Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Once Granny Shi arrived, the two of us worked together, making meals both faster and better.

Lin Ze and Teacher Shu ate only two proper meals a day and took no snacks.

That left us with ample free time.

Granny Shi began involving herself with my chickens and vegetable garden.

Before long, she had taken charge of both.

I asked Teacher Shu whether I might enter the family library.

“You can read?”

“Yes.”

He studied me briefly, then gave me the key.

I wanted to search the old texts for accounts of illnesses.

Some ancient remedies were excellent. If I ever transmigrated home, perhaps they could help many people.

Tu Youyou, after all, had discovered a treatment for malaria in an ancient text.

The Shu family library was enormous and held a great many books.

It took me a long time to find what I wanted.

Teacher Shu allowed me to enter and read whatever I pleased, with one condition: no book could leave the room.

I sat down where I was, picked up a volume, and began to leaf through it.

Before long, I was engrossed. It recorded many unusual childhood illnesses.

Before transmigrating, my goal had been to become a renowned pediatrician.

Anything resembling my former field held my attention at once.

One entry described symptoms remarkably similar to autism.

So people had recognized the condition even this early.

The script was complex, and I deciphered it slowly.

It said that certain foods could improve the symptoms.

I committed them to memory.

Without realizing it, I read until noon.

The door opened.

Teacher Shu walked in.

I hurried to my feet and bowed.

He glanced at the title. “A medical text. Can you understand it?”

“It’s rather difficult. I need time to work out the meaning.”

“Do you know medicine?”

I found myself an excuse for reading medical texts. “No, but Granny Shi says that if people eat well, they fall ill less often. I’m searching for dietary remedies.”

Understanding dawned, and he nodded.

After that, I often encountered Teacher Shu in the library.

Sometimes he came alone. Sometimes he brought Lin Ze.

Ever since I had schemed to bring Granny Shi over, Lin Ze had been cold toward me.

He no longer asked me to accompany him at night.

I happily enjoyed the leisure.

When he first saw me in the library, he froze, then mocked me. “Given up storybooks for medical texts? Moving up in the world?”

“Young Master, I do not consider storybooks inferior to medical texts.”

“What?” Lin Ze had not expected me to answer, much less contradict him.

I spoke without servility or arrogance. “Storybooks ease sorrow and dissolve gloom. They improve a person’s health just as medical texts do. Medical texts heal the body, while storybooks heal the spirit.”

Lin Ze stared, speechless and unable to refute me.

Teacher Shu smiled. “I did not realize Miss Shi possessed such insight.”

My face flushed.

No matter the time or world, praise always made the body betray itself.

That evening, Granny Shi was teaching me to cut cloth for clothes.

Lin Ze knocked on the door and told me to grind his ink.

For a moment, I was surprised.

Granny Shi nudged me. I set down the scissors, rose, and followed him.

Lin Ze did not make things difficult.

He only asked, “Are there any storybooks that can cure headaches?”

He told me that headaches had plagued him since he was fifteen.

The more important the occasion, the more painful they became.

They were worst during the imperial examinations, when it felt as if his skull would split.

They began before every exam and ended only when it was over.

Another examination was approaching.

For the past two days, the pain had returned.

“There are no storybooks for that, but there is a technique. I read about it in an ancient text. May I try it?”

In high school, excessive pressure had given me severe neuralgia.

I had not known to see a doctor and simply endured it.

After studying medicine, I learned there were many ways to relieve the pain.

He hesitated, then said, “Try.”

I moved behind him, placed both hands against the sides of his head, and began to massage.

I had originally learned the technique for myself.

Every movement was professional.

Lin Ze’s expression soon eased.

“It works. The pain is not as bad.”

“This can only treat it temporarily.”

“Is there any way to cure it completely?”

“Stop treating the imperial examination as if it matters so much.”

“What did you say?”

My words probably sounded outrageously heretical.

But I had no intention of taking them back.

It was the truth.

If Lin Ze never passed, he could still preserve his family property and live without want.

There were other paths open to him.

Lin Ze disagreed.

“My mother, Madam Cui, and Cui Wan’er all expect me to pass the examinations and obtain an official post.”

“The Lin family owns extensive property, but no one in the family holds office. Without an official’s protection, our holdings will never be secure for long.”

He had a point.

I fell silent.

“Come and massage my head again tomorrow, and every day until the examination ends.”

I agreed.

I was his maid. It was part of my duty.

Granny Shi adapted well to the Shu residence.

Both gentlemen treated her with respect.

Her many varieties of tofu were tender, soft, and fragrant, and Teacher Shu loved them.

His body gradually grew stronger.

Because I had relieved Lin Ze’s pain, his goodwill extended to the woman I loved like a mother, and he also treated Granny Shi with great respect.

Her presence in the Shu residence grew stronger and stronger.

Strong enough that she brought home another ragged child she had found in the street.

At the Lin estate, she had begged Old Madam Lin to take me in. This time, she went directly to Shu Pingshan.

The Shu household could easily spare one person’s food, so Teacher Shu agreed.

The child looked four or five.

Granny Shi and I washed him together, revealing a delicate little face.

That very night, Granny Shi altered one of my childhood tunics for him. It fit perfectly.

“I meant to keep this as a memento,” she said regretfully. “Now Shi Mo is wearing it.”

Granny Shi had named the boy Shi Mo.

“I’m touched that you kept it for me at all. Now it can clothe Shi Mo and keep him warm. I’m happy.”

Shi Mo did not speak. Granny Shi wondered whether he was mute.

I said no. Sudden noises made his body tremble.

Most mute people were deaf, and Shi Mo could hear, so he was unlikely to be mute.

Neither Granny Shi nor I forced him to speak.

She took him to feed the chickens and water the vegetable garden.

They got along very well. Under Granny Shi’s loving care, Shi Mo was gradually becoming a second version of me.

She kept him beside her at all times.

One day, Granny Shi said, “Dou’er, do you think something might be wrong with this child?”

I asked what had happened.

She said that after Shi Mo heard Teacher Shu reprimand Lin Ze, he began to shake violently. His nose twitched, his eyes blinked wildly, and he kept clearing his throat with little grunts.

From that description, anxiety was the most likely cause.

“Can I keep him with me for a few days? I’ll try caring for him according to a method in one of the old texts.”

I had experience in this area.

Granny Shi agreed. “I’ll handle all the meals for the next few days. You stay with him and take good care of him. Let us hope there is nothing truly wrong.”

I took Shi Mo to the library. I read while he sat quietly beside me.

I asked whether he would like me to read him a story.

After blinking several times, he nodded.

Holding an ancient book, I told him the story of the Ugly Duckling.

He listened intently.

His face did not twitch once.

I took him into the garden.

Together we dug a small pit. He concentrated fiercely on his work.

Then we dug a little channel and diverted water into the pit. Shi Mo watched it flow in.

When the pit filled and overflowed, he looked up and smiled at me in delight.

I took him to tend the kitchen fire for Granny Shi and roast potatoes.

I guided his hands as I taught him to peel one.

When the fragrant potato entered his mouth, surprise and delight shone in his eyes.

That night, I took Shi Mo to Lin Ze’s room.

I warned Lin Ze in advance not to frighten the child.

He agreed.

In Lin Ze’s presence, I behaved less and less like a servant, while he behaved less and less like a master.

Shi Mo was a little frightened when he saw Lin Ze, but once he realized Lin Ze meant him no harm, he calmed down.

He sat quietly and watched me massage Lin Ze’s head.

Lin Ze’s headaches were becoming less frequent.

“Shi Dou, I have thought carefully about what you said.”

“Whether I treat the examination as important or not, it remains the same examination. My concern cannot affect it, but it affects me greatly. Since I stopped caring quite so much, my headaches have become less frequent.”

“Exactly. You should still review your lessons, but you must learn to let go of the examination in your heart.”

Lin Ze stared directly at me.

“Is there something on my face?”

He shook his head. “You…”

He struggled, unable to find the right word.

I rescued him. “Are you trying to say that I may not be a beauty, but I’m pleasant enough to look at?”

I knew he wanted to praise my wisdom or understanding.

But I would rather have him call me pretty than say I had brains.

In this world, calling a maid clever was not necessarily a good thing.

His burning gaze refused to follow my diversion.

I grew uneasy.

As I stood at a loss, Shi Mo came over, took my hand, and said, “Go.”

“Shi Mo, you can speak?”

The massage had just ended, so I hurriedly took leave of Lin Ze.

I scooped up Shi Mo and rushed to find Granny Shi.

Shi Mo could speak.

That was cause for tremendous celebration!

With Granny Shi and me coaxing him, Shi Mo began to talk.

Children recovered quickly when nourished by love.

I did not know what trauma he had suffered, but he improved day by day.

Granny Shi was overjoyed.

She said her fortune grew with age.

Now she had not only me, but Shi Mo.

Like me at ten, Shi Mo crawled into Granny Shi’s arms whenever he had nothing else to do.

I treated him patiently, and he often came looking for me.

Lin Ze was gentle with him.

Teacher Shu spent each day analyzing the upcoming examination with Lin Ze and was almost frantic with work.

But whenever he saw Shi Mo, he still took time to speak kindly with him.

In an environment where everyone accepted him, Shi Mo became livelier and livelier.

When Lin Ze left for the examination hall, Shi Mo repeated, “Do well. Do well.”

Everyone burst out laughing.

“The words of a child are auspicious,” Granny Shi said.

Lin Ze went to sit the examination.

Teacher Shu was extremely nervous back at the residence.

He paced without stopping.

When Shi Mo saw him, he tugged him away to find me.

I was sitting in the library, absorbed in a book.

My concentration infected Teacher Shu, who also picked up a volume.

Shi Mo gnawed on a roasted ear of corn nearby.

When he finished, he asked, “Sister Dou, will you tell me the Ugly Duckling again?”

I stroked his head and agreed.

Teacher Shu listened too.

By the end of the story, Shi Mo had fallen asleep.

Teacher Shu helped carry him back.

After Granny Shi took Shi Mo from him, Teacher Shu asked me, “Shi Dou, would you walk outside with me?”

I looked at Granny Shi.

She nodded.

It was the first time I had ever been alone with Teacher Shu at night.

He led me around the lotus pond.

On our second circuit, he finally spoke.

“Shi Dou, before the Ugly Duckling became a swan, do you think it broke down again and again?”

“Do you think it ever believed it was unworthy of life?”

His voice trembled.

Without Granny Shi’s earlier explanation, such a sudden question would have made me suspect that he was secretly deranged.

Knowing his history, I was not surprised.

Teacher Shu had been frail since childhood. Despite his mother’s devoted care, he harbored deep feelings of inferiority.

People like that desperately wanted to prove themselves.

He had placed first in the examinations and believed he would finally have room to display his abilities.

Instead, he encountered what he did.

Before he could struggle, he was beaten back to his original shape.

Full of bitter resentment, he returned home to teach.

He numbed himself by repeating that this was simply what the rest of his life would be.

The story of the Ugly Duckling had touched him.

“Teacher Shu, don’t lose heart.”

“Being forced to resign was not your fault.”

He looked at me in astonishment. “You heard what happened to me?”

Then he sighed. “But who has not?”

A moment later, he seized on the crucial point. “You truly believe it was not my fault?”

He had despised himself for so long that he yearned to hear a different answer.

In my view, his story was that of a sheltered innocent, protected too well by his family, who entered the workplace and immediately ran into a wall.

Many people experienced the same thing. Even a graduate of an elite university would be bullied in a first job without a powerful patron.

And if the boss’s daughter took a fancy to you, how could you reject her to her face?

However poor a match she was, it was hardly your place to pick and choose.

The Shus were an eminent local family, and he was a young master here, but in the capital they were nothing remarkable.

Especially not beside the imperial family, the highest power in the land.

Yet he had confronted them head-on!

Of course he had made mistakes.

But what happened was not an inescapable catastrophe.

The Fourth Princess was a scoundrel, but she had not destroyed him completely.

She had merely driven him back home.

That left him a chance to rise again.

If he restored his confidence and understood the true nature of the problem, his talent could send him soaring with the next opportunity—as long as the next woman to notice him was not the Fourth Princess, but some more reasonable princess or noble lady.

Besides, suffering a setback did not mean every road in life was closed. A person had to see the possibility of change and grasp whatever light life offered.

I had gone from a medical student at an elite university to a little beggar who nearly starved to death. Yet I had grasped the hand of kindhearted Granny Shi and made a good life for myself.

As long as the strength inside a person did not scatter, there would always be a road ahead.

Of course, he had already tormented himself into this condition. I could hardly point out his mistakes now. I needed to give him hope.

“Teacher Shu, you were unlucky before. But luck comes and goes. Because it was poor in the past does not mean it will never improve.”

He shook his head. “Even if it improves, it is too late. My reputation is ruined. My prospects are over.”

“Don’t say that. You’re only twenty-five. Your future has barely begun.”

He forced a helpless smile. “My life is already finished.”

“Sir, rising and falling are ordinary parts of life. You cannot accept only the rise and refuse the fall.”

“What you must do is preserve yourself while you are at the bottom.”

Hope alone was not enough. I needed to show him a road.

At a time like this, he was lost and desperate for a straw to grasp.

As expected, he repeated my words. “Preserve myself?”

“Yes. Preserve yourself. Do not sink any farther.”

He fell into thought.

It was late. I had no wish to stay awake and freeze outdoors while waiting for his revelation.

So I gave him the answer directly.

First, the positive side. “Restore your health. Strengthen your mind. Become a vigorous young gentleman. When an opportunity gives you the slightest wind, you can ride it upward.”

Then the negative. “But if you abandon yourself, let your spirit disperse, and allow your body to collapse, anyone who sees you will think: why bother supporting such a sickly man?”

“Cough, cough, cough.”

My words had struck the sorest point. He covered his embarrassment with false coughs.

I grew bolder. “Granny Shi says you are as handsome as Pan An. Forgive my poor eyes, but I honestly cannot see it.”

“When you recover your heavenly looks, perhaps your fate will turn with them.”

I had no idea whether it truly would. But even if his restored looks and abundant talent never won him another official robe, at least he would feel happier himself.

I had said too much and gone too deep.

Confusion crossed his face. “How do you know so much? Are you not merely a fire-tending maid from the Lin household?”

I offered the explanation I had prepared long ago. “I’m no ordinary maid. I’m a maid who knows how to preserve herself.”

“The Lin household discarded many books. Granny Shi used them as kindling, but before she lit them, she always let me read them. You can find everything in books.”

He stared in wonder. “So that is the explanation. Which books did you read? Why have I never encountered any of the words you just said?”

“Storybooks. All kinds of storybooks.”

His eyes widened in disbelief. “Impossible. Impossible. No great scholar would write such things…”

I cut him off. “Teacher Shu, have you never heard this saying?”

Under his intent gaze, I slowly declared, “The greatest masters dwell among ordinary folk.”

He looked thoroughly thwarted.

For some reason, I found it immensely satisfying.

Everyone who looked down on storybooks deserved to be thwarted.