chapter 2

chapter 2

Madam Shen exchanged pleasantries with me for a while before clearing her throat.

“That wretch has told me he means to divorce you. As his elder, I am naturally loath to part with you.”

“But he has a mind of his own now. There is only so much we parents can do.”

She appeared to be apologizing, but her words carried the same arrogance and contempt Shen Linzhang had shown the day before.

When I first married into the family, she had clasped my hands and called me her wonderful daughter-in-law. She praised my loyalty and said I was nothing like those fair-weather friends who flocked to power.

She had even promised that if I took good care of Shen Linzhang, General Shen would one day exchange his military merit for an honorary title for me.

In hindsight, every word had been convenient flattery.

I had no desire to endure the rest of her preamble.

“You needn’t worry. I will leave tomorrow.”

I thought that would end the conversation. Instead, Madam Shen changed tack.

“That is not what I meant. You cared for Zhang’er for three years. Even if you achieved no great merit, you still labored on his behalf.”

“If he divorces you the moment he recovers, what will people say? They will think the Shens are callous and ungrateful.”

I arched a brow. “So?”

“So you will stay for a while longer. Think of it as keeping an old woman company.”

I laughed coldly. “There is no affection between us. The sooner we separate, the better.”

I had entered the Shen residence to repay a debt. Now that Shen Linzhang had recovered, that debt was settled.

Why should I remain and perform this charade for outsiders?

Madam Shen’s warmth vanished. Sitting upright in the seat of honor, she sipped her tea.

“You are merely an adopted daughter. Allowing you a few more days as a general’s lawful wife is already an honor.”

“If you know what is good for you, I will have someone give you a travel permit.”

The threat beneath her words was unmistakable.

If I refused to cooperate, the Shens had countless ways to make a woman like me vanish without a trace.

She set her teacup down heavily. The crisp sound struck my ears like a warning bell.

I shivered and remembered Shen Linzhao’s favorite boast.

“My mother dotes on me more than anyone.”

In three years at the residence, I had never once mentioned him. Partly, I feared exposing our history. Partly, I feared causing his parents more grief.

But Madam Shen’s reaction made me wonder whether another Shen family lived somewhere in the capital.

Had I repaid my debt to the wrong house?

After a moment’s hesitation, I could not stop myself from asking, “Do you still remember Shen Linzhao?”

Her face changed before I finished speaking.

“Why mention that unfilial wretch who denied his parents?” she snapped. “We may as well consider him dead!”

Her voice seethed with loathing, as though Shen Linzhao were the greatest shame of her life.

Pain cracked through my chest.

My thoughts were chaos.

What did she mean?

Shen Linzhao, why is the Shen family you described so different from the one I have known?

Why has the best mother in the world, as you called her, become a vicious woman who curses you to death?

…

Madam Shen held my travel permit hostage and forced me to stay.

Shen Linzhang assumed I was clinging to the household of my own accord.

When he returned, I had already signed the letter of divorce and left it on the desk.

He stormed through the door.

“You agreed to leave, and now you refuse? Are country women all this shameless?”

His voice was glacial. He slammed a palm against the bookcase, and the medical texts tumbled to the floor.

I crouched at once to gather them, too frantic to explain.

Convinced that I had engineered this, he planted one foot on a book. No matter how hard I tugged, it would not come free.

His contempt descended from above.

“Li Cuicui, do you truly love this general, or can you not bear to surrender wealth and status?”

I took a deep breath and carefully placed the books in my arms on the desk before looking up.

“Your mother said it would be scandalous for you to divorce me the moment you recovered. She told me to wait before leaving.”

Shen Linzhang plainly did not believe me.

“My mother just told me that you begged her to let you stay. You said you could not bear to leave this general and wanted a chance to win me back.”

He had always been stubborn. Once he made a decision, ten oxen could not drag him from it.

Madam Shen was desperate to restore her relationship with her son, so she placed every fault on me.

“In that case, the letter is signed. Give me my travel permit, and from this day on, we will have nothing to do with each other.”

I expected him to agree without hesitation.

Instead, he decided I was playing hard to get. He snatched up the letter and tore it to pieces in front of me.

“Women like you live by deception. First you pretend to agree to a divorce. Then you use your past service to force my mother to speak for you.”

“Now that playing hard to get has failed, I suppose your next act will be injuring yourself for sympathy?”

I hurled everything on the table at him and told him to get out.

He straightened his robes.

“Since you refuse a dignified end, we will not divorce after all. When this general is in a better mood, perhaps I will grant you a repudiation letter.”

He had arrived in a fury and departed in one, leaving the room in ruins.

I stood amid the wreckage, a nameless pressure swelling in my chest until I could scarcely breathe.

To him, I was only a country woman greedy for comfort.

My rage and despair were merely crude tricks beneath his notice.

Shen Linzhang cut off the allowance and provisions due to the young madam of the house.

Then I fell ill.

My body felt as heavy as lead. Feverish and faint, I lay in bed while the entire household kept its distance, knowing I had angered him.

The water jug I had smashed still lay in shards across the floor. No one cleaned them away. No one brought a replacement.

At last, the steward entered.

All his former respect was gone.

“General Huo is ill. The young master knows Madam has studied medicine, so he ordered this servant to collect your books for the physicians.”

Too weak to rise, I forced out an order for him to stop.

He ignored me.

The shelves were soon bare.

Then his eyes settled on the Compendium of General Medicine lying on the desk.

I tried to drag myself up, but my limbs failed, and I fell from the bed.

“You can take everything else,” I begged. “Please leave me that book.”

Perhaps I looked too wretched to ignore. Compassion flickered in his eyes.

“The others do not matter, but the young master specifically ordered me to bring this one.”

“Forgive me, Young Madam.”

I watched helplessly as he took it away.

The door creaked shut.

The room was dim and devastated.

I lay on the floor. Fire gathered in my throat, strangely sweet.

Then bright blood spilled from my mouth.

Shen Linzhao, I lost the book you treasured above all else.

The keepsake is gone. The final bond between us has been severed.

A hundred years from now, beneath the Bridge of Forgetfulness, will you still remember me?

That year, on the roof of your earthen house in Yaozhou, you sat beneath the moon and drank fiery spirits by the mouthful while describing Chang’an.

You spoke of its endless carriages, painted rafters, and carved beams—a luxury a village girl like me would never witness in her lifetime.

Yaozhou was all wind and sand, a thousand miles removed from the capital.

Yet you said, “Thank heaven you are in Yaozhou. Thank heaven you have never been to Chang’an.”

I did not understand. Thinking you looked down on me, I pounded you with my fists.

If Chang’an was so splendid, why could I not go?

You smiled and shook your head, a sorrow in your eyes I could not read.

“Chang’an is too vast. You would lose your way there—and once you did, you might never find your way out.”

Only now did I understand.

It was not the city that was vast.

It was the tangled web of power, the unseen flash of blades.

It pressed down so heavily that I could not even escape the Shen residence.

When I woke, someone had moved me back onto the bed. The bitter smell of medicine filled the room.

Auntie Yong was spooning a decoction into my mouth.

The moment she saw my eyes open, she exhaled. “Amitabha Buddha. You were unconscious for three days. At last you are awake.”

My voice was painfully hoarse as I thanked her.

The bookcase stood empty.

Had Shen Linzhang not returned once in all three days?

Auntie Yong followed my gaze, and pity flashed over her face. She must have thought I was grieving for him.

Before she could offer comfort, I asked, “Do you know Shen Linzhao?”

Her eyes flew wide. She clapped a hand over my mouth.

“Quiet, Madam. That name is forbidden in this house.”

She had been born into the household and raised here. The fact that she had cared for me despite my circumstances also proved she was not without kindness.

Madam Shen’s hatred and Shen Linzhang’s ingratitude contradicted everything Shen Linzhao had ever told me.

I needed the truth.

This decent woman was my only hope.

“At the bottom of my dressing case, you will find every tael of my allowance from the past three years,” I said, gripping her hand. “Auntie Yong, please tell me.”

Her eyes moved to the case. She hesitated for a long while.

I struggled out of bed, staggered across the room, and opened it. Five hundred taels in banknotes lay inside.

I pushed every note into her sleeve.

Only when the fabric bulged with silver did she begin to speak.

The Shen Linzhao in her story had never been the family’s pride.

He was an abandoned son no one was permitted to see, a child despised by everyone beneath that roof.