Chapter 4

After Mingyue moved out of our courtyard, she still came often to talk with our young miss, but a distance had opened between them that could never quite be closed.

Mistress and servant, sisters, intimate friends, imperial consorts—even they could not untangle their feelings within such a complicated web of relationships.

They saw each other every day, thought of each other every day, worried over each other every day. Yet when they met, they could speak only of anything but the matter in their hearts.

Because of what had happened, the young miss spoke to me more often. Deep within the palace, I was the only person left with whom she could talk.

“You were never very sociable, even as a child. You always stood off to one side,” she said suddenly as I combed her hair.

I smiled. “That is simply this servant’s nature. I was never as lovable as Mingyue.”

The young miss rambled on about many things, recalling story after story from the past. She and Mingyue were always at the center; I was merely part of the scenery behind them.

She only wanted someone to listen. Since we had little in common to discuss, she could do nothing but turn over old memories.

“Mingyue has found what should be considered a fortunate end, but I cannot make myself feel happy for her. Am I terribly selfish?” The young miss suddenly covered her face and began to weep. Her movement knocked the white jade comb from my hand, and it broke in two on the floor.

I crouched to pick it up. “Young Miss, each person has her own fate.”

“Yes. Yes, of course,” she murmured. After that, she fell gravely ill.

Mingyue came to visit while the young miss was sick, but she did not dare cross the threshold. “This is because of me, isn’t it?”

I said nothing. One was the mistress who had treated me with great kindness; the other, my own sister. I did not know which of them deserved my partiality.

“Ever since I was little, everyone said I was exceptionally beautiful, that it was only a matter of time before I soared onto a higher branch.” Mingyue had never spoken to me of such things before. She had always confided in the young miss, to whom she was closer.

Through the half-open door, Mingyue tried to glimpse the young miss sleeping behind the gauze curtains. “Everyone says I am so lucky, but I never wanted any of this.”

“What is done is done. This servant will pretend she heard nothing today. I hope Jieyu Zhou will never speak such words again.” I slowly closed the door, cutting off Mingyue’s view.

An imperial command could not be defied. Creatures as lowly as ants ought to show gratitude. How could we entertain thoughts of resistance?

Mingyue turned and walked away. I did not know whether my simple-hearted sister could understand that, after coming this far, none of us could ever go back.

“Who was outside?” the young miss asked.

“Your Highness, it was an old matron from Honored Lady Li. She came to inquire after your health and brought two fine ginseng roots.” For the first time in my life, I lied to my mistress.

The young miss answered softly and said nothing more. From the sound of it, she had fallen asleep again.

Standing outside, I watched raindrops strike the begonias in full bloom. Clusters of petals fell into the puddles.

Had the young miss seen it, she would have knitted her brows, sighed, and recited some melancholy line of poetry.

Standing there, I thought only that observing the heavens would be difficult tonight.

“What dreadful heat. I have only just sat down, and already I want tea.” The moment Mingyue entered and took her seat, she looked up at me.

With lowered eyes and a compliant expression, I went to pour for her like any ordinary palace maid.

Mingyue accepted my service as her due. The young miss watched, her face gradually turning cold, though she said nothing.

“What is this swill? Take it away and pour it out!” Mingyue’s sudden attack made me lift my head without thinking.

“You do not give orders in my residence.” The young miss raised her teacup and took a small sip.

I had heard the palace gossip as well. Mingyue might enjoy the emperor’s favor now, but her low birth would always be a thorn lodged in her heart. Each time she saw me, that thorn drove deeper.