Chapter 2

Xu Junchu spent the entire night crouched outside my front gate.

He looked so miserable that my heart softened, and I opened the door.

He pulled me into his arms. Around his neck was the scarf I had cut apart.

Huh? Hadn’t I thrown that away?

We separated, though his hands remained around my arms. Only then did I get a clear look at him.

Several places on his handsome, aristocratic face were red and swollen. One corner of his mouth was bruised purple, his complexion was pale, and the wind had made a mess of the hair he usually kept immaculate.

I had never seen him in such a sorry state.

Young Master Xu was poised and dignified, a man of noble standing who handled every occasion with effortless grace.

Now he looked like a vagrant.

I could not help bursting into laughter.

“You’re laughing?” He tapped me on the head, though some color returned to his face.

“Did my brother come after you?”

He nodded.

My brother must have taken the scarf to confront him. That habit of solving everything with his fists would not change in a thousand years.

“Anran, why were you angry?”

Xu Junchu stared as though he meant to bore a hole through me. “Song Anran, you like me, don’t you?”

His tone was certain, his eyes expectant.

Ever since we became close, we had silently played the same game: whoever confessed first loved the other more.

I was too contrary to admit anything.

He was too proud to concede defeat.

And so, even when both our families had all but decided we would marry, we maintained the pure and chaste relationship of two classmates.

Then I realized what he was doing.

I stepped back and looked him up and down. Oh. So that was it.

“Trying to win my sympathy?”

“Dream on. I don’t like you.”

The expression slowly drained from Xu Junchu’s face until only calm remained, with a trace of disappointment lingering around his eyes.

Later, I often thought that if either one of us had taken a step back and spoken first, perhaps we would not have been left with so much regret.

We probably both believed we had plenty of time. But the world is unpredictable…

Xu Junchu promised he would take me to France to see the Eiffel Tower, to the vast grasslands, and to watch the aurora.

He would take me somewhere without war or oppression.

He held my hand, his eyes so bright that I felt I could already see every one of those wonders reflected in them.

That promise became the future I longed for most.

I waited and waited for Xu Junchu to confess.

Then I would finally embrace him openly, and I would laugh at him and say, *You lost after all.*

Fortunately, the confession came.

Unfortunately, I could not embrace him.

Xu Junchu tried to run away with me once.

Poor fools that we were, we had no experience of battles or escapes. We were caught before we even left Shanghai.

His parents locked him in their house, and Father locked me in mine.

Mother clung to me and wept until a weight settled over my heart.

Father laid out all the advantages and consequences. Only I could save the Song family now, he said.

I never believed Lu Zhi would spare us merely because I became his concubine.

But that was the bargain they had struck, and Lu Zhi’s only purpose was to make every one of us suffer.

Years ago, my brother had beaten apart Lu Zhi and Li Yin.

Now Lu Zhi was returning the favor by tearing Xu Junchu and me apart.

A debt repaid in kind. Perfectly fair.

Perhaps it would make Lu Zhi feel a little better.

Trading me for the safety of the entire Song family was a profitable exchange.

I understood the reasoning.

Living with it was another matter.

I had been raised on modern ideas: freedom in love, freedom in marriage.

Never had I imagined my marriage would be a contract on paper.

Nor had I imagined becoming the sort of concubine I had once despised.

On the second day of the tenth lunar month, I was married without incident.

The cherished youngest daughter of the Song family bowed to fate in the end.

Since I had chosen to surrender, I might as well have done it with grace and dignity.

Unfortunately, I was not quite that magnanimous. Before I left, I did not say a single word to my parents.

I still resented them.

Father had locked my brother in his room. His shouts were swallowed by the festive roar of firecrackers.

The servants whispered that I was unlikely to survive for long in my new home.

Perhaps all of Shanghai thought so. They expected news of Miss Song’s mysterious death to sweep through the streets within days, becoming another morsel of gossip—just like the chairman of the Chamber of Commerce offering his daughter to Lu Zhi as a concubine.

I spent my wedding night alone.

No one paid any attention to me.

I cried myself to sleep. When I woke, the wedding night was over.

To everyone’s surprise, I remained alive and well.

I had been married for more than a month without once laying eyes on Lu Zhi, but I was alive.

Life as a warlord’s concubine was not so different from my old life. Servants took care of everything, and I was still a pampered young mistress who only had to stretch out a hand to be dressed and open her mouth to be fed.

But I was not allowed to leave.

Lu Zhi stationed troops outside the governor’s residence, and no one else could enter.

Those soldiers obeyed him alone.

The only true misery was how much I missed Xu Junchu.

When the longing became unbearable, I wrote his name. I had tried to draw his portrait, but the result looked like a demon, so I abandoned that idea.

Then Dujuan, one of Mother’s maids, smuggled a letter to me, and I learned that disaster had struck the Song family.

Someone had seized a shipment of ours. I did not know what it contained, only that it must have been important. Father finally lost his chairmanship.

He sold all our fields and shops just to cover the loss.

Then Lu Zhi surrounded the entire Song estate on charges of smuggling.

Every last piece of my foolish hope collapsed. At last I understood clearly that one Song Anran could never buy safety for the whole family.

The year’s first snow chose that very moment to fall.

I knelt in it, kowtowing as I begged Lu Zhi to spare the Song family.

It reminded me of what had happened years ago.

Lu Zhi too had knelt in the snow, begging the Song family for enough money to bury his parents.

How long had he knelt?

Three days.

Yes. Three days.

I lasted only three two-hour watches.

My hands and feet went numb. I could barely breathe. My head spun and my sight blurred.

Xu Junchu used to complain that I was too delicate, always falling ill. He wanted me to exercise with him, but I hated the effort and always refused.

Only now did I regret it. I should have listened to him.

I stared at the two characters—*Lu Residence*—on the tightly shut gate and let out a slow breath.

Even if I were strong enough to kneel there forever, Lu Zhi would not see me.

He had made his attitude perfectly clear.

But what else could I do?

Nothing.

Kneeling there was merely a way to comfort myself, proof that I had at least tried.

It was so cold.

What had Lu Zhi felt as he knelt outside the Song estate for three days?

I knew only that I felt wretched.

Grief, humiliation, conflict, pain.

I collapsed into the snow and watched the flakes spiral around me. They were rather beautiful. I no longer wanted to get up.

Would my parents think me useless if they learned I had given up after only three watches?

Oh well. Tomorrow, the newspapers could report that Miss Song had frozen to death.

I closed my eyes. I had so many regrets that I did not know which one to mourn first.

My final thought was that perhaps my frozen corpse would startle Lu Zhi when he came outside. At least then I would have achieved something.

Looking back, I was such a fool. Lu Zhi had crossed countless battlefields. Why would one frozen body frighten him?

I had dreamed countless dreams, but this one was the strangest.

I dreamed of Lu Zhi.

I dreamed my brother had beaten him half to death again and that I lay beside him in the straw inside the woodshed.

I asked whether it hurt.

Lu Zhi’s black eyes stared at me.

Then I heard him call my name.

“Song Anran.”

After a long silence, he called again. “…Anran.”

I struggled to open my eyes. It was Lu Zhi.

But this Lu Zhi wore a military uniform, and the cape over his shoulders was dusted with unmelted snow.

His face seemed colder than before. The softness of youth had vanished, replaced by the bloodshed of years at war. The stern authority of a man long accustomed to power settled between his brows.

The sight of him made people tremble.

When our eyes met, the hand he had just extended drew back. That long-boned hand had seemed to be reaching for my face.

He lowered his gaze to it, something bleak crossing his features.

That expression did not seem like one Lu Zhi would show. Sure enough, a moment later his face went blank again, turning cold so abruptly that it caught me off guard.

I closed my eyes in resignation.

This was not a dream…

Twelve years later, I had once again met Lu Zhi, the servant who once slept in the Song family’s woodshed.

When I woke again, he was gone.

“Second Concubine, you’re awake?”

A maid hurried over in delight. “I’ll notify the governor.”

I caught her arm. “The Song family…”

Only when I tried to speak did I discover how badly my throat hurt. My voice came out hoarse and ugly, like an old woman’s, as though someone had crushed my windpipe.

“Please don’t speak, Second Concubine. The doctor said the cold damaged your throat. You need rest and mustn’t talk.”

My throat…

I touched my neck and nearly cried.

This was probably the greatest hardship I had suffered since birth.

“Lu Zhi. Lu Zhi…”

“All right, all right. I’ll bring the governor!”

By the time Lu Zhi came, I had drifted half asleep again. The maid had to wake me.

The sight of him standing impassively beside the bed shocked me fully awake. I pushed myself upright.

I had to beg him at once.

Truthfully, I had never begged anyone in my life. I did not know how.

The words came out blunt and awkward.

“Please…”

My voice vanished inside my throat. I tasted blood, and the one syllable broke into rough fragments. Frustration brought tears to my eyes.

He was very patient. He merely stood there watching.

I was terrified of him. My hands shook, and I did not dare look at his face. Still, I clenched my teeth and forced the words out.

“Spare… the Song family. Please…”

The hands he held behind his back moved.

Everyone else withdrew.

Only the two of us remained.

I could feel Lu Zhi’s gaze wandering over me.

I began to cry despite myself.

Perhaps I was too afraid. Or perhaps I felt I had lost every shred of dignity.

There was a rustle beside the bed, and I caught the faint woody scent on his clothes.

“Song Kun and Song Ziyao drove my parents to their deaths. I will not spare them.”

He spoke calmly, but his voice was low and heavy.

I had always known why he targeted my family. Hearing him say it aloud still made my heart tremble.

Who could forgive the men responsible for both parents’ deaths?

Father and my brother were killers, but they were also the family who had surrounded me every day of my life. Every modern principle I had learned told me Lu Zhi had the right to seek revenge, yet I could never sacrifice my own kin in the name of justice.

I would always be partial to my family.

Reason and affection closed over my head like deep water. I struggled soundlessly, searching for the smallest pocket of air.

I looked at Lu Zhi. He overlapped with the boy in my memories, yet I did not dare let the two become one.

I had to remind myself constantly that this Lu Zhi was not the Lu Zhi of those years. He was Military Governor Lu, a powerful man whose name struck fear into others. He was my family’s enemy, returned for vengeance.

“Lu Zhi…”

I spoke his name, but my voice was so hideous that even I could hardly bear it.

His gaze suddenly deepened, fixing on me without a flicker.

“Can my life… repay the debt?”

He rose and turned his back to me. His answer was absolute.

“It cannot.”

I wept for a long time.

Lu Zhi sat nearby without speaking or moving and watched me cry.

Perhaps seeing his enemy’s daughter weeping before him gave him great satisfaction.

At the thought, I hurriedly wiped my tears.

Only when I stopped did he stand to leave.

I gathered every scrap of strength. My throat felt as though it had torn open, but I managed to call out two words.

“Li Yin!”

His footsteps stopped. He did not turn.

I had no voice left. I could only stare at his back with reddened eyes.

He stood there for a moment, then left.

I hated that I could not speak. I was certain he had reacted to Li Yin’s name.

The next day, Li Yin came to see me.

Her appearance startled me.

How had she grown so haggard?

By contrast, after more than a month of eating at the governor’s residence, I seemed to have gained a little weight.

Li Yin told me things at home were bad. Lu Zhi’s troops had withdrawn, but my brother had been accused of murder. He had spent several days in police custody before being released and had returned covered in wounds. He was still confined to bed.

Father and Mother had called in nearly every favor they possessed. The police had opened a formal case. If it was not resolved, my brother would either go to prison or be executed.

But Lu Zhi had intervened, and the police could not even articulate a proper charge.

He merely wanted to kill my brother under the cover of law.