Chapter 6
After an unknown length of time, I could not resist calling to him.
“Pei Ye, are you all right?”
He turned stiffly and looked at me in disbelief. In an eerily calm voice, he repeated my question.
“Am I all right?”
Suddenly he seized the table with both hands and flipped it over with a tremendous crash.
“Am I all right?”
He began slamming the doors.
“Am I all right?”
He snatched up a vase by the window and smashed it on the floor.
“Am I all right?”
He kept destroying things and repeating the question.
He seemed to have gone completely mad.
Terrified, I hid in Su Yanbai’s arms.
“Did he not just say he had become much steadier?”
Su Yanbai ushered our son and me toward the door, shielding us with his body.
“Let him smash whatever he likes. His money paid for it all.”
Pei Ye spent a full hour wrecking the room.
“Some brother and sister you are! You made a complete fool of me!”
Then he spent another hour cursing Su Yanbai.
“You wretch…”
By the time he emerged, the three of us were eating dinner.
“How can you still eat?”
He looked from one of us to the next, snatched Su Yanbai’s chopsticks, and broke them in two.
“Try eating now!”
My son and I exchanged a look.
“You could serve yourself some rice too,” I suggested.
Calmly, Su Yanbai took another pair of chopsticks and reached for the food.
Pei Ye swept the dish off the table.
“Still eating?”
Su Yanbai’s chopsticks stopped in midair.
After a moment, he sighed.
“She spent the entire afternoon preparing that.”
Pei Ye froze, then immediately looked at me.
“I am sorry. I did not mean to.”
The corner of my mouth twitched.
Across from me, Su Yanbai burst out laughing.
“I was teasing you. I cooked it.”
Pei Ye’s face darkened as he clenched his fists.
“Su, you have a death wish.”
Su Yanbai sobered.
“Do not disturb her meal. We can talk outside.”
They truly went out.
But I had lost my appetite as well.
Our son began clearing the bowls and chopsticks on his own.
“So that is my birth father.”
Su Yanbai had never hidden Xu Yi’s origins from him.
“Do you want to leave with him?” I asked.
“Not now,” Xu Yi said. “Perhaps in the future.”
I was curious.
“Why perhaps in the future?”
Xu Yi stared at me incredulously.
“Mother, do you still not understand? His family owns the imperial throne.”
I was silent for a moment.
“Stop dreaming and wash the dishes.”
I searched the covered walkways for the two men and soon heard a fierce argument.
“I am taking her with me!”
“I gave you the chance to take her years ago…”
“It was not the right time!”
“Now is even less the right time.”
I hurried around the corner just as Pei Ye shoved Su Yanbai against the wall.
“Do not think I would hesitate to kill you!”
My heart lurched.
“Pei Ye, what are you doing?”
I rushed forward, pushed Pei Ye away, and planted myself protectively in front of Su Yanbai.
“If you are angry about what happened, take it out on me. Do not bully him. He saved your life—not once, but twice!”
Pei Ye looked utterly stunned.
“That Doctor Su who saved me was him? The Madam Su who stopped my carriage was you? So you were not even there because of me…” His voice broke. “Did you never care for me at all?”
I answered calmly.
“Pei Ye, all I wanted was a child.”
He stared at me, then gave an incredulous laugh.
“You mean I was nothing but a tool?”
I faltered.
“If that sounds unpleasant, you could call yourself the Bodhisattva Who Bestows Children.”
His face turned thunderous.
“Xu Qing, say that again!”
I had tried speaking kindly, but he remained completely unreasonable.
“Why are you shouting at me? Did you not know that sleeping with me might make me pregnant? I tried to tell you the truth, but you never gave me the chance. Have you forgotten? You repeatedly warned me not to cling to you. Pei Ye, I may not hold grudges, but that does not mean I forget!”
“I did not mean those words!”
“And I have no magical ability to tell your truths from your lies!”
His relentless questioning finally exhausted my patience.
“Pei Ye, we saved your life and treated you well. You were happy with us, were you not? A moment ago, you said you missed our time together—that it made life feel worthwhile.”
Pei Ye closed his eyes and laughed until tears appeared.
“Oh, it was worthwhile indeed!”
I ignored him and turned away.
He followed, lowering his head before me, his gaze stubbornly fixed on my face.
“Xu Qing, what about me now? I came back. What am I to you now?”
The wind suddenly fell silent, as if it too were waiting for my answer.
“I will return your own words to you: I can never give you the status you want.”
Holding tightly to Su Yanbai, I walked away without looking back.
Pei Ye remained where he was.
I assumed that once he had stood there long enough, he would leave.
But he stayed.
I could not understand his intentions, yet I did not drive him away. He was Little Yi’s birth father, after all.
Su Yanbai showed no reaction and even set out another pair of chopsticks for him.
Pei Ye glared viciously.
“I do not need your false kindness.”
Su Yanbai never quarreled with him. He smiled pleasantly.
“It is genuine kindness. If I had ever tampered with your medicine, you would have died long ago.”
To preserve the peace, I had to separate them and seat one on either side of me.
Even then, Pei Ye kept provoking him.
Later that night, beneath a blurred sky with no one else in sight, he stopped Su Yanbai.
“Drop the act. You are very calculating. You must have schemed endlessly to make her disregard me so completely.”
Su Yanbai met his gaze and spoke softly.
“Not endlessly. Only a little.”
Pei Ye’s face went livid.
“But she did not make me leave!”
Su Yanbai lifted his head to look at the moon.
“She need not say it. Your Majesty cannot remain here for long. Sooner or later, you must return, because you cannot take her with you.”
Pei Ye sneered.
“I can come whenever I please. What can you do about it?”
Su Yanbai’s expression darkened. He looked steadily at Pei Ye, his voice devoid of emotion.
“Nothing. All I need is for her to love me. Anything else is no different from a child’s toy—some toys lose their appeal after one use, while others are picked up again. I do not care.”
Pei Ye suddenly burst into loud laughter.
“Did you hear that? He insulted me!”
Triumphantly, he pulled me out from behind the tree.
The instant Su Yanbai saw me, his body stiffened and his face went pale.
“Xu Qing, you heard every word. Let us see him pretend to be such a perfect husband now!”
I sighed softly.
“Your Majesty, please leave.”
“You heard her. She told you to…” Pei Ye stopped, surprise entering his voice. “You mean me?”
I nodded solemnly.
“Yes. Please go. If Your Majesty wishes to visit the child in the future, you may come at any time.”
Pei Ye stood stunned for a long while.
“I will return!”
He said nothing more. After one last look at me, he swept his sleeve behind him and left.
I walked to Su Yanbai and took his hand.
“Yanbai, your hands are so cold. Let me warm them.”
He stared at me, his voice hoarse.
“Ah Qing, I…”
I blinked at him.
“You are a good man. You do not need to explain.”
I knew Su Yanbai had no parents and no friends or family.
No one had ever loved him except me.
I was all he had.
He could not bear to lose me.
Every person begins from a different place, especially when it comes to loving and being loved.
Su Yanbai’s eyes slowly reddened. He pulled me fiercely against him, his voice breaking.
“All those things before were lies. Never leave me… please?”
Cold tears soaked through the cloth at my shoulder.
I stroked his back and answered softly.
“I know. I have always known.”
You never fooled me once.
The End