Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Though I was only a lowly bedchamber concubine, Shen Mansion still assigned me a maid. She, too, came from a fallen household and bore the status of a bondservant. Her name was Lin Yin, and she was fifteen.

Truly, we were both wanderers brought low by fate. Why ask if we had known each other before?

But her days were easier than mine. She did not have to climb into Shen Jiayuan’s bed, nor did she have to be summoned by Lady Qin to stand and learn the rules.

I treated her sincerely, yet I had no idea what went on in her head. Her way of thinking was as baffling as my Ninth Sister He Zhen’s.

She wanted to become Shen Jiayuan’s concubine.

Every time a matron from Shen Jiayuan’s courtyard came to tell me to attend him in bed that night, Yinyin became especially nervous.

She would have me wear a green beizi jacket while she dressed herself in rosy pink. I wore only a single white jade hairpin in my hair; she added an extra flower pin.

She clearly thought I was easy to bully.

But I did not mind. She was pretty enough, with delicate brows and bright eyes. Inwardly, I thought that Shen Jiayuan was so vigorous and often tormented me until midnight; having one more person to share the burden would not be bad at all.

At night, he tormented me. During the day, I still had to go stand before Lady Qin and learn the rules. Whenever she knew I had slept with Shen Jiayuan, the rules she imposed that day were especially harsh. It was terribly hard for me to endure.

That fool Yinyin could not possibly think Lady Qin summoned me over each time just to drink tea and chat, could she?

That day, after it was over, Shen Jiayuan went to the washroom to bathe, while I, as usual, dressed myself and knelt beside the bed, waiting for him to return, drink a sip of tea, and tell me, as he always did, to go back.

In the past, the ones who served the tea were maids from his own courtyard. They had all been well trained, heads lowered, eyes cast down, perfectly proper.

The difference was that this time, the one serving tea was Lin Yin.

Warm fragrance lingered within the blue bed curtains. Shen Jiayuan had just finished bathing and wore only a white underrobe. His brows were sharp as swords, his lips thin, his jaw pale and cold.

Yinyin blushed all the way to her ears. She did not dare raise her head to look at him, yet she was a young girl with springtime feelings in her heart, stealing one tender, longing glance as she handed the tea over in a soft, sweet voice.

“My lord, please have some tea.”

Shen Jiayuan took the cup. Yinyin’s fingers brushed his hand as if by accident, her cheeks blooming bright red against her rosy clothes, making her look as delicate and lovely as carved jade. It was enough to stir anyone’s heart.

But Shen Jiayuan did not so much as glance at her. He drank the tea, then told us to leave.

Yinyin was disappointed, but she did not give up. She repeated the same trick several more times.

Again and again, she practiced the look in her eyes, her breathing, her movements, and the angle at which she raised her head while serving tea, making sure she had perfected that breathtaking glimpse. Still, Shen Jiayuan never looked at her.

So she grew bolder. Once, after Shen Jiayuan and I had finished, I was lying in his arms, catching my breath. His hand was stroking through my long hair and gently rubbing my ear when Yinyin’s voice suddenly came from beyond the blue curtains.

“My lord, you must be tired. Please have some tea.”

His hand paused. My breathing paused as well.

He lifted my chin, a dangerous glint flashing through his pitch-black eyes. “That maid in your room is every bit as bold as you are.”

I bit my lip and said weakly, “My lord, when it comes to continuing the bloodline, one more person means one more chance.”

He seemed to consider this. “Shiyi Niang speaks reasonably.”

After that, I fell out of favor.

The maid at my side was replaced with one named Panpan. As for her looks, they were truly hard to describe. She was simple-minded and very rough around the edges.

Yinyin became the new favorite. Shen Jiayuan summoned her twice, and Lady Qin’s attention shifted to her. I no longer had to stand and learn the rules.

But after only a few easy days, I began to feel the danger. What about my little brother, Ah Ying? I was such an idiot.

Day after day, I could not sleep. I kept dreaming of freezing wind and snow, of my nine-year-old brother hauling bricks at the city repairs, all skin and bones as he gave me a miserable smile.

I woke in terror. Then, all at once, I understood: if I was not shackled, then my brother would be.

Shen Jiayuan could have many women, but I could only cling to this one man.

Half a month later, Shen Jiayuan summoned me again.

I was all tenderness toward him.

He indulged himself, the corners of his eyes flushed red.

My birth mother, Concubine Yang, had once been a courtesan. She could play the pipa and dance, and I had once seen all sorts of illustrated booklets in her room. I had long since stopped being an innocent young lady of the inner chambers like Ninth Sister, though back then I had been so shocked it was as if thunder had struck me, my face hot, my heart pounding, my whole body stunned for quite a while.

And yet serving someone with beauty could never last. He Song had been infatuated with Concubine Yang for a time, but had he not found a new favorite in the end?

I had to rescue my little brother, Ah Ying, while Shen Jiayuan was still most interested in me.

After our pleasure had run its course, I held him and refused to let go for a long time.

“My lord, I was wrong.”

Shen Jiayuan had an arm around my waist and asked lazily, “Wrong how?”

I lifted my head to look at him. Our eyes met. His eyes were deep and dark, as though a quiet river of stars lay hidden within them.

“These days, after being left in the cold by my lord, my heart has felt as if it were being cut by knives. Only now, far too late, have I realized how important my lord is to me. I truly, truly like my lord so much. These days, I could not eat or sleep. Awake or dreaming, it was all my lord. I have even lost weight.”

Shen Jiayuan pinched my waist. “This is losing weight?”

I smiled awkwardly. “It is just puffiness. Puffiness.”

But after a pause, unwilling to give up, I climbed onto him again and looked straight into his eyes.

“Whether my lord believes me or not, my life was given by you. In this life, I will be loyal to you alone. When my family was confiscated, I thought myself unbearably unfortunate, but after meeting you, I realized how lucky I was. I am willing to entrust my life to you, and even more willing to bear you a child.”

After saying that, I added, “Let me bear my lord a child, and I would die content.”

Shen Jiayuan’s heart was not made of stone. Sure enough, he was moved. He rolled over and pressed me beneath him, then kissed my forehead tenderly.

“Shiyi Niang, as long as you behave obediently, how could I bear to let you die?”

Behave obediently again. Hah. Men.