Chapter 3

Chapter 3

With two sentences, Yun Wei had me roasting over an open flame, so I yanked the firewood out from under the pot, rolled my eyes back, and simply pretended to faint.

I collapsed into my mother’s arms. By my ear, I heard Yun Song calling loudly for the imperial physician.

The imperial physician felt my pulse for ages, then said I was strong as an ox, full of vigor, and after struggling for a long while, finally managed to say there was not the slightest sign of a pregnancy pulse.

My mother pinched the soft flesh at my waist and hissed through gritted teeth, “You had better play dead for the rest of your life!”

To make up for my offense, my mother accepted a bandit-suppression assignment on my behalf near Weihu Mountain in the capital outskirts.

My mother’s intention was for me to go out and lie low, but what she probably had not expected was that on my left would be Yun Song, who had ridden over on horseback, and on my right would be Yun Wei, who had come by carriage.

Yun Song said he was afraid I would beat someone to death and he would need to collect the body.

Yun Wei was worried the food on Weihu Mountain would be bad.

But just as we were preparing to set up camp at the foot of the mountain, Qin Meng, the chief of Weihu Mountain, was already waiting there with a crowd of underlings, all looking at us eagerly.

“You must be Young General Lin, right?” Qin Meng wore a fawning smile. “One look at that red-tasseled spear and I knew it had to be Young General Lin! So mighty!”

I looked at the brothers behind Qin Meng, all bound up nice and tight, and stared in confusion. “What performance is this?”

“We humble commoners wouldn’t dare trouble Young General Lin to lift a hand. After all, His Majesty takes this matter seriously enough to send both the Crown Prince and the Second Prince.”

Qin Meng held up his firmly bound hands and waved them back and forth in front of me. “We commoners ought to know how to read the room, shouldn’t we?”

Yun Song put on his stern face, imposing without even needing anger. “If you knew how to read the room, why would you dare smash, loot, rob, and burn?”

The instant Yun Song finished speaking, Qin Meng and his band of brothers dropped to their knees in a great wave and cried out in unison, “We commoners were forced into this!

“The only household we ever smashed was Chen Yuanwai’s. Maybe because there were so many of us, we frightened the nearby people.

“But there was a reason for it!”

Qin Meng’s dark face was filled with overflowing grievance. “Chen Yuanwai abducted Erniu’s own younger sister, Dahu’s cousin, Shangou’s elder sister, and Wang Qian’s sister-in-law. We went to the Chen residence three times and still couldn’t find them, then got slandered as mountain bandits!”

“So he seized civilian women first?”

I slanted a glance at Yun Song, so furious I laughed. “The capital truly is full of fine sights at every turn, just as the Crown Prince said!”

Yun Song’s expression turned unreadable. He ordered the Black Armor Guards beside him to untie Qin Meng and the others. “Lead the way to the Chen residence.”

Qin Meng finally reacted, knocked his head twice hard against the ground before Yun Song, then very skillfully led his men in kicking open the Chen residence’s main gate.

Chen Yuanwai seemed to have gained experience from having his door kicked in. Like a dead pig unafraid of boiling water, he said, “Search all you like! If you can find anyone, you can do whatever you want with me.”

Qin Meng glanced at Yun Song, then straightened his spine. “Blind Chen at the gate saw you send them away!

“And now the Crown Prince and Young General Lin are both here, yet you still dare keep that stubborn mouth shut!”

Yun Song was worthy of being the Crown Prince. His mind worked fast. “Then who instructed you?”

I raised my hand and punched out one of Chen Yuanwai’s front teeth. “You’ve got shit at your doorstep and you’re still stirring the latrine!

“Talk! Who’s the shit-stirring stick that put you up to this?”

Chen Yuanwai lifted his head and looked at me several times with an obscure expression. His mouth was full of bloody foam, but he stiffened his neck and only said he did not know.

Yun Wei looked thoroughly impatient. “Take him back to the Ministry of Justice for interrogation.”

I returned to Zhaixing Pavilion in high spirits and told my mother everything was settled. Not only had I subdued the mountain bandits, I had also caught a local rich man trafficking women.

My mother stroked the dog and gave the Yun Family brothers behind me a smile that did not reach her eyes, then said I had settled jack shit.

My mother said my lawless personality of deciding I could just die if worst came to worst should have been changed long ago. Well, perfect. This time, I had kicked an iron plate.

I was deeply unwilling. “Why should I be the one to change?”

I glanced at Yun Song. “Why can’t he go learn how to cook?”

She glanced Yun Wei over, too. “And why doesn’t he go learn to swing a meteor hammer while he’s at it?”

While Yun Song and Yun Wei sank into deep thought, my mother, never one to let things stay small, tossed the three of us a book, then took the dog by the leash and prepared to stroll through the Imperial Garden.

“You three look it over first. If you can accept it, it counts as one possible solution.”

But Yun Song and Yun Wei only flipped through one page before turning red as boiled shrimp. They clamped the booklet shut and refused to let me see it.

I was so mad I complained to my mother, but she waved me off and told me to handle it myself. “Mainly because your dear old mother says things a bit too dirty. I’m leaving.”

But before my mother even made it out of the courtyard, the Minister of Justice arrived with the Imperial Guards and surrounded her.

The Minister of Justice said that after being put through harsh interrogation, Chen Yuanwai had confessed that my mother was the mastermind behind the abduction and trafficking of civilian women. He had merely been working for her.

“What a load of crap!”

I smashed the stone table with one slap. “My mother, abduct women instead of men?”

But the Vice Minister of Justice said those women had been abducted by my mother and sent as spies to court officials, so she could cultivate her own influence in the capital and plant eyes and ears there.

“What a load of crap from you!”

My mother shattered the stone stool with one kick. “I can’t even recognize half the court officials! How am I supposed to plant spies among them?”

But the Vice Minister of Justice said that, regardless, my mother had to go to Zhao Prison to answer questions and confront Chen Yuanwai.

My mother looked at me, then at the mass of Imperial Guards filling the courtyard, and said she would go if she had to. She even reminded me not to let my temper get the better of me and act rashly.

Under my dark, chilly stare, Yun Song clasped his hands behind his back and said he was the one who had brought Chen Yuanwai back. “I will personally oversee this case.”

Yun Wei, who had been quietly comforting me, was also grabbed by Yun Song by the collar and dragged away with him.

But when the moon rose above the branches, my mother still had not returned. A young palace maid snuck over and slipped a note under my teacup, saying Chen Yuanwai had killed himself the moment he saw my mother.

Then wouldn’t my mother be unable to clear her name no matter what she said?

Wasn’t this a complete frame-up, a reversal of blame, snow in June, hail from nowhere, frost falling from the sky, and an innocent person branded a thief?

I gnawed on my hand and felt that something was wrong. This was probably a chess game laid by the Yun Family.

Yun Song and Yun Wei were responsible for throwing my mind into chaos, then they lured in my mother to catch us all in one net, kill the donkey after it finished grinding the grain, and take back military power.

Just as I was about to go ask the emperor for an explanation, I discovered I had been placed under house arrest. Wherever I went, Wei Cen, the head of the Imperial Guards, followed with a whole group of Imperial Guards.

It did not matter. I had strength.

I kicked down one palace wall after another. After kicking for half an hour, I was so exhausted my eyes went blank.

There were really so many walls in this palace! So many I could never finish kicking them all!

Was this how the consorts in the cold palace went mad?

Just as I was about to kick my way to the Hall of Diligent Governance, Yun Song appeared from who knew where, panting as he asked if I had brought so many people with me to assassinate the emperor.

I looked around at the Imperial Guards following behind me. “Aren’t these all your family’s people? I’m bringing your family’s people to assassinate the emperor?”

Wei Cen, who was walking beside me, looked utterly innocent. “Didn’t Your Highness say Young General Lin could do whatever she wanted, as long as she didn’t tear down any buildings?”

Yun Song looked at the palace walls I had almost kicked a path straight through, closed his eyes, and took two breaths to steady himself before explaining that if my mother came back right now, someone might easily throw dirty water on her. It would be better for her to stay at the Ministry of Justice for two days.

Yun Song comforted me and told me not to worry. “A gold-thread pillow and silk quilt have both been prepared for Marquess Jingyuan.”

Seeing Yun Song’s face as white as paper, I took a pastry from my sleeve and handed it to him as a bribe. “Well, you know my mother. Aside from fighting wars, all she likes to do is flirt with the occasional man.

“And my family has guarded the border city for many years, diligent and devoted. We’ve never caused any trouble.”

Yun Song told me to rest assured. As long as he was here, he would definitely clear my mother’s name.

I nodded like a chick pecking rice. “Mm. May everyone who framed my mother get diarrhea!”