Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It was Qi Song.

She was Qi Chong’s country cousin, who had come to the capital to stay with the Qi family.

Unlike Qi Yu, Qi Song was usually quiet and reserved.

And yet it was this silent, unremarkable girl-one who had never drawn attention-who bravely stood in front of me when I was so sick I had only one breath left and the Qi family cast me aside, loudly condemning them for repaying kindness with ingratitude.

But sadly, she was only an unmarried young woman. Her words carried no weight.

When I was gravely ill, she was the only one who cried until her eyes were swollen as she brought me medicine and soup, muttering over and over about the kindness I had shown her.

I never thought I had treated her especially well. At most, I could say I had never been harsh with her.

In winter, hand warmers and clothes. In summer, cooling drinks and medicinal pills.

Whatever Qi Yu had, Qi Song got a share as well.

Qi Yu looked down on these things allotted by household rules, but Qi Song would always accept them and then come in person to thank me for my kindness.

Such a good girl, one who knew how to repay kindness, was later given by Qi’s Mother to an old marquis as a concubine after I fell seriously ill, where she suffered every kind of torment.

She saw the lamp still lit in the room and the thoughtful look on my face.

She thought I was sad about Qi Chong taking a concubine.

Summoning her courage, Qi Song asked softly,

“Sister-in-law, can I sleep with you tonight?”

Outside, the wind and snow howled. The lamp wick flowered and popped again and again.

I blew out the lamp and tucked the blanket around Qi Song. Then she suddenly asked in a small voice:

“Sister-in-law, you’re a daughter of the Shen Family. There must have been many people who wanted to marry you back then.

“Why did you marry my brother? And why do you always pretend to be so fierce…?”

Her eyes shone brightly, as though she had seen through my disguise and my calculations.

The question made my hand pause.

Qi Song was right.

The women of the Shen Family were known for their beauty.

So the girls in our clan had never had trouble finding husbands.

I alone was different. I did not possess the striking looks of my cousins, and even when I came of age, no one came to ask for my hand.

Even the guests who came to ask my father for favors, after seeing me, could only force out a reluctant compliment that I looked delicate.

The turning point came when I was thirteen, during the time when the Empress Dowager held regency.

My father’s fellow disciples pressured him to write a denunciation calling for the Empress Dowager’s punishment.

But the hotheaded fools who had written such denunciations before had either been beheaded or exiled.

One night, when Father was so worried he couldn’t sleep, I presented him with a denunciation whose ink was still wet.

“Ah Cuo, the Empress Dowager is acting as regent. Why are you specifically attacking her for seducing the ruler with foxlike charms?”

I didn’t know how to explain it to Father, because I wasn’t beautiful.

The Empress Dowager wasn’t beautiful either, but she was exceptionally clever, and that was how she had won favor.

I don’t remember how many of Father’s retainers praised me for being intelligent, but I do remember that two of them had called me beautiful.

Sure enough, when the Empress Dowager saw that denunciation, not only did she not get angry, she burst out laughing and passed it to the attendants at her side to read. She even rewarded Father with a basket of fresh cherries.

But those who attacked the Empress Dowager in the usual way were not so fortunate. Their households were confiscated, they were executed, and their families were implicated and exiled.

After that, Father would praise me to everyone he met, saying that if I had been born a man, people would surely have spoken of me very differently.

It was also from that time on that more and more matchmakers began visiting our door.

Looking at their calling cards, Father worried over me and said,

“I truly can’t tell whether they’re looking for a wife to stand beside them in equal measure, or a retainer who can help them rise swiftly through the ranks.”

I told Father I had other plans.

That year, the peach blossoms at Pilu Temple bloomed beautifully.

Under the pretext of a spring outing to admire flowers, Father went there to look over potential husbands for me.

The sons of wealthy families, thinking of the Shen Family’s status and of the denunciation I had written to save my father, lavished attention on the maid beside Father who was pretending to be Shen Cuo.

As for me, dressed in a simple skirt and hairpin, I leaned against a lakeside pavilion and watched from behind a book.

That was when Qi Chong appeared.

He came from a poor family. Dressed in plain cloth, he did not chat and laugh with the young masters and ladies clad in silk and jade.

Instead, he shyly bowed to me and, blushing, asked what book I was reading.

The wind shook peach blossoms from the branches. They fell onto the lake, stirring ripples in the water and in the heart.

Looking back now, how could a fifteen-year-old boy not have both inferiority and pride?

Among a crowd of beautiful sisters, he felt inferior about his looks.

Among wealthy classmates, he felt inferior about his background.

And yet he was proud enough to believe that his talent surpassed pretty faces and fine clothes.

In the end, the marriage between Qi Chong and me was nothing more than two people, both insecure and proud, gazing at their own reflections by the water.