Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The gifts sent by the Xie Family filled the entire courtyard.

The place I had rented was only one street away from Lu Xiangzhi’s residence.

The gift-bearing procession came with drums and horns, stretching from the head of the street all the way to the end of the alley, with no end in sight.

Ya’er had never seen such fine things before. She carefully touched this and looked at that, then asked in a small voice, “Auntie Yan, is this my sister-in-law’s betrothal gift?”

Only then did I learn that the servant woman who had come to my stall was the steward’s wife. Her surname was Yan.

Seeing how clever Ya’er was, Madam Yan smiled. “This is not a betrothal gift. These are gifts our Second Young Master sent separately to the young lady. Rouge and clothing to add to her trousseau, bird’s nest and donkey-hide gelatin to nourish her complexion.”

Lu Xiangzhi’s expression turned very ugly.

After all, when I had married him, the betrothal gift had only been two bolts of red cloth and three taels of silver.

He had been certain that Xie Wuyang wanted to marry me not out of sincerity, but simply to spite him and make him a laughingstock.

And now, the gifts Xie Wuyang had sent just for me made him look shabby and pitiful by comparison.

At the mention of bird’s nest and donkey-hide gelatin, Lu’s Mother’s eyes shone with greed.

“So much bird’s nest and donkey-hide gelatin-can she possibly finish it all? A mother for one day is a mother for life. As long as I ask, would she dare refuse me?”

Miss Bai Ling stood off to the side. After marrying into the Lu Family, she had grown somewhat haggard. No doubt Lu’s Mother’s old routine of making me stand for lessons in proper behavior and serve her medicine had already been used on her as well.

Looking at the chests full of dresses and jewelry, a trace of envy appeared in her eyes. But fearing Lu Xiangzhi’s displeasure, she lowered her head.

“Our young master knows Miss Shen has a kind heart, so he sent four maids and old women to serve her.”

Madam Yan had managed a household for many years, after all. Her words were soft, but there were needles hidden in the cotton.

“The servants in our manor cannot compare with those of other families. Their tongues are bound to be a little unruly. If anyone gets any crooked ideas, they cannot blame the servants for saying something unpleasant.”

The maids put the gifts away, leaving only the bottommost chest. Xie Wuyang had instructed that I open it myself.

Inside was an exquisitely carved lacquer box, even finer than the boxes that held pearls and jade.

But when I opened it, there were no ornaments inside. Only the four treasures of the study.

Paper from Xuanzhou, ink from Huizhou.

Brushes from Huzhou, an inkstone from Duanzhou.

Thinking of how Xie Wuyang had said he had once seen me at Heshan, my heart stirred.

Could it be… that he had seen everything I did that day at Heshan?

On the day of my wedding, Ya’er was very reluctant to part with me, yet happy for me too.

“Sister-in-law, although I’ve never met him, I feel that Brother Xie must be a good person.”

“Silly Ya’er. A few bowls of sweet soup were enough to buy you over?”

The maids had stewed donkey-hide gelatin and bird’s nest, and Ya’er had eaten along with me for half a month. Her face had grown a little rounder.

Ya’er brushed away the hand I was using to pinch her chubby cheek and looked at me very seriously.

“Sister Ah Zhu, I don’t want to call you sister-in-law anymore. Even though I truly did want you to be my sister-in-law, for the rest of my life.

“But I know that after you married my brother, you never had a single good day. My mother and my brother are not good people.

“Everyone praises you as a virtuous wife, but I don’t think you were happy.

“I’ve seen you beneath Heshan, writing characters and poems with water on the stones. I’ve seen you standing outside the schoolhouse, listening for a very long time. I’ve also seen you secretly take my brother’s schoolwork to read.

“Back then, I felt that the real Sister Ah Zhu had always been hidden away by the sister-in-law everyone saw.

“Even though everyone says Brother Xie is no good, and even though I don’t know Brother Xie, when I saw what was inside that red box that day, I felt that Brother Xie must have seen the real you too.”

I listened blankly as Ya’er finished, and my eyes actually reddened. Smiling, I scolded her, “Where did you learn all that reasoning?”

Ya’er shook her head and smiled smugly.

“My Sister Ah Zhu is smart. You fooled them all.”

But so what if I had?

He had married me for my reputation as a virtuous woman.

In the future, I would only be wearing that mask of a virtuous wife, living on like a withered tree waiting to die.

The Shen Family of Lin County had always produced virtuous women. Many had earned memorial arches and entries in the county records, praised by all.

But before I married, I had actually been very unruly.

The rules and admonitions of the Shen Family sounded so absurd that, as a child, I thought my aunts must simply have been less clever than I was and had therefore been deceived.

How could marriage turn a person into a hollow shell with no temper, swallowing every bitterness while still forcing a smile to please others?

Later, Mother told me:

People’s mouths were knives that killed without drawing blood. They were the worst thing in the world.

The reputation that generations of Shen family woman had cultivated was both a shackle and a piece of driftwood.

Back then, I did not understand. I only knew that if I ruined my reputation, the lives of every Shen family woman after me would not be easy.

Just like now, with Lu Xiangzhi and me divorced-if I did not have a good reputation, who would ever have reached out a hand to help me?

I stroked Ya’er’s head.

“Ya’er is clever. But when you deceive others, do not deceive yourself too.”

If the world was harsh and cruel to women, then lowering one’s head in order to survive was not shameful.

But one must never, ever learn to taste sweetness in a life of servitude.