Chapter 4
Halfway through the wedding preparations, my company told me a major project in eastern China needed someone to lead it.
Ten months on site.
Once the project was finished, I could be promoted to deputy department manager.
For the first time in seven years of work, a management position was within reach.
“Do you want to go?” Wei asked.
I hesitated. “Give me a couple of days to think.”
He nodded. “I know you’re getting married. Being away on site would be difficult.”
When I told Chen Shuo, we were choosing wedding sweets.
The first thing he said was, “Ten months?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have to go?”
“No.”
“Then don’t.”
He said it too quickly.
I looked up.
He was still looking at wedding favour boxes on his phone. “Do you think this dark green is too sombre?”
I didn’t answer.
Only then did he notice and look at me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Aren’t you going to ask whether I want to go?”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
He fell silent.
That night, for the first time, we had a terrible argument about work.
Chen Shuo felt hard done by.
The wedding date was set, he said. The hotel was booked. Relatives on both sides had been told. The flat had just been renovated. We’d agreed to start trying for a baby after we married, and now I suddenly wanted to go away for ten months.
I felt hard done by too.
I’d never agreed to have a child straight after the wedding.
He frowned. “You’re almost thirty.”
I looked up. “And?”
“And obviously the sooner you have a baby, the better. Isn’t that an objective fact?”
“What about my work?”
“There’ll be other opportunities.”
“How do you know?”
He smiled easily. “You’re so good at what you do. Of course there will.”
I wouldn’t leave it there. “What if there aren’t?”
He lost patience with my questions.
“Liang Cen, do you have to be so aggressive?”
I went quiet.
He realised he’d spoken harshly and reached for my hand.
“It’s not that I don’t support your career.”
I would hear that sentence many times afterwards.
I support your career. Just don’t let it interfere with the wedding.
Or having a baby. Don’t go away for long stretches. Don’t come home too late.
Don’t leave the old people without care. Don’t disrupt the normal running of the family.
Apart from that, you have my full support.
I didn’t pull my hand away.
I just asked him, “Chen Shuo, if you were the one up for promotion and had to go away for ten months, would you turn it down?”
He was silent for a long time.
Finally, he said, “That’s different.”
“How?”
“Do you have to make me spell it out like that?”
“Go on.”
He looked at me.
“Because we’ll have children sooner or later. You’re a woman. Your age really does matter more for this.”
Then he immediately added:
“That’s not discrimination. It’s biology.”
I nodded.
“All right.”
After my shower that night, I stood in the bathroom for a long time.
I didn’t cry.
I was just suddenly exhausted.
Because Chen Shuo still had a point.
The risks associated with pregnancy change after thirty. That was a fact.
Ten months away would affect a marriage. That was a fact too.
Marriage wasn’t dating. Both people had to compromise. Another fact.
What exhausts you most is never someone talking complete nonsense.
It’s when every sentence they say contains some truth.
Only all those “realities” happen to add up to the same requirement: you must be the one to step back.