chapter 5

On the way down the mountain, the Daoist nun clung to Zhenguan at the head of our group, while the young monk Lingguan and I trailed behind.

“Sister Zhizhi, did you really… s-sleep with Senior Brother?” Lingguan asked cautiously.

I folded my arms and stared darkly at the pair walking shoulder to shoulder ahead of us. “Ask your senior brother. He knows best whether we slept together.”

Lingguan covered his mouth, looked toward Zhenguan, then turned wounded eyes on me. “I don’t dare ask. But if Senior Brother breaks his vows, he’ll die.”

“Die? Nonsense. If he breaks his vows, he can return to secular life. You haven’t seen how wonderful the world outside is, little monk. It’s far freer and more delightful than being stuck in that dreary temple of yours…”

Up ahead, the Daoist nun suddenly slipped and naturally fell into Zhenguan’s arms.

I nearly choked on my own breath. That nun had even more tricks than I did.

Lingguan stood beside me, shaking his head in simple confusion.

“Wait, that’s not right. Senior Brother looks perfectly fine. Sister Zhizhi, you lied. Senior Brother didn’t break his vows. He never…”

I glared at him. He instinctively backed up two steps and clamped his mouth shut. I fixed a sinister stare upon the intimate pair ahead and ground my teeth.

“Little monk, who is that nun? Why does she call Zhenguan her senior brother?” One was Buddhist and the other Daoist. What sort of senior brother and junior sister were they supposed to be?

“Senior Sister He Tian’s master is close to our master. She has followed Senior Brother around since she was little.”

Oh.

“My feet hurt. I’m not walking anymore.” My feet hurt, and jealousy made my teeth ache. I plopped down where I stood.

“But Sister Zhizhi, if we don’t descend soon, it will be dark again.” Lingguan anxiously tried to pull me up.

I refused to move. Picking up a dead twig, I drew circles in the snow. “Then carry me.”

Steady footsteps crunched over the snow, and white robes entered my lowered field of vision.

“What is it?” So the wretched monk had finally deigned to notice me.

“Sister Zhizhi’s feet hurt. She can’t walk,” Lingguan hurriedly explained.

That wretched nun cut in. “Benefactress, we have urgent business and no time to humor you. If you insist on throwing a tantrum, we’ll leave without you.”

I rubbed my eyes, buried my face in my knees, and said sullenly, “As though I care. Go, then. I’m not traveling with you anymore. I hate you all.”

“Who do you think you are? Come, let’s go. If we don’t get down the mountain, the snow will start again and we’ll have nowhere to stay. Senior Brother Zhenguan, ignore her. I have no idea who indulged her into such awful habits.”

You wretched nun. You were the one with awful habits.

“Lingguan, come.”

“But Sister Zhizhi…”

“Are you disobeying me? I might tell your master that you lust after women.”

The wretched nun was simply jealous that I was prettier.

Snow crunched beneath receding steps. Had they gone? All of them? Zhenguan too?

I buried my face more deeply and sighed. My stomach was empty, my feet ached, and my nose stung. Tears pattered down. Let them leave. Who cared? Wretched monk. Rotten nun. It was not as though I could not walk by myself.

My dress was wet across the knees. It was so cold that I could not suppress a shiver.

“Where does it hurt?” A resigned voice sounded above me.

I looked up blankly. Zhenguan stood before me with furrowed brows and a faint chill in his expression.

Why did he look so fierce? I hastily scrubbed away my tears with the back of my hand. “None of your business.” As though he were anything special. Wretched monk.

Without a word, he crouched and took hold of my ankle.

“What are you doing?” I twisted, trying to escape his grasp.

So much for gentleness. The moment he saw his junior sister, he stopped caring about me.

“Stop fussing.” With a sigh, he began removing my shoe.

“You snapped at me.” My eyes were still red.

“I did not.”

“You did. Wretched monk, you snapped at me. What are you doing now? Leave my foot alone.”

He had kissed me and refused to take responsibility. Now he wanted to fondle my foot too. Wretched monk.

I edged backward, trying to pull my foot away, but he locked one hand around it and held me fast.

“Very well, I snapped at you.” He raised his eyes to mine, his gaze gentle as water. “Now let me see. Where does it hurt?”

Under that tender gaze, I forgot to struggle. “The left. The right. Both.”

He removed one shoe. The sock around my toes was soaked with blood. It looked hideous. I instinctively drew back, but his grip tightened, his expression darkening.

“Why did you not say so earlier?” His low question held muted anger.

“You’re snapping again.” I glared at him.

He fell silent.

“Senior Brother Zhenguan, why bother with her?” The wretched nun had returned and was glaring furiously at me.

I stuck out my tongue and made a face, then swiftly snatched my foot back and put on my shoe.

“Then don’t bother. As though I care about your precious Senior Brother Zhenguan.” I picked up a dead branch and used it to haul myself unsteadily upright. “You take the broad road, and I’ll take my narrow bridge. No one needs to concern themselves…”

Suddenly, my feet left the ground. An arm had swept me up by the waist.

“Senior Brother Zhenguan!” Two voices cried out.

I was a little stunned too. I stared straight at him.

He acted as though nothing unusual had happened. “Once we find an inn, I will dress your wounds.”

I pouted and gently poked the front of his robe.

“You chose to carry me and treat me. I never asked for your help.”

“Mm. It was this humble monk’s choice.” He lowered his eyes, the arm around my waist drawing tighter.

The wretched nun stamped her foot in fury. “Senior Brother! It isn’t as though she has no feet.”

Lingguan scratched his gleaming head, then asked hesitantly, “Senior Brother? Didn’t Master say that monks should keep their distance from women?”

“Mm.” Zhenguan nodded and said without expression, “But her feet hurt.”

My tears vanished into laughter. I winked at the wretched nun, who swept her sleeves angrily and marched ahead.

“Are you cold?” Zhenguan’s low voice was lovely.

Smiling with my lips pressed together, I gazed into his liquid phoenix eyes and nodded obediently.

“Cold.”

“Lingguan, take out another robe.”

“What? Senior Brother, I thought you never let anyone touch your…”

Zhenguan’s voice deepened. “She is cold.”

“Oh.”

The scent of sandalwood enveloped me from head to toe.

I buried my face against his chest and nuzzled him. “Zhenguan, I’m hungry.”

“What do you wish to eat?”

“A piping-hot bowl of noodles.”

“Mm.”

There was a small village at the foot of the mountain, its few scattered lights flickering. We stopped at a little noodle stall. When the wooden lid of the pot opened in the snowy night, billows of white steam escaped, carrying such a rich fragrance on the wind that my mouth watered.

Our noodles arrived quickly, steaming hot. Without looking closely, I wound a large mouthful around my chopsticks and slurped it down. My face fell. There were scallions in the noodles.

The wretched nun sat across from me, watching. If I said I did not eat scallions, she would call me spoiled again. We glared at each other while I slowly forced them down.

“Sister Zhizhi, did you swallow a fly?” Lingguan leaned closer to study me.

I gave him a lovely smile. “Ha. Ha. Go away. You’re the one who eats flies.”

The wretched nun snorted. “Someone’s too delicate for food from a street stall.”

I tightened my grip on my chopsticks. “Who are you calling delicate?”

“Whoever refuses to eat.”

I—I would show her. I stared at the chopped scallions floating in my bowl, took a deep breath, and lifted another bite.

“Do not eat it.” Zhenguan, who had been silent all this while, suddenly spoke.

I glanced at him. He did not look pleased. I was the one who had asked for noodles, and we had walked a long way to find this stall. If I now complained about the scallions, he would certainly think me spoiled.

“I… I rather like them.” I lowered my head and stirred my bowl. Mustering my courage, I held my breath.

“Eat this.” He pushed a bowl without scallions in front of me.

I stared. A small empty bowl sat by his hand. He had been quiet because he was picking out every piece of scallion.

“How did you know I don’t eat scallions?” I had not known him before Zhaoling Temple.

The other two turned to stare at him along with me.

He lowered his eyes and did not answer.

I bit my chopstick and studied him.

“Zhenguan, did you know me before? Perhaps you harbored… unusual feelings for me? Did you go to Zhaoling Temple not by chance, but specifically to rescue me?”

He Tian immediately slapped the table. “Impossible. Master Hongyun sent Senior Brother to Zhaoling Temple.”

I tugged Zhenguan’s sleeve. “Zhenguan, tell me. What is going on?”

He rubbed his brow, shook his head, and looked at me with weary helplessness. Then he pointed to my bowl.

“Look for yourself.”

I glanced down. Oh. While stirring the noodles, I had pushed all the chopped scallions to one side…

Oh.

I had thought no one noticed. So he was simply observant.

He Tian and Lingguan burst out laughing at the same time. I glared at them, lowered my head, and happened to see Zhenguan’s white robe beside me. I accidentally stepped on it.

He gave me an indifferent glance and did not react.

Wretched Zhenguan.

He Tian laughed even harder. Face burning, I bent over my bowl and silently ate…

Fine. I had flattered myself and made a complete fool of myself.