you.”

She wanted to end the engagement without earning a reputation for bullying an orphan.

Three parts sincerity, seven parts pretense: every word purported to consider my welfare.

But if she truly cared for my welfare, why wait until I ended the engagement to consider it?

I sighed inwardly.

“Thank you for your kindness, Aunt. But the Song family has been loyal to the last. Every one of our men fought bloody battles and gave his life for the country. Since my father and brothers died, I have grown accustomed to being on my own. To suddenly acquire an older brother of another surname, whose temperament does not suit mine—I would find that rather uncomfortable.”

What I meant was that Xie Shijing was unworthy.

Perhaps he was exceptionally clever and had achieved a little in certain fields. But my father and brothers had died for the country, defending the court above and protecting the common people below. They had been men of true stature.

How could Xie Shijing deserve to be my brother?

Still less my husband.