Chapter 1
Mother was appalled by what I said.
She had come from another world.
Ever since I was little, she had told me that in her time, a man had only one wife.
He could not take concubines, much less keep a mistress elsewhere.
After she arrived in this age, her extraordinary beauty caught my father’s eye, and he pursued her.
She made him swear that once they married, he would have no other woman and would be good to her alone.
My father was heir to a marquisate. Blinded by her beauty, he gave her his promise and swore the oath.
Yet within four years, he had found someone new. He did not offer so much as an explanation.
Mother’s family had fallen from power. With no one left to support her, Father was certain he could treat her however he pleased.
No one had expected what happened next.
When the other woman provoked her, Mother disfigured her.
Then, while Father slept, she stamped on his manhood and crushed it.
And so, before I quite understood what had happened, I became the only child my father would ever have.
Mother found evidence in Father’s study and used it to force him to agree to a divorce.
Whatever she held over him must have threatened his official career.
Otherwise, he would never have let her go so easily. He would have had her quietly “die of illness” in the house instead.
After divorcing him, Mother went down to Yangzhou alone and started a small business.
Before she left, she pinched my cheek.
“You’re that old bastard’s only child now. He won’t treat you badly.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to take you with me. I have to work and earn us some money.”
“Once I’ve made enough, if you don’t want to stay here anymore, I’ll come and take you away.”
“My daughter is not going to live in poverty.”
After she left, Father secretly consulted every renowned physician he could find. None could help him.
Worse still, even his beard stopped growing.
He often clutched Mother’s portrait, his eyes red with tears.
Everyone thought he missed her. They all praised his devotion.
Only I knew the truth.
He regretted coveting her beauty, regretted swearing whatever oath it took to marry her.
I inherited my mother’s looks.
I was rather less accomplished at poetry, the classics, and needlework.
In the contests held among well-bred young ladies,
I failed to win a reputation for talent, though I did acquire the empty distinction of being the greatest beauty.
I liked managing a household and keeping accounts, but Father disliked the sight of me working an abacus.
Whenever he caught me at it, he would bristle and glare, his teeth clenched.
Only later did I learn that my maternal grandfather had once been Vice Minister of Revenue, and a master with an abacus.
Mother’s business grew and grew.
She came to see me every year and took me to Yangzhou to enjoy its hills and waterways.
The sight of her sent Father into a fury, but he could neither strike her nor win an argument against her.
My face looked so much like hers that Father refused to let me attend the gatherings hosted by the capital’s ladies.
He would curl his lip and say that, like my mother, I would one day be a beauty who brought ruin.
Then, unable to help himself, he would ask whether there was a new man in her life.
Resentment and jealousy twisted his otherwise handsome face until it seemed ready to split apart.
When I came of age at fifteen, Father wanted to betroth me to someone he considered thoroughly honest and dependable. It would have been a marriage beneath my station.
Mother roundly abused him.
She kept insisting that supposedly honest men were the sneakiest of all—worse than hypocrites!
Since her divorce, she had gone into business, made her way in the world, and dealt with people from every walk of life. She had developed a formidable tongue.
Unable to control her, Father roared in fury.
“Fine! Fine! I wash my hands of it! Do whatever you please!”
“A curse! You’re both my curse!”
Mother wanted to keep me unmarried until I was eighteen.
“Take your time. Choose carefully. Find someone who likes you, someone you like too, and spend a happy lifetime together.”
“Marry above your station or below it, whichever you please. Your father has power, and your mother has money. We can make sure you live exactly as you wish.”
Mother did not understand my ambition.
After all, she and I belonged to different ages.