Chapter 5

After that night, the long-neglected Noble Consort regained the Emperor’s favor.

For a time, no one in the harem could rival her glory.

Perhaps the middle-aged Emperor still had plenty of stamina, because the Noble Consort left me alone for a long while.

She even sent Xiao Ying with a heap of treasures.

“Her Highness understands your loyalty now. She will no longer make things difficult for you. These are her thanks.”

Xiao Ying rushed back to report as soon as she finished speaking.

Sadly, she never came to do my work again.

Another day without Xiao Ying. Miss her, miss her, miss her.

Lately, the Empress and Noble Consort seemed to have declared war.

Their struggle for the Emperor’s favor had become a struggle for me.

Gifts poured into my room as if money meant nothing.

One day, the Empress’s “head ailment” flared up and she summoned me to examine her.

The next, the Noble Consort “fell ill” and summoned me to examine her.

Whenever I arrived, both were healthier than I was. Each held my hand and spent all day making barbed remarks about the other.

Only at dusk did they release the starving me.

I suffered terribly. By day, I listened to their gossip; by night, I worked overtime adjudicating the palace guards’ and maids’ tangled romances.

After a long while, my once-plump figure became slender.

Looking at my increasingly pretty reflection, I finally understood their painstaking intentions.

They wanted to give me to the old Emperor as a concubine!

Claiming illness, I locked myself inside the bureau for three days and nights.

Miraculously, neither the Empress nor the Noble Consort troubled me during those three days.

With time to think, I considered how to crush their terrifying plan.

A brilliant idea came to me.

Most maids under me were well-fed and plump. Eating too richly invited high blood sugar and high cholesterol, greatly reducing work speed.

In the spirit of helping others—because happiness was better shared—

I decided to reduce their food allowance and increase their workload.

We would save money, they would lose weight, and the palace would become cleaner. So many benefits at once.

What a clever little genius I was.

Before putting the plan into action, however, a qualified leader had to properly brainwash her employees.

I summoned the maids in batches. It took three straight days of indoctrination meetings to make everyone understand.

“To succeed, you must slim down! To slim down, exercise! Control your mouth and move your legs!”

Now, before cleaning each day, maids from every palace gathered outside the bureau and swore the slogan to a thunder of gongs and drums.

My sleep quality declined even further.

Because I managed the bureau so efficiently and saved the palace a considerable sum, I was promoted again.

Now I even had a voice in the Imperial Household Department.

When its supervising eunuch deferentially presented me with a towering stack of documents, my vision went black and I fainted.

The imperial physician said I had fainted from acute stress. A little rest would cure me.

The Empress granted me a day’s leave and sent Xiao Pei to fuss over me and handle the day’s business.

Not to be outdone, the Noble Consort sent beautiful Xiao Ying, supposedly to relieve the devoted Chief Administrator of a few trivial burdens.

I was overjoyed. Xiao Pei handled the bureau; Xiao Ying handled the Household Department.

They supervised and checked each other, leaving neither time to bother me.

I slipped out for a stroll. I wasn’t working today—this was freaking fantastic!