Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Imperial Mother was truly angry.

She stopped seeing me.

Sometimes, I would see her from a distance. She could smile lovingly at Brother Crown Prince, Li Cheng’en, and Zhao Duanhua, but the moment her gaze brushed past me, her smile would vanish, her delicate brows knitting together in a slight frown.

I asked Lü’e if I was truly that loathsome.

Lü’e looked at me with immense heartache.

“Princess, how could you think such a thing? You are so beautiful and kind. The palace maids and eunuchs from other halls all wish they could serve here. We servants love a master like you most of all.”

I looked at her, my heart a tangled mess.

I was loved by the servants.

Yet my parents, my brothers, and my fiancé all seemed to dislike me.

In the end, I decided to copy the Avatamsaka Sutra.

The full text of the Avatamsaka Sutra is nearly eight hundred thousand words.

At first, I was clumsy with the transcription. I made constant mistakes and had to start over again and again.

Lü’e was anxious on my behalf. It pained her to see me rewriting time after time, my wrists trembling from the exertion, and she tried to comfort me with a tearful voice.

“Your Highness, you must keep your heart still. Only with a still heart can you write well. You mustn’t panic.”

Yes!

I couldn’t panic.

No matter how Zhao Duanhua tried to curry favor.

Imperial Mother was my mother, after all-my biological mother. She wouldn’t stop loving her own daughter for the sake of an outsider.

As long as I could finish copying the sutra and prove my filial devotion, she surely wouldn’t abandon me.

I calmed my heart, and indeed, each page I wrote was better than the last.

“To see a world in a flower, a Tathagata in a leaf.”

“To become a dragon or elephant among Buddhas, one must first serve as the cattle and horses of all living beings.”

“Seek not happiness for oneself, but desire only that all beings be free from suffering.”

For three whole months, I did nothing but copy the scripture.

On the day it was finished, I had someone carefully bind the manuscript into beautiful volumes.

I carried the books to Imperial Mother, my heart full of a desire to please her.

Imperial Mother finally agreed to see me.

She flipped through the books, her brow finally smoothing out.

“Good. You have finally learned some sense.”

Joy bubbled up from the depths of my heart.

The three months of hard work had been worth it.

I chatted with her about mundane things, just like we used to.

Until Zhao Duanhua threw herself into Imperial Mother’s arms like a fledgling swallow returning to its nest.

“Auntie, guess where Brother Luo Chen took me today? He took me to meet his mother and sister! They liked me very much and said they hope I’ll marry soon… Oh? Sister, you… why are you here?”

In my Imperial Mother’s palace? Why wouldn’t I be here?

Or did she truly think my mother was hers?

And what did her words mean?

Marry?

Marriage?

To whom?

A thousand questions surged in my heart, jostling and crowding in my throat, leaving me momentarily speechless.

I was stunned for a long while before I suppressed my rising anger to ask, “Imperial Mother, what does she mean?”

“Luo Chen and Duanhua are in love. Does Imperial Mother intend to fulfill their wishes?”

“Then what about me? What am I to you?”

I finally lost my composure, my voice trembling as I forced the words out.

“Nanping, you are the Legitimate Eldest Princess. A good marriage will be easy for you to find. There are plenty of men in this world for you to choose from. Whoever you want, I will give to you-but Duanhua only has Luo Chen.”

“Imperial Mother, what are you saying? Luo Chen and I were betrothed as children; we grew up together as childhood friends. Does fifteen years of affection not weigh as much as the two years he’s spent with Zhao Duanhua?”

“Then why hasn’t the Luo family come to request a wedding date? Do you still not see the truth?”

I felt as if I had been struck by lightning.

Yes.

If Luo Chen truly had the intention…

I was sixteen now. He should have sent his mother long ago to set a date and begin the formal rites.

But he had done nothing.

Imperial Mother continued, “The Luo family has already proposed a betrothal with Duanhua, and I have agreed. The matter is settled. Duanhua, do not be difficult.”

She stood up. In her carelessness, the Avatamsaka Sutra slid from her lap, hitting the floor and falling apart.

Imperial Mother frowned slightly.

A senior palace maid moved to pick it up.

I beat her to it, grabbing the book and throwing it away with all my might.