Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The servants still called me Young Madam.

Not a blade of grass or a leaf had changed in the courtyard. The little maid could not contain the delight in her eyes; every now and then she sneaked a glance at me, convinced she was subtle about it.

Jiang Chengning held my hand, a smile resting at the corner of his lips. “Everything at home has been waiting for you.”

He drew a letter from inside his robe-the divorce letter I had once handed him myself.

He tore it to pieces right in front of me. “I have an acquaintance at the yamen. I owed him a favor, so your divorce letter was never entered into the registry. You and I are still husband and wife. Everything remains as before.”

With all the tenderness in the world, he promised, “Jixue, you have always been the only wife I acknowledge. No matter what happens, that will never change.”

I watched the scraps of paper get swept away by the wind and nodded, my heart unruffled.

Jiang Chengning looked at me, pity flashing through his eyes. “You suffered outside for more than a month, and yet you still refuse to bow your head to me.”

He brushed his fingertips along my cheek. The plumpness that used to sit there had withered; now it was skin clinging to bone.

“Don’t you know me by now? If you had only sent me a letter, would you have needed to endure all that hardship in prison?”

I turned my head aside and walked toward the inner courtyard, leaving his hand hanging midair.

He paused, slightly stunned. I looked back at him. “I’m hungry. I want the steamed egg custard you make.”

His gaze softened at once. He nodded, half helpless, half indulgent. “You-always ordering me about.”

But there was no displeasure in him. He told the servants to see to me carefully, then turned toward the kitchen, his very back brimming with quiet joy.

As if he were still the Jiang Chengning from before, the one who gave in to me on everything.

I looked away. I refused anyone’s help, slipped under the covers by myself, and closed my eyes.

Too tired. I only wanted a good long sleep.

Chapter 2

I slept long and peacefully.

Dusk had fallen; the room was very quiet.

I lay there a moment, gathering my thoughts, before remembering I was no longer in a cell.

A faint fragrance hung in the air.

Hearing movement, a maid lifted the curtain and came in, a tray balanced in her hands.

“Madam is awake? Young Master made this himself. He told us to keep the egg custard warm. It’s just right now. Would Madam like some?”

I sat up and beckoned her closer.

The rim of the bowl was pleasantly warm. I scooped up a spoonful of egg custard and tasted it.

It was the same taste as before.

Mother was never much of a cook, but this was her signature dish. Father and I both loved it. Back when Jiang Chengning trailed after me, he had tasted it too.

After my parents met mountain bandits, I took ill for a long time. I languished on the sickbed and could not keep anything down. My uncle and aunt had even prepared my coffin.

It was Jiang Chengning who crouched by my pillow, crying as he pleaded, “Jixue, eat one bite. Just one. You still have me.”

The first custard he made had too much salt. It was very salty.

I ate and cried.

He watched me and cried as well.

The young gentleman, terrified I would die, kept promising that we would wed and that he would care for me for the rest of my life.

The heart hollowed out by my parents’ deaths was filled by him, little by little.

After that, he made bowl after bowl of egg custard, each one better than the last.

Even now, his hand had not lost its touch.

The maid watched me finish quietly, joy lighting her face. “Madam, you’ve finally thought it through. Even if you were angry with Young Master, you shouldn’t have punished your own body.”

I smiled at her and gave back the empty bowl.

The more Jiang Chengning meant to me, the more it hurt when I discovered he kept a woman outside.

In the morning he could still be gently reminding me not to tire myself, and by evening he could be off to her place with a basket of fresh plums.

When I caught him, he panicked, swore oath after oath there would be no next time, and said he would send her away immediately.

But the sight of him in another woman’s arms had already burned itself into my mind.

I began to spend night after night awake, unable to eat.

Nausea and retching tormented me. I wore myself down, unable to understand how someone who had been good for so many years could suddenly become someone else.

Jiang Chengning kept vigil by my side day and night, begging for my forgiveness. He made custard bowl after bowl and pleaded with me,

“Jixue, eat a little. Please, I beg you.”

Eyes red, he pushed a dagger into my hand.

He said he could not live without me-unless he died.

The blade tasted blood, and the elders were alarmed. My aunt came to call and reminded me the girls in our family still needed their marriages arranged.

After my parents passed, my uncle and aunt had cared for me, and my cousins treated me with all sincerity.

So the first time Jiang Chengning kept a mistress, I let it go.

Our relationship slowly eased. He treated me even more carefully than before, even finding a physician to nurse me back to health.

That feeling like a bone in my throat, I chose to ignore. I told myself that even like this, we could get through a lifetime.

Until I smelled the scent of powder on him again.

This time he admitted it without hesitation, none of the panic from the first time. Calmly, he told me that life had been too harsh for Jiang Ying after she left him.

He was a good man, he said. He pitied those who were pitiful.

Both times I caught him keeping a mistress, it was the same woman.