Chapter 5

The meal was a dreary affair.

Afterward, Jing’an and I saw my brother to the guest courtyard, then returned to the main courtyard together.

“Jing’an, my brother has a fiery temper. Please don’t hold it against him,” I said gently.

Jing’an stopped short, his face dark.

“Mm.” The sound came through his nose. Then he said, “Go and rest. I have official work to attend to. I’ll sleep in the study tonight.”

Without waiting for an answer, he turned and strode away.

Watching his retreating figure, I thought quietly: Can’t bear it already? But this is only the beginning, Shao Jing’an.

*

The next day, once Jing’an had left for the government offices, I took the children to the guest courtyard.

I dismissed everyone, threw myself into my brother’s arms, and began to sob softly.

He patted my back, distressed. “Why don’t you come home with me? End the marriage.”

“I won’t,” I choked out. “Everything that belongs to me, everything that belongs to the children—I want it back.”

He sighed. “Very well. Do what you wish. Whatever you need, tell me, Father, or Mother. Remember, we will always stand behind you.”

“Mm.” His comfort made my heart a little easier.

“Did you bring what I asked for?”

“I did. I’ll give it to you quietly later. Don’t let anyone see.”

“I know. I’m not stupid.”

“Aren’t you? If it were up to me, I’d have that woman beaten to death.”

I smiled bitterly. “Get rid of this one, and there will be another. Why bother? I want to end the trouble for good.”

“All right. As you wish. Just take care of yourself, or I won’t be able to rest easy. When I get back, I’ll speak to Father about finding someone to have Jing’an transferred to the capital. We’ll feel easier then.”

“Yes. Good.”

When our business was finished, I had the nurse bring the children in to greet their uncle.

Their chatter and laughter soon lifted the mood considerably.

*

My brother stayed three days, then left.

The day after he went, I went out and brought back a beautiful young woman.

I took her straight to Jing’an’s study.

Seeing me arrive unannounced, he frowned faintly.

My brother’s overbearing manner had made Jing’an increasingly distant toward me these last few days.

“Husband.” I greeted him meekly.

“Mm. Is something the matter?” he asked quietly, though his eyes reproached me.

I smiled. “My brother is a rough man and too fond of me. His words may have been unpleasant. Please don’t let your anger over that drive us apart.”

With the feeling he had tried to hide so plainly exposed, Jing’an coughed into his hand in embarrassment. “What are you saying, my dear? Am I such a petty man?”

My lips lifted. “Of course. How shortsighted of me. Naturally you wouldn’t dwell on such things. Husband, this is Yiniang. Her father wished to give her to you as a concubine. I thought her quite lovely, so I agreed on your behalf. What do you think?”

His frown relaxed. After a few glances at Yiniang, amusement entered his eyes. “Whatever my wife decides.”

“Very well. I’ll take her to settle in. Don’t work too hard, husband. Later I’ll go to the kitchens myself and make you some more restorative broth.” My eyes held nothing but concern.

Coaxed by such tender attentions, he lost most of the resentment of the past few days. “Go about your business, then. I’ll see you later.”

“Of course.”

*

That evening, I had every lantern in the courtyard lit.

I prepared a table of fine food and wine and waited for Jing’an.

When he entered and saw the arrangements, he looked even more satisfied.

We took our seats.

I sent the attendants away and poured his wine myself.

“Husband, this is excellent Dukang wine. My brother brought it when he passed through Dukang County the other day. In a fit of temper, he wouldn’t give it to you, but left it with me instead. He even warned me it was potent and I mustn’t drink too much.”

Guilt rose in Jing’an at this. He took my hand. “I was thoughtless. I’ve made you suffer, my dear.”

“What are you saying? We are husband and wife. Of course I must take your side.”

“Well said. Just what I’d expect of the wife I married first.” Thoroughly soothed, he laughed and drained his cup.

The wine was good. After one cup, he felt even more refreshed.

My gaze darkened, then brightened into a smile as I poured another. “Here, husband. A toast to us. May we always be of one heart.”

Smiling, he drank it down.

After several rounds, he was a little drunk. “Youxuan, is there anything you want? I’ll… I’ll buy it for you.”

I teased him. “We’ve been married so long. What need is there for that? Though the little things in those two jade shops on Fengyang Street are quite exquisite. Yuan likes them very much. Why don’t you give her the shops for her dowry?”

He waved expansively. “Of course. I’ll have the steward see to it tomorrow. I’ll also have him send you a hundred thousand taels of silver. So much has happened lately; you’ve had a great deal to attend to.”

“Thank you, husband. You truly are so good to me.”

After dinner, he slipped an arm around my waist and tried to draw me into the inner room.

With a light laugh, I pressed him back into his chair and poured a cup of plain tea for him.

I crouched and rested against his knees as I used to do.

“Husband, I haven’t been blessed with good fortune,” I said sadly.

The scene stirred memories in him. His expression softened as he stroked my head. “What’s wrong?”

“It must be some lingering illness from when I bore Yuan. It seemed nothing was wrong these last few years, but as I grow older… Recently I’ve been unwell. The bleeding won’t stop.

“I was afraid you’d be repelled if I told you, so I never dared. Now I fear you’ll think I’m unwilling because I’m resentful. I can only force myself to tell you.”

I paused. When he said nothing, I went on. “Let Yiniang attend you tonight, husband. Otherwise, I won’t feel at ease.”

“Ask some good women physicians to examine you. You must take care of your health.” His voice grew gentler still.

“I will.”

After seeing him out, I stood motionless at the courtyard gate.

Most of the lanterns had gone out. The few remaining gave off a dim light.

Light and darkness mingled into wavering, ghostlike shadows.

I seemed not to notice. Watching Jing’an’s departing figure, I slowly gave him the most impeccable of smiles.