Chapter 7

Chapter 7

More and more messages came from Fengli.

In spring, it reminded me to feed the cats in the alley behind the hospital. In summer, it told me the mint on the balcony needed trimming. In autumn, it pushed me an audio clip of someone stepping on fallen leaves. In winter, on a snowy day, it sent me a line: Reach out your hand and catch a very small letter.

I knew perfectly well it was just a program.

But the human heart is best at pretending not to know the things it knows.

I began to live according to its messages.

If it said to eat at six, I heated up congee at six. If it said to visit Xiaoman on Sunday, I drove to my mother-in-law’s building, sat downstairs for half an hour, and still didn’t dare go up. If it said today was a good day to air out the quilt, I carried Nanzhi’s quilt to the balcony, as if she had only gone out to buy groceries and would be back soon.

Once, someone from property management came to inspect the water pipes. When he saw two sets of bowls and chopsticks laid out on the dining table, he froze for a moment.

I said, “My wife will be back soon.”

His expression shifted, and he didn’t respond.

Aunt Wang, my neighbor, was more direct.

She stopped me in the elevator. “Liang, don’t do this to yourself. If Nanzhi knew, she wouldn’t be able to rest easy.”

I smiled. “She knows.”

The way Aunt Wang looked at me was like she was watching someone slowly walk into deep water.

I didn’t turn back.

Because on the shore behind me, Nanzhi was no longer there.

Only by walking into the water could I hear her voice.

In the second year, Xiaoman learned to talk.

My mother-in-law sent me a video. The little girl was holding on to the coffee table as she walked. After two steps, she fell, but even after falling, she didn’t cry. She only lifted her head and looked at the camera.

My mother-in-law said beside her, “Xiaoman, say Daddy.”

She mumbled, “Da-da.”

I watched that video dozens of times.

That night, Fengli sent me a recording of Nanzhi.

“Liang Yanzhou, if today is the day Xiaoman learned to say Daddy, please don’t just hide behind your phone. The person she’s calling is you, not your guilt.”

I flipped my phone face down on the table.

Ten minutes later, I turned it over again and replayed it.

There was a little static in Nanzhi’s voice, but the end of her words was still gentle.

“You can be afraid, but you can’t keep being absent. If you’re absent for too long, a child will think she isn’t worth coming to see.”

That day, I finally went upstairs.

When my mother-in-law opened the door, her eyes were red. Xiaoman stood in the middle of the living room, clutching a red building block. She looked at me for a long time, then suddenly held the block out to me.

“For Mommy,” she said.

My mother-in-law choked up. “Every day, she brings things to her mommy in the photo.”

I crouched down and took the block.

Xiaoman reached out and touched my face, as if checking whether I was the man from the photograph.

Only in that moment did I realize that a child was not a judgment.

She had simply been waiting too long.

That day, I stayed with her for the whole afternoon.

At first, Xiaoman refused to let me hold her. She only handed me the red block, then ran back behind my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law was cutting fruit in the kitchen, the knife coming down on the chopping board again and again, each sound heavy.

I sat on the edge of the carpet like a guest who had only stopped by for a visit.

As Xiaoman stacked her blocks, she would occasionally lift her head to look at me. She would glance at me, then lower her head again, as if I were a new piece of furniture she needed time to get used to.

I asked, “Who is this house for?”

She said, “Mommy.”

“Then where does Xiaoman live?”

She placed a yellow block beside the red house. “Here.”

“What about Daddy?”

She didn’t answer right away. After a long while, she picked up a gray block and put it behind the leg of the coffee table.

“Here.”

My mother-in-law came out of the kitchen just in time to see it. She turned away and wiped her eyes.

But I had no right to be sad.

In Xiaoman’s world, I had always been standing that far away. The distance was not her fault. I was the one who had retreated there, step by step.

Before I left, she suddenly grabbed my sleeve.

“Will Daddy come tomorrow?”

I opened my mouth and almost said, “It depends on work.”

Nanzhi’s recording seemed to ring in my ear: Foolish people need clear instructions.

So I crouched down and answered her seriously.

“I will. Tomorrow afternoon at three.”

At two thirty the next day, I closed my meeting software early for the first time.

An investor asked me where I was going.

I said, “To see someone who’s been waiting for me for a very long time.”