Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I might be the first person in history to get hauled away in an ambulance because my hemorrhoids started gushing blood.

Here’s what happened.

That night, my absolute menace of a bro, Xu Yanjun, insisted on dragging me out for barbecue. I failed to resist temptation, and even though I knew I’d been bleeding for days, I still trotted right along after him.

A few of my best buddies from middle school got together to eat skewers and drink draft beer. At one point, I went to the bathroom. When I came out, I collapsed on the floor.

When I woke up, I was already at the hospital where his sister worked.

Xu Yanjun said, “You’re insane, bro. We were all gathered around you scared half to death, and it turns out you just had a massive hemorrhoid bleed.”

“Three barbecue meals… and you swallow this matter down into your stomach for me.”

“Yes, Your Majesty!”

Later, my parents arrived. After that, I was lying in an operating room.

The person operating on me was Xu Shanshan, Xu Yanjun’s actual older sister.

Before the surgery, I clung to the door, wailing to the heavens and the earth, while Xu Yanjun pried at my fingers with visible excitement.

“Go on. My sister’s really good. Don’t be scared.”

“I want another doctor! I want a different one! Mom!”

There weren’t many people in the hallway leading to the operating room, so my voice was painfully loud.

My mom actually joined Xu Yanjun in prying off my hands. “Son, don’t be scared. Yanjun’s sister is an associate chief physician in the proctology department. I already asked around. No one’s better than her.”

“I don’t want her! I’m just getting hemorrhoids removed. I don’t care how good the doctor is. I want a male doctor!”

“Oh, you child! Why are you so disobedient? Did all those years of school go into a dog’s stomach? In a doctor’s eyes, there are only patients, not genders…”

That day, I went into the operating room against my will. Because while I was putting up my final desperate resistance against my mom and Xu Yanjun, Xu Shanshan walked over in a white coat, her figure slim and straight. She stopped in front of us and calmly swept her gaze over me.

“Let’s go.”

That cool voice. That damned pressure…

My face turned so red I thought I might explode, and somehow I obediently let go. Then I lowered my head and followed her into the operating room like a quail.

Xu Yanjun said I was afraid of his sister. He was right. Ever since I was little, I panicked whenever I saw Xu Shanshan.

I won’t talk about the surgery itself. I was awake the whole time, scared the whole time, and humiliated in every possible way. In short, it was an entire ocean of bitter tears. I became depressed.

Now I had a new symptom, too. Before, seeing his sister made my heart race. Now, seeing his sister made my face go pale, my head spin, and all four of my limbs turn cold.

Even more pathetic were the post-op examinations.

After morning rounds, Xu Shanshan came over in her white coat and medical gloves, her footsteps soft.

The curtain was pulled shut. The beautiful doctor’s voice was cold and merciless. “Take off your pants and lie down on your stomach.”

Blushing, I obeyed as if my body no longer belonged to me.

A rectal exam right after surgery? It was fatal!

Cold sweat broke out all over me from the pain, and I instinctively begged for mercy. “Sister… big sister, it hurts. Be gentle.”

Holy crap. That weak, hoarse little plea came out of my mouth? Why did the genre suddenly change…

In any case, I felt that hand pause for a moment. I buried my face in the pillow and wanted to suffocate myself.

That hemorrhoid surgery became an indelible psychological shadow over my entire life.

And don’t even get me started on how painful it was to poop after surgery. It was enough to make a person question the meaning of existence.

I howled like a ghost for days.

On the day I was discharged, my mom went to handle the paperwork while I sat in Xu Shanshan’s consultation room, clutching my butt. I watched her write and draw on a sheet of paper as she casually reminded me, “Don’t eat greasy, spicy, or irritating foods. Rest properly at home. After bowel movements, it’s best to take a warm sitz bath to clean and disinfect…”

I nodded again and again like a chick pecking at rice, echoing nonstop, “Mm. Mm. Mmm-hmm…”

Once she finished giving instructions, the consultation room fell silent. She suddenly looked up at me, her eyes narrowing slightly, her pupils dark and unreadable.

A shiver ran through my whole body. I stammered, “I remember. I remember everything.”

The corners of her lips slowly curved up in an ambiguous smile. “Good. Go home, then.”

Damn it. How could I be this spineless? I had a chestful of resentment with nowhere to vent it.

When I turned around and saw her brother, Xu Yanjun, I instantly went dark. I hooked an arm around his neck and squeezed. “Your sister saw me naked, you know that? I’m putting this debt on your head!”

Xu Yanjun clawed at my arm and struggled to breathe. “A wrong has its perpetrator, and a debt has its debtor… Brother-in-law, let go.”

I tightened my grip, my expression savage. “Today, your brother-in-law is going to teach you how to behave!”

After resting at home for twenty days, I went out fooling around with Xu Yanjun again.

Those damned middle school buddies of mine insisted on celebrating how “surviving a great disaster means good fortune is sure to follow.”

Considering they had carried a fruit basket to the hospital to visit me, I went along.

Then we had hot pot together. They were considerate enough to order a split pot for me, and I swear I only ate from the clear broth side.

As a result, my butt hurt like hell that very night, and I actually started bleeding again.

What a tragedy. A little nervous, I sent Xu Yanjun a message on WeChat and asked him to help ask his sister whether it was serious.

He got nervous too. “Don’t you have my sister’s WeChat? Ask her yourself. She’s home right now. Voice-call her. If she starts investigating later, don’t say you ate hot pot with me. Brothers walk this life together-whoever rats the other out is a dog!”

I was speechless. This bastard actually wanted me to voice-call Xu Shanshan?

Left with no choice, I opened her WeChat. On the chat screen, it showed that at the end of last year, I had sent her a ton of bargain-cutting links from some platform. The final message was one extremely ferocious line: “Cut the price for your daddy! Don’t make me beg you!”

What the hell? That last line was clearly something I sent to my buddies last year. How did Xu Shanshan get mixed in there?!

My heart clogged with despair. Trembling, I backed out of the chat, planning to go to the hospital with my mom tomorrow.

But only a few seconds after I put down my phone, a voice call from Xu Shanshan popped up.

My whole body jolted. I hesitated between answering and not answering for a few seconds, then decisively picked up, my voice trembling. “Hello, Sister Xu.”

“Mm.” Xu Shanshan’s voice was casual and a little tired. “Yanjun said you bled when you went to the bathroom. What happened?”

I was so nervous I sounded like an elementary school student called on by the teacher. “I don’t know what happened. I had hot pot tonight, but it was clear broth. I didn’t eat anything spicy or irritating at all.”

“Is there a lot of blood?”

“Uh, not a lot, but not exactly a little either.”

“Does it hurt?”

“A little.”

“Is anyone home?”

“My dad’s on the night shift. It’s just me and my mom.”

“Mm. I’ll come over and take a look in a bit.”

Wait. What? A house call to look at my butt?

I panicked at once. “No need, Sis. I’ll go to the hospital tomorrow. First thing in the morning.”

She answered at a leisurely pace, “That works too. Be at the hospital tomorrow morning at eight sharp and come find me.”

The call ended, and my face fell. Heavens above, earth below, I never said I was going to the hospital to have you look at it! Can’t I switch doctors?!

The next day, I went to the hospital by myself.

My mom had gone to work. Xu Yanjun was now interning at his uncle’s company, and not a single person was willing to ask for leave for me. Their excuses were all exactly the same: “What are you, three years old? It’s not like you don’t know my sister. She’s just taking a look at your asshole. Why are you being so dramatic?”

I was going to lose my mind. Was it really as simple as “just taking a look at my asshole”?!

Sigh. Anyway, in Xu Shanshan’s consultation room, I obediently did as I was told again: lay down, got into position, and took off my pants.

Sure, I’d taken my pants off countless times already, and she’d seen everything there was to see, but more than twenty days had passed since then… so my face still turned an ugly liver-red.

Xu Shanshan applied medicine for me. It was very cool, and my asshole clenched.

The moment the checkup was over, I hurriedly pulled up my pants. My face was red all the way down to my neck, burning hot.

Fortunately, she wasn’t looking at me. She was sitting at her desk, writing something.

“Your constipation is pretty serious, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “A little serious.”

“How often?”

“Every three or four days… The longest was seven days.”

She looked up at me.

Oh my god, it was that look again. Her eyes were pitch-black and unfathomable, gleaming faintly as if they could strike straight into my soul.

My scalp went numb, and I stammered, “Is-is there a problem?”

For once, she actually laughed and raised a brow. “You’re so young, yet you treat your body this badly.”

I instinctively explained, “I don’t. I’ve been constipated since I was little. It’s an old problem.”

“Barbecue, malatang, hot pot, boiled fish in chili oil-aren’t those all things you and Xu Yanjun eat all the time? An ‘old problem’ you cultivated yourselves, hm?”

That casual little “hm?” of hers somehow made my skin crawl. I immediately sold Xu Yanjun out. “He’s the one who likes eating that stuff. He always insists I go with him.”

Xu Shanshan curved her lips and looked at me with a smile that wasn’t quite a smile.

I didn’t dare say another word. Since the medicine had already been applied, I planned to slink away with my tail between my legs.

But just then, Xu Shanshan took a call. She even gave me a sidelong glance. “Yes, he’s here. Got it. Bye.”

I guessed it was Xu Yanjun, and sure enough, she said to me, “Yanjun told you to wait for him. He’ll be here in a bit.”

“Huh?”

“Huh what? Wait here.”

“Oh.”

Awkward. This was way too awkward… That damn Xu Yanjun had actually made me wait for him in his sister’s consultation room!

No. I had to come up with a plan.

“Sis, Xu Yanjun will take ages to get here. I’ll go wander around outside.”

“The medicine was just applied to your wound. Stay put.”

“Oh. Okay.”

I obediently sat down. At the same time, I silently took out my phone and checked it. Sure enough, there was a missed voice call from Yanjun, and my urge to curse him vanished in an instant.

This was so awkward. There were only me and Xu Shanshan in the room-oh, no, and an entire wall of educational posters about anorectal health.

There was also a doctor profile posted on the wall.

Xu Shanshan’s ID photo showed her in a white coat, black hair tied in a ponytail, a cool expression, almond-shaped eyes, a straight little nose, thin lips… Her features were proper, flawless.

The profile read: Xu Shanshan, Associate Chief Physician, graduated from China Medical University, completed advanced studies at Beijing Medical University, specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of various anorectal diseases, and also has extensive experience in diagnosing and treating various pediatric illnesses…

Tsk. That damned sense of superiority.

As far as I knew, she had been “that other family’s child” in countless parents’ mouths since she was young.

Excellent grades, beautiful looks, steady personality… Xu Yanjun once said that ever since middle school, his sister’s drawers had been stuffed full of love letters.

But in reality, she was even better-looking than her photo. She had a slender figure, deep-set brows and eyes, very fair skin, and when paired with that aloof, unbothered air of hers, seeing her standing alive and real in front of you was simply devastatingly perfect.

I sat in her consultation room for a while. Since this was the inpatient department and she had her own office, very few people came by to disturb her.

I lowered my head and played with my phone, though my mind wasn’t in it at all.

She was looking through some files with her head lowered, occasionally glancing at the computer. She looked rigorous and professional, her side profile sharply defined.

During that time, a young and handsome male doctor came in. Even his white coat couldn’t hide his sturdy build. His short hair had been deliberately styled into a side part.

The male doctor stepped in with polished leather shoes clicking lightly on the floor and handed Xu Shanshan a cup of Starbucks.

He was just about to speak when he saw me off to the side. He raised a brow. “Patient?”

Xu Shanshan glanced at me, her voice calm. “My younger brother.”

The male doctor didn’t comment either way. His gaze swept over me, and he let out a magnetic-sounding laugh. “Just how many younger brothers do you have? It’s not like I haven’t met Yanjun.”

Without even lifting her head, Xu Shanshan said casually, “Yanjun’s friend. He had surgery here a while ago.”

“I see.”

The male doctor looked at me with a deep smile. “Little bro, I didn’t know you were here, so I didn’t buy you one. Sorry about that.”

Like some stupid dog, I hurriedly shook my head. “It’s fine. I don’t drink it.”

Then his attention shifted entirely to Xu Shanshan. He leaned closer to her and spoke gently. “Want to go see a movie tonight? There’s one that’s supposed to be pretty good. How about we go after work?”

“No. I’ve been pretty tired lately. Not in the mood.”

Beautiful women really did have an advantage. Even after being rejected, the handsome doctor didn’t get upset. He replied with a smile, “All right, next time then. Make sure you take care of yourself. Don’t overwork yourself.”

The two of them chatted for a bit, and then the male doctor left. He didn’t look at me again the entire time.