Chapter 2
After the storm, they brought me out of the cold underground chamber and back aboveground.
The attendant wore fresh injuries on his face.
Along with my meals came news from the palace.
“The king asked about you especially yesterday.” He bent low, fawning. “Are your monthly courses still regular?”
I stared a moment, then overturned the food box and collapsed over the table, laughing uncontrollably. “He… Did he truly ask that?”
The roof ridges and sweeping eaves of the palace I had left so long ago took shape in my dreams again.
In a delirium of hope I wondered: would Ziyou come for me, or would our child?
I could neither eat nor rest. After three days of waiting, someone finally lifted the hanging curtain.
The boy entered. His frame still had the unfinished look of a sapling putting out new growth.
He knelt across the low table. Every movement observed the proper forms.
The king had named him Sui.
For the first time in fifteen years, I did not have to gaze at a tiny figure from beyond a high terrace and a sea of trees.
My eyes roamed greedily over his face.
So like him. So like his father.
“Let your mother have a good look at you…” I reached out to touch the new growth at his temples.
Zisui leaned back almost imperceptibly.
He wore ordinary riding clothes with narrow sleeves, without even a ceremonial cap. His fine, aristocratic face was impassive.
My hand remained suspended. Past his shoulder, I looked out of the window.
No canopy bearing the dark bird. No court officers in attendance.
No procession fit to welcome a queen home.
Nothing at all. How could this proclaim the honor due to me as the mother of the Son of Heaven?
Zisui had come on one horse.
Tethered outside, it snorted in boredom and lowered its head to drink.
Its master saw through my hopes with cold ease. “I did not come for what you are imagining.”
My searching eyes slowly returned to him. “What did you say?”
“I have come today for one thing only.” His voice was slow and measured. Already he had learned his father’s manner of speaking. It held no affection, only authority that brooked no doubt. “Grant it to me.”
He drew something from his sleeve and solemnly laid it on the table.
It was a dagger in its sheath.
“The High Diviner’s oracle said only that Queen Si’s child would become sovereign of all under Heaven.”
The boy’s black eyes fixed on me. His face was taut as a beast poised to spring.
“It did not name that child as Zisui.”
“Your mother has no one but you…” I hurried to protest.
But he raised one hand slightly and, with indifference, commanded me to be silent.
“You can still bear children. So long as you live, the sovereign of all under Heaven need not be me.”
For a long time I said nothing. Then I gave a trembling little laugh. “If your father were to…”
“This is my father’s wish as well,” he said coldly. “You have lived away from the palace for years. Who can say whether you have remained chaste?”
My smile must have frozen on my face.
For Zisui looked away in contempt.
“You ought to look in a mirror. See what you have become.”
I turned in the direction of his gaze, and the mirror showed me my face.
Pale lead powder. Old rouge crusting my cheeks in mottled dark red.
The turquoise had been pried from my hairpin, leaving only black hollows.
An appearance fit for ridicule, no doubt.
Yet resentment seeped from those eyes, thread by thread, like smoke boiling from a cauldron.
They were not the eyes of a loving mother.
“Your true nature shows,” my child sneered. “Lady Shaosi raised me from infancy. I decided long ago that she was my mother.”
“Zisui,” I said softly, “you think of her as your birth mother. Does she think of you as her own flesh and blood? Even if she once did, she is about to bear a child of her own.”
“Do not try to turn me against her—”
“Queen Si’s child need not be you.” Bracing both hands on the table, I leaned toward him. “And must Queen Si necessarily be me?”
Zisui looked dreadful. “What are you trying to say?”
He was so slow to understand that I could only sigh.
“Do not forget that Shaosi and I both come from the Si clan.
“Once I am dead, your father will surely make her queen. Will the child in the oracle still be you then?”
Something quivered in his eyes. “Father has already chosen me…”
“Once Shaosi’s son is born, he may not be so fond of you.” I cut him off darkly. “Before tonight is over, Shaosi will send someone to take my life.”
He frowned hard and opened his mouth to speak.
But I lunged forward and caught his arm.
“She will. She will!” My nails sank deep into his flesh as I insisted shrilly. “She will come to kill me! She wants her son to receive Heaven’s mandate, not mine!”
The boy lost all composure and struggled backward.
His imitation of his elders fell away in panic, revealing a child’s helplessness beneath.
“Leave the dagger. Your mother will deal with her for you…” I swore gently. “Your mother will protect you and the throne that will one day be yours… Who in this world could treat you better than the woman who bore you?”
Zisui’s face grew whiter still.
He shoved me away. Before fleeing, he flung out one last hurried sentence.
“I do not wish to lay hands on you myself… So if Shaosi sends no one tonight, use it to end your own life!”