chapter 1

The next day, Mother became a minor consort in the imperial harem of Great Qi.

The emperor naturally adored her—her fair skin, lovely face, supple waist, and most of all, the radiance she possessed when she danced.

Unfortunately, Mother soon conceived me, and she could dance no longer.

Pregnant consorts could not attend the emperor. The imperial family lacked neither heirs nor beauties, and Mother was lowborn. She quickly fell from favor.

Ten months later, in a remote and shabby palace, Mother labored for a day and a night before finally giving birth to me.

They said I was a tiny, sickly newborn whose cries were no louder than a kitten’s. I nearly did not survive.

My birth brought Mother little good fortune. Great Qi already had more than a dozen princes, and princesses were worth even less. Mother’s meager allowance barely sustained her in a harem where everyone flattered those above and trampled those below. Feeding me as well stretched it past breaking point.

As the emperor’s daughter and an imperial princess, I had an allowance of my own. Yet after layer upon layer of deductions, almost none reached Mother’s hands.

As soon as she finished her confinement, she began worrying about our livelihood.

The empress ruled the harem, but she cared only for her own son and daughter and spared no thought for a minor consort like Mother. The other favored consorts were mostly noble-born and looked down even more on a woman who had won favor through beauty.

With no other recourse, Mother returned to the Imperial Music and Dance Bureau, where she had learned to dance. She begged its matron to let her train newly selected young dancers in exchange for a little silver.

By then she had long been forgotten. New beauties filled the harem, and the emperor had cast both mother and daughter from his mind, so no one noticed where she went.

She taught at the bureau three times a month. On all the other days, she washed and mended clothes, then embroidered pieces for palace servants to sell outside. With that money, she somehow kept me fed and clothed until I was seven.

But the long nights spent working by lamplight—the toil, exhaustion, sorrow, and suffering—slowly destroyed her health.

First she was caught in the rain and developed a cough. It worsened until she could no longer leave her bed.

At last, on a moonless, starless night, Mother passed away.

She was already near death, yet her eyes shone with unnatural brightness as she stared toward the door. No one stood there; only weeds choked the deserted courtyard.

“Third Brother…”

“Green ribbons trail from the dancer’s skirts; wine paints one blush upon her fragrant cheek…”

“You said you loved watching Qing’er dance. Why did you never come again?”

She gazed and murmured until all her disappointment and grief became a single tear. It slipped from the corner of her eye and fell without a sound.

Mother’s death caused not the slightest ripple in the vast harem.

Sister Su took me to petition the empress. We knelt and begged Her Majesty to give Lady Yi a respectable funeral.

Lady Yi was Mother’s title—a tribute from the emperor to her graceful bearing, and the happiest memory she kept in her heart.

But Mother had forgotten that dozens of women bore such titles. Every one of them had sprung from an emperor’s passing whim.

The empress had no patience for us. She merely raised a hand, and palace maids came to drag us away.

I do not know where I found the courage. Small and nimble, I dodged their hands and threw myself at the empress’s feet.

“Your Majesty, please…”

Tears and mucus covered my face. The empress frowned in disgust.

“Oh? Who are you?”

A little girl as lovely as a carved jade doll entered just then. She wore an exquisite gauze dress and a white-jade collar. With light steps, she passed me and nestled beside the empress.

At the sight of her, the impatience vanished from the empress’s eyes, leaving only tenderness and love—the same look Mother had always given me.

Only later did I learn that she was the empress’s legitimate daughter, Princess Ninghui, the most exalted girl in Great Qi—my elder sister, Xu Ruozhu.

That was our first meeting.

She was the moon above the clouds; I was mud beneath the earth.

It was so in that moment, and so it remained for all our lives.

My elder sister had grown up pampered, yet her kindness remained intact. Though she did not know what had happened that day, she spoke on my behalf. A single sentence from her accomplished what Sister Su and I could not achieve in an hour of weeping pleas.

With two casual instructions from the empress, Mother was spared burial in a straw mat.

The chief eunuch set up a small shrine in her former chamber and ordered low-ranking, unfavored consorts to keep vigil. The funeral was simple, but Mother was at least laid peacefully to rest.

As a princess, I could not wear sackcloth for her. Sister Su therefore braided pale mourning cords for me to wear.

Sister Su had been Mother’s personal maid. Only ten years older than I, she had watched me grow and became my closest family after Mother died.

She took what little silver Mother had left and asked a maid from her hometown who worked in the imperial kitchen for a favor. Sister Su cooked a plate of chestnut cakes herself.

I stared at the steaming, fragrant cakes and swallowed hungrily, but she let me have only one small piece.

Watching me devour it, she smiled and tapped my nose. “Your Highness, take the rest to Princess Ninghui.”

“Why?”

“Princess Ninghui is kind, and she is your elder sister. You ought to be close to her.”

I was too young to understand the meaning in Sister Su’s eyes, but I instinctively obeyed. Carrying the plate, I timidly knocked at the doors of Yuzhu Palace.

My elder sister had just woken from her nap. She smiled when she saw me. Without despising my shabby clothes, she happily pulled me onto her daybed to sit beside her. Her warmth and friendliness eased much of my fear.

Like a child presenting treasure, I offered my favorite chestnut cakes and invited her to try one. An older maid beside her frowned in disapproval.

“Your Highness…”

My sister silenced her with a glance, then amiably lifted a cake to her mouth.

She smiled, eyes narrowing with pleasure. “Mm. It’s delicious.”

As we talked, I learned we were the same age, though she was a few months older. I was so thin and small that beside her I looked years younger.

The empress had sheltered her so well that she seemed never to have witnessed the harem’s cruelty. When she heard that I often lacked food and clothes, she slapped the table indignantly.

“Those insolent servants! This is outrageous!”

With those words, life finally improved for Sister Su and me.

And I dimly began to understand Sister Su’s intention. With Mother gone, a young child like me could survive the treacherous palace only by clinging to another great tree.

My innocent, kindhearted elder sister was the best shelter of all.