Chapter 2

After that, Fu Liu came to collect me several more times. Each time, he had clearly washed his hair and changed into the white shirt he normally saved for job interviews.

I assumed he was still upset about the security guard giving him trouble on his first visit, and spent some time comforting him.

Fu Liu answered absently and told me to get on with my work.

After a few steps, I looked back. He was watching me.

How stupid I was. Back then, I felt warm inside because he treated me so well, because he didn’t mind my work or my lowly position in the slightest.

Fu Liu was good-looking, but no more than that.

He rarely spent time with girls at university. I had never suspected him of anything like that.

On his last visit, he ran into one of Gao Min’s suitors.

He didn’t know who the man was at first. But the car parked outside the villa was impossible to miss. With no one around, he went over for a discreet look.

He studied the rearing horse on the badge and the sleek red body. After he had been looking for a while, the door suddenly opened.

A rich young man was sitting inside, waiting for Gao Min.

His gaze passed appraisingly over Fu Liu’s new shirt and freshly cleaned leather shoes. “Want to buy one?”

Fu Liu flushed and licked his lips.

An unreadable smile tugged at the young man’s mouth. “Or are you waiting for someone to buy it for you?”

Fu Liu turned red all the way to his ears. His fists clenched.

The young man tilted his head. “Want to hit me? Or smash up the car?”

Fu Liu’s breathing grew uneven.

The young man glanced at his expensive watch. “You haven’t got long. If you’re going to do it, get on with it.”

Fu Liu couldn’t afford the consequences of injuring the man or damaging the car.

By the time I ran out, Gao Min had put an end to the scene.

Fu Liu said nothing on the way home that day. His lips stayed pressed together.

I tried everything to cheer him up. As we passed the market, I went to buy a fish.

It was two yuan cheaper if you killed it yourself.

I hurried out carrying a half-dead fish to find Fu Liu. Just then, a heavily made-up woman walked past, patted his shoulder, and gave him a flirtatious look.

I immediately ran over. The woman smiled at me and left.

“Who was that?”

“She was asking for directions,” Fu Liu said.

We went back to our cramped rented room.

It had been partitioned off from a large living room, and the soundproofing was poor. I lowered my voice. “I’ll make dinner.”

He nodded without expression.

I was killing the fish when a pair of arms wrapped around my waist from behind.

Then Fu Liu rested his head on my shoulder.

He sounded as though he had been drinking heavily, his voice full of dejection and sorrow.

“Why does it have to be so hard?” His breath brushed my ear, warm and tingling. I tilted my head. “What?”

“Why is it so hard for me to get anything I want?”

He said, “When I was little, I thought studying hard was my way out. Then I got into university, but I had no money. I haven’t even graduated, and I’m already in so much debt. I don’t dare talk to girls at school. Buying one the cheapest milk tea would cost me a whole day’s living expenses. I want a better life. I want to live well. Is that wrong?”

“No.” I caught only his last words. The fish was struggling, and I couldn’t stop what I was doing. Full of hope, I said, “We’re both able-bodied. If we work hard together, things will get better.”

Fu Liu gave a soft laugh. He lowered his head and began kissing my neck.

I squirmed. “I’m still killing the fish.”

“Do you look down on me too?” he asked pitifully. “This is the one little thing I have left to look forward to.”

I hesitated. His hand had already slipped beneath my clothes with practiced ease. Flustered, I tried to wash my hands and pull away. He simply caught my hand. Fish blood dripped onto his hand and his white shirt.

I cried out.

Things began spiraling out of control in the kitchen.

There were other people in the shared apartment. I didn’t dare make a sound. That day, I finally gave Fu Liu everything.

When I woke, it was already noon the following day.

I was so weak I could barely move. I struggled into my slippers and opened the door. The girl who shared the apartment gave me a complicated look.

I went to the kitchen. The fish was still there, long dead.

Only half its scales had been scraped off.

I looked around and called for Fu Liu.

He was nowhere to be found. Unease began creeping over me.

The girl handed me a cloth. “Wipe your face. That university boyfriend of yours left at six this morning. He had a bag.”

I stared at her. “But they don’t have classes anymore.”

She gave a perfunctory smile and said nothing.

My unease deepened. I changed and went to Fu Liu’s university. Only then did I learn that he had already collected his diploma and left.

I went to the place where his university roommate worked part-time, but learned nothing.

After walking for a long time, I could only go home. Passing the market, I met the heavily made-up woman again. She had already walked past when she stopped and called after me. “Hey, little sister.”

I turned blankly toward her.

She came over and looked me up and down. Then, with something like pity, she said, “That boy who was with you is a regular at our place. You need to be more careful, sweetheart…”

It felt as though lightning had struck me.

When I returned to the rented room and saw the tangled bedding, something suddenly clicked. I lunged at the bed and opened my pillow. Every penny I had saved inside was gone.

I sat there, stunned. After a long time, I got up and started packing.

I couldn’t let him trample all over me without even an explanation.

I was full of anger, hatred, and a fierce, reckless energy. I wanted to tear him apart, slap him across the face, and demand to know why he had done this to me.

I went to the company named in his graduate employment agreement. He had already paid the penalty and canceled it. I went to his hometown, but didn’t find him there either.

And then I discovered I was pregnant.

The most miserable part was that I couldn’t even afford an abortion.