Chapter 10
On the day we left the capital, Bighead and the others, along with the little clique of noble sons, came to see me off.
They accompanied me out of the city, and were still accompanying me ten li farther on.
At last, I said, “Stop seeing me off. Really. All of you, go home!”
“Who said we’re seeing you off? We’re joining the army!”
I was silent for a few seconds. Then I repeated myself.
“Stop seeing me off. Really.”
They pointed indignantly at Ye Cangfeng. “Why does Diaochan get to go?”
“My name isn’t Diaochan, thank you,” said Ye Cangfeng.
In the end, we couldn’t dissuade them. Our number of recruits grew.
We arrived at the frontier in a great procession and went straight into battle before even having a sip of water.
I started mowing them down.
The others pissed and shit themselves on the battlefield, crawling and scrambling about.
Since they’d all been beaten by the same person, even their dodges and escapes matched.
Who says ancient times didn’t have synchronized dancing?
Here, I actually ran into my cousin.
“Is that you, Cousin?”
“Ah! Little cousin!”
He’d made something of himself: he was an officer overseeing grain supplies.
According to everyone, he couldn’t fight very well, but he was excellent at guarding provisions.
The Hu had repeatedly tried to seize the grain. With only fifty men, my cousin had held off eight hundred.
Not a speck of grain was lost.
All that experience fighting me had paid off!
The other people I’d hammered into shape were also surviving nicely on the battlefield.
They hadn’t killed a single person, but participation was what mattered.
Ye Cangfeng devised strategies behind me. Wherever he pointed, I struck.
So I won battle after battle. Nothing could withstand me.
In barely a month, I rose five ranks, from an ordinary soldier to a commandant with three hundred troops.
I put my cousin and my other victims into my unit.
Between beating the enemy, I occasionally beat them too.
It made them all fearless in the face of death. They greeted enemy soldiers like long-lost family.
A fellow officer came to ask for advice.
“Commandant Lu, how do you do it?”
“My surname isn’t Lu.”
“Commandant Xiang…”
“It isn’t Xiang either.”
Oh, I gave up.
“Fine. Call me whatever you like.”
“Commandant Guan.”
Ha. I knew it.
After all, with my disposition, who would ever believe my name was Wu Zheng—“no contention”?
Victory followed victory. The emperor got so excited that he decided to lead the army in person.
The old geezer was getting carried away again!
The general had no choice but to transfer me to guard duty for the emperor.
Unable to fight and kill the enemy, I went around with a long face all day.
The emperor wasn’t happy either. He gossiped about me with the other guards, saying I was arrogant because of my talent.
Until one day, when a sudden surge of heroic spirit made him want to experience the battlefield for himself.
The other guards all objected. I said nothing, only shouldered a great saber and stood behind him.
The moment he reached the battlefield and raised his sword, I charged up and stabbed the enemy soldier dead.
He waved his hand again. I swung my saber, and the enemy in that whole patch fell like harvested wheat.
Anyone who didn’t know better would’ve thought he’d summoned his martial soul’s true form.
The emperor was moved to tears.
“So We are such a prodigy of the martial arts!”
The enemy was deeply shaken too.
Their Great Chanyu couldn’t help asking a subordinate, “Is the emperor of Great Liang really that bloody good?”
“Great Chanyu, the one charging is not the emperor, but his guard: General Ye’s adopted daughter, Wu Zheng of the Feathered Forest Guard. They say she’s Lu Bu reborn. People call her Little Fengxian.”
“That’s a lot of people! Is her adoptive father still alive?”
“He is.”
The Great Chanyu scoffed at once. “Then she can’t possibly be Lu Bu reborn!”
“But they say Xiang Yu’s blood runs in her veins, and Guan Yu has blessed her. She alone can match ten thousand men. Great Chanyu, we must guard against her!”
“Nonsense. There’s no such monster!”
“Great Chanyu, you’re scared.”
“Who the hell wouldn’t be?”
The emperor had had his fill of killing. I hadn’t.
I chased the enemy for ten li, almost reaching the Great Chanyu himself to give him a couple of slaps.
When I returned, the guards complained to the emperor. “Your Majesty, she has no respect for her sovereign! She abandoned you to chase the enemy! Last time you said she was arrogant, and now she’s made another mistake. She must be severely punished!”
“Enough, no more arguing,” said the emperor. “We just asked her. It was indeed a misunderstanding. She’s usually very respectful to Us. We were angry last time, which is why We complained to you. No one is perfect. Even We have Our faults. May everyone find their own Guan Yunchang and live happily together!”
After hearing that, the guards turned red and stood there flustered, like stupid birds.
“Brother, look,” I said. “They’re all blushing at me.”
“That isn’t blushing,” said Ye Cangfeng. “They’re boiling with rage.”
The emperor asked me kindly, “Little Wu, have you ever considered a different adoptive father? We happen to be in need of an incomparably valiant adopted daughter!”
Glancing at Ye Cangfeng, he hastily added, “And Our sons are all exquisite beauties too, fully Cangfeng’s equals. Especially Our crown prince! Handsome, wise, decisive. He’s certain to be good to you as his sister!”
I glanced at Ye Cangfeng too.
“Brother, you’re boiling.”
He ignored me and said stiffly to the emperor, “Your Majesty, Little Zheng is perfectly happy with our family. Forcing away a subject’s daughter would hardly sound proper, would it?”
“You two are brother and sister in name. That hardly sounds proper either, does it?” said the emperor.
Ye Cangfeng fell silent.
“We’ll grant you a marriage,” said the emperor.
Ye Cangfeng nudged me. “Call him Father.”
Obediently, I called the emperor my adoptive father.
Then I looked at Ye Cangfeng again.
“Brother, you’re boiling again.”
“That’s… Oh, never mind. There’s no explaining it to you!”