chapter 1

As I lay dying, Shen Yanchu returned to the Chief Minister’s residence after half a year away.

“Madam, have you been well?”

At the sound of his voice, I struggled to open my eyes and looked at the man who had broken my heart beyond repair.

His hair had gone entirely white, yet he was still handsome—just as refined and flawless as the day we first met.

I could still remember that day. Mischievous as I was, I had climbed a tree, only to lose my nerve when it was time to come down. Just as I teetered on the branch and was about to fall, I dropped into a warm embrace.

I looked up and found myself staring into a face of breathtaking beauty.

He had lowered his eyes with a soft laugh. “Third Miss He, are you hurt?”

It was love at first sight.

From that moment on, my devotion never wavered.

Yet after we married, he never called me Third Sister again.

He never called me Yaoniang, either.

To him, I was only ever “Madam”—polite and distant.

I used to console myself by saying that he was simply reserved and did not know how to express his feelings.

Then, by chance, I found the letters he had written to my elder sister in his study.

He called her Rongniang.

Every line was intimate and tender, brimming with love for her.

Only then did I understand that he had never loved me at all.

At the memory, tears blurred my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. My voice trembled with the weakness of someone near death. “My lord, could you call me Yaoniang just once?”

“Madam—”

His brows drew together, as if in faint impatience.

So it had been wishful thinking after all.

I turned toward the silk tree outside the window. I had planted it on the first day of our marriage, though I did not know when it had withered and died.

In the end, this vast residence had exhausted the last remnant of love in me.

“Shen Yanchu, in my next life, I don’t want to love you anymore. Loving you is too exhausting. And I never want to marry you again. This residence is too large… and far too cold…”

Powerless, I closed my eyes.

Through the haze, I thought I heard Shen Yanchu’s choked voice.

“Yaoniang, don’t leave me—”

But I must have heard wrong.

Shen Yanchu had a heart of ice. Why would he ever weep for me?

All I asked was that I never meet him again in my next life.

But when I opened my eyes once more and saw Shen Yanchu before me, I froze.

He knelt on the ground, his expression solemn. “Only after earning a place on today’s imperial examination honor roll did I dare come to your noble residence and propose. I ask only that the General grant me his beloved daughter’s hand.”

Shen Yanchu’s handsome face still carried a trace of youth. His voice was clear and cool, like jade striking jade, and it jolted me back to my senses.

I had been reborn.

I had returned to my coming-of-age ceremony in my previous life—the very day Shen Yanchu came to ask for my hand.

Everyone gathered in the main courtyard covered their mouths and laughed softly, though there was no malice in it.

My parents watched me with smiles as well.

Everyone knew I adored Shen Yanchu. Faced with his proposal, how could I possibly refuse?

Shen Yanchu knew it too.

The moment he saw my father nod, he walked over to me and held out a jade pendant. “Third Miss He, my mother left this to me before she passed away. It has been handed down to every daughter-in-law of the Shen family as a blessing for harmony between husband and wife. Today, I entrust it to you. May our marriage fulfill my mother’s wish, and may we love one another until our hair turns white.”

The very same speech he had given in my last life.

But his wish had not come true.

Shen Yanchu and I had indeed grown old together, but there had never been love between us.

Given another life, I did not want to spend cold night after cold night alone in the Chief Minister’s residence.

I was greedy.

High status without love was no longer enough for me.

It had been too bitter.

And far too tiring.

I left the pendant untouched. The voices around us gradually faded, and everyone stared at me in shock and confusion.

My expression remained calm as I slowly stepped back.

Then, under Shen Yanchu’s astonished gaze, I smiled.

“Shen Yanchu, I’m not going to marry you.”

In this life, I wanted to find someone who loved me.