Chapter 3

When I woke, I saw myself lying on the bed, the tears on my face still wet.

I could see myself?

In a panic, I reached to check the breathing of the woman on the bed, only to discover that my fingers were rough and callused.

I scrambled out of bed and ran to the dressing mirror. Xu Ziyi’s face stared back.

…Had our souls changed places?

I hastily pinched my face. This was no dream.

Before I could think it through, I heard Hongyu scolding Lüzhu outside.

“Why haven’t you woken Madam? It’s the fifteenth; she has to pay her respects early. Do you want those women laughing at her?”

“The master’s in there. How would I dare?”

I hurriedly shook Xu Ziyi awake. Looking at my own face felt deeply strange.

“Wake up, my husband. We still have to pay our respects to the old madam.”

His eyes must have been sore, for he rubbed them. When he saw me wearing his face and telling him to get up, even a man as composed as he nearly fell out of bed.

I could think of nothing else. Missing the old madam’s morning greetings seemed the most urgent matter of all. She had disliked me from the day I entered the household, and the women married to my brother-in-law had cruel tongues. I scarcely had a few peaceful days all year.

“No one else must know about this,” Xu Ziyi said, recovering first. “A sorcerous Taoist was executed in the capital just recently for spreading delusions among the people.”

By the time we had grown accustomed to our bodies and made our awkward way to the eastern sitting room, it was already full of women waiting on the old madam.

She gazed at me so lovingly that I felt uneasy, then turned to scold Xu Ziyi.

“You grow more precious by the day. I heard the maids gossiping yesterday. Apparently Madam flew into a fine temper last night and overturned a table.”

Wearing my face, Xu Ziyi had no idea how to respond. He merely lowered his head in silence.

Watching from the outside was a peculiar sensation, like leaving my own body.

I wanted to speak for him, but the old madam lovingly pulled me down beside her and stroked my hand.

“Let Mother have a good look at you.”

I had never seen that tender expression before. Even before my marriage, I had been accustomed to her disdain and her cutting remarks about how unworthy I was of her son. I knew my birth was humble, and respected her as Xu Ziyi’s mother, so I had always swallowed my resentment.

“Mother, I was the one who accidentally knocked over the table. How could Qiongyue possibly have that kind of strength? She had a difficult night herself…”

“Isn’t attending to her husband simply a woman’s duty? What’s so difficult about it?” Concubine Zhou spoke coolly, her pregnant belly thrust forward.

The Xu family had had two sons. Xu Ziyi’s elder brother had fallen from his horse that autumn and died of a fit, leaving four-year-old Xu Xiuyuan, an unborn child in Concubine Zhou’s belly, and several troublesome concubines.

Concubine Zhou’s name was Zhou Ruyu. She came from a declining gentry family in Jiangnan. When Xu Ziyi’s elder brother rode through the region, he had caught sight of her selling wine behind a counter: a glimpse of fair wrist, a beguiling crimson mole beneath her eye. Within days, a small sedan chair had carried her into this household.

She had once been openhearted and a good friend to me. Later, the old madam put me in charge of the household, and the petty affairs of the women’s quarters gradually drove us apart. She repeatedly stirred up the old madam against me, attacking either my birth or my unproductive womb. What she truly had her eye on was the ring of keys I carried as mistress of the household.

Zhou Ruyu longed to control the household.

Xu Ziyi stood there in embarrassment. As I hesitated over whether to rescue him, bright laughter rang out from outside.

“Who’s laughing out there?” the old madam asked.

“Miss Monkey is flying a kite with the young master!” The maids covered their mouths and giggled.

“Help me outside to see.”

The winter sun was warm. My little nephew laughed happily as he chased Miss Xuanmeng, clamoring to fly the kite himself.

As he ran, he looked up and saw Xu Ziyi wearing my face. Frightened, he dropped to the ground and burst into tears.

“I don’t want Auntie! She’s bad! She hits me!”

Concubine Zhuang seized her chance, gathering him into her arms and soothing him with endearments.

Childless herself, she was desperate to take Xiuyuan into her own rooms and raise him. Whenever he studied, she would either bring him treats or coax him outside to play.

“You’ve never been a mother, after all. How could you know what’s too much? What if you push him too hard to study and ruin his health?”

“Children his age should be playing. All that studying will turn him into an idiot!” Miss Xuanmeng joined in. “It’s called letting his nature run free!”

Sure enough, the old madam cast Xu Ziyi an icy glance.

“If you truly taught him well and honored his dead mother’s trust, I’d thank the gods and Buddhas. But if you’re venting your spite on Xiuyuan because you can’t bear a child yourself, you’d better abandon that idea!”

Everyone hurried to soothe him. Xu Ziyi shot me a cold look, and bitterness rose inside me.

Xiuyuan’s mother had died giving birth to him. On her sickbed, she had entrusted the child to me.

“The men of our family earn their glory and rank on horseback. Now that the world is more peaceful, all I want is for him to study and win a position through the examinations… I came from an ordinary family. My father was a schoolteacher. He studied all his life and never made a name for himself, and those women have used it to mock me all these years. Qiongyue, I’ve always been proud. I refused to befriend the women of these inner quarters; you alone are my confidante. I know your character. Watch over him for me. Don’t let him neglect his studies or take the wrong path… Tell him that studying and earning distinction do matter…”

Basin after basin of blood was carried outside. Her face was the color of gold funeral paper, and she scarcely had breath left, but she clung to my hand and begged me to promise.

Yet Xiuyuan was willful and unruly. I had seen scenes like this countless times. He had feigned illness to shirk his lessons before and told endless lies.

Everyone crowded around, some calling for a doctor, others bringing basins and water, all scrambling to display their devotion before the old madam.

Alarmed by the commotion herself, she turned and berated Xu Ziyi.

The women made a show of restraining her. From where Xu Ziyi and I stood, we could see that behind everyone’s backs, the little brat spat at him and pulled a face.

Xu Ziyi had never encountered such wicked misbehavior. He roared:

“Xu Xiuyuan!”

Xiuyuan promptly lay flat on the ground and refused to move.

“Mother! He—” Xu Ziyi began to protest.

Crack!

A heavy slap struck his face. I froze.

…That slap was meant for me.

Weeping with distress over her grandson, the old madam cried:

“You rotten-hearted whore! You want to kill him so you can scheme against our Xu family! Look at what you eat, what you wear—is there a single thing we haven’t given you? Ungrateful beast! All those books you copied might as well have gone into a dog’s belly!”

Xu Ziyi stared, stunned. He seemed unable to believe that his loving mother could say such vicious things. For a moment, he could not speak.

“Qiongyue, now that my brother-in-law is home, you ought at least to make a show of filial respect, however much you usually hate Mother.” Concubine Zhou continued fanning the flames.

The confusion grew worse. The steward hurried in to say that someone from the palace had brought an imperial decree. Apparently the master was to return to the Northern Wastes.

I glanced at Xu Ziyi. He still seemed dazed by the slap.

Only when I knelt to receive the decree did he grasp how serious our predicament was.