chapter 4
The days that followed were unexpectedly peaceful.
I treated her, and she patiently cooperated.
I took her outside, and she gladly came along.
There was only one small incident.
Perhaps too many nights of hard work had caught up with me, or perhaps I had caught a chill while we were out. Either way, I unexpectedly fell ill.
I lay feverish and dizzy on my bedding until Ji Hanshuang dragged me back into the bed.
Holding a bowl of medicine, she insisted on feeding it to me one spoonful at a time.
I stared miserably at the dark brown liquid.
“I can drink it myself. Taking it one spoonful at a time makes it taste so much more bitter…”
I honestly couldn’t understand what went through the mind of anyone who fed medicine to a patient one spoonful at a time.
I reached for the bowl.
She lightly slapped my hand away.
“What are you doing? One spoonful at a time is the whole point.”
Her expression darkened as she filled the spoon.
“I hope it tastes awful. Maybe you’ll learn your lesson.”
Me: “…”
My fever had left me muddled. Peering through half-open eyes at her intent profile, I let my head loll to one side and mumbled, “Why are you being so nice to me…?”
“Don’t you know… I like you?”
Her hand paused for the briefest instant, then she calmly fed me another spoonful.
“Hah. I’m not blind.”
“…All right. At present, I suppose I technically am.”
I seemed to mumble a few more things after that, but I couldn’t remember them clearly.
I only recalled Ji Hanshuang patting my back and murmuring something too softly for me to hear.
It felt as though she were coaxing me to sleep.
She was so warm. I felt so safe.
I had thought her cooperation and care over these days must mean something.
Perhaps… she liked me a little too?
The thought sent my heart pounding beyond my control.
Then a secret, reckless idea broke through the soil of that hope.
Unable to resist, I rummaged through the house until I found a dusty box in one corner. Inside was a Heart-Truth Candle an old friend from Hehuan Sect had once given me.
My fingers trembled as I held it tightly against my chest.
One night, just before Ji Hanshuang went to sleep, I secretly lit it.
The candle was a Hehuan Sect artifact used to test the sincerity of lovers. Its special fragrance was said to open the hearts of two people in love, making them boldly profess their feelings and hold nothing back. It could even… stir desire.
The flame swayed, releasing a faint fragrance into the room.
I sat beside her bed with my heart racing, fists clenched so tightly that nervous sweat gathered in my palms.
I stared at her peaceful profile and waited, full of hope.
Time passed.
She merely lay there, breathing evenly.
Nothing happened.
My heart missed a beat.
Eventually, she even rolled over with her back to me and complained sleepily, “What is that smell? It’s awful.”
“Next time I’ll help you choose better incense.”
It was as though a basin of icy water had crashed over my head.
She truly didn’t like me.
Everything she had done before must have been an act.
Every secret hope and flicker of joy froze and shattered. The dark desires buried deep inside me were stripped of their cover, exposed in all their ugliness.
You deserve this, Liu Wan.
You imagined everything.
Perhaps she cooperated only to regain her sight and leave. Perhaps every intimate gesture had been a passing whim, pity for a despicable woman hopelessly in love with her—or, more likely, an attempt to lower her shameless captor’s guard so she could escape.
And had I forgotten how much she hated what I was? Even if she somehow loved me now, what would she do when she learned the truth?
I sat beside the bed in defeat, unable to move.
Ji Hanshuang had almost fallen asleep. When I still didn’t lie down, she turned over again and frowned.
“What now, Little Physician Ji? Aren’t you going to sleep?”
I shook my head sadly and said nothing. Instead, I took my old bedding from the cabinet, spread it on the floor again, and lay down in silence.
Ji Hanshuang stared at me in confusion.
“Haven’t you been sleeping in the bed with me these past few nights? You’ve only just recovered. Why sleep on the floor?”
“The weather is cold. The floor is freezing.”
She reached down to pull me up.
I quietly evaded her hand.
“Ji Hanshuang, I’m a little angry.”
She sounded delighted.
“Oh.”
“Is that so, Physician Ji?”
“Then I’m begging you not to be angry.”
I buried my head beneath the covers.
“I’m not joking. Touch me again, and I’ll ignore you.”
Ji Hanshuang: “???”
That wasn’t right.
Usually, she was the one who declared herself angry. The little physician would beg her not to be, and then she would graciously agree to forgive her.
Why didn’t it work when they switched roles?
It made no sense. Was the physician angry because Ji Hanshuang wouldn’t let her sleep on the floor? Did she love the floor that much? How could bedding on the floor be more comfortable than another person?
Ji Hanshuang racked her brain but found no answer.
Was it because she had insulted the incense?
But it truly did smell awful, almost as though it had expired.
Muttering to herself, Ji Hanshuang lay back down. Since I stubbornly refused to return to bed and she no longer dared drag me up, she thought for a moment, tossed the spare quilt over me, then rolled away and went back to sleep.
The Heart-Truth Candle was nearly spent, its fragrance barely lingering. I extinguished it and shoved the remaining stub into the bedside cabinet, where I wouldn’t have to look at it.
I silently gathered the pieces of my heart and spent a sleepless night watching darkness fade into dawn.
Her eyes were recovering quickly under my careful treatment.
A complete cure was close.
Which meant it was almost time… to let her go.