Chapter 1

Chapter 1

For a moment, the flower hall fell silent.

Mother’s hand was still resting on my back. That shove just now had not been gentle.

And I had not stepped back gently, either.

My embroidered shoes crossed the crabapple-patterned felt rug on the floor. My skirt brushed the corner of the table, and the teacups trembled with a soft slosh of water.

The Crown Prince sat in the seat of honor, his teacup still in his hand.

Today, he wore plain robes of moon-white, his hair bound with a jade crown. His brows and eyes were mild, and he looked like the cleanest, most upright young master of an aristocratic house.

I had once liked the way he looked at people.

Only later did I learn that he looked at everyone that way.

At me, gently.

At my elder sister, gently.

Even when I had stayed up all night while ill, copying memorials for him, and when I woke, he still remembered to ask whether the lychee paste had been delivered to my elder sister’s residence. Gently, then, too.

Now he looked at me, and at last a trace of surprise appeared in his eyes.

Mother was the first to react. Her expression changed sharply.

“Ah Zhu, what nonsense are you spouting?”

I lowered my eyes, keeping my voice very soft.

“Your daughter would not dare deceive Your Highness.”

My elder sister sat beside the screen, a piece of lychee pastry pinched between her fingertips. The hint of a smile at her lips had not yet had time to fade.

She was supposed to be the main character today.

The Crown Prince had come to assess a marriage match, and the entire household had been busy for three days.

Mother had a new skirt made for her. Father had the storeroom opened. Even the lychee paste sent by our maternal grandfather’s family had been taken out early, one box placed at her side.

My elder sister had only taken a tiny bite before frowning and saying it was too sweet.

But she still ate it.

She had always been like that.

Whether she wanted something was a separate matter. Others had to offer it to her first.

Just now, the Crown Prince had asked whether she was willing to enter the Eastern Palace.

She had gently set down the pastry and said in a soft voice,

“Your Highness honors me, but this subject’s daughter has been idle and undisciplined since childhood. I fear that if I were confined within the palace, I would break its rules.”

The moment she finished speaking, everyone in the hall looked at me.

And Mother’s hand pushed against my back as if it were the natural next step.

In the past, that was how I had been pushed in front of the Crown Prince.

The Crown Prince said the Second Young Lady would do as well.

Mother breathed a sigh of relief.

After a long silence, Father nodded too.

Later, my elder sister married an Idle Prince. She spent her days strolling through gardens and listening to opera. At the Dragon Boat Festival, she received medicinal herbs from the Eastern Palace. At the Double Ninth, silk flowers from the Eastern Palace. Every year, she received the first box of lychee paste.

And I learned the rules in the Eastern Palace, memorized palace instructions, and received guests on the Crown Prince’s behalf.

I spent half my life as the sensible Crown Princess everyone praised.

But when he was on the verge of closing his eyes for the last time, he clutched my hand and called out my elder sister’s childhood name.

“Ah Wu.”

Those two words were like a needle soaked through with honey.

They pierced into my bones. Once the sweetness scattered, only pain remained.

Now Mother wanted to push me again.

But I would not step forward anymore.

The Crown Prince set down his teacup.

“Second Young Lady says she already has someone in her heart?”

His voice was still gentle.

There was no anger.

Nor any embarrassment after having his marriage proposal refused.

It was only as if he had heard something novel.

I bent my knees in a curtsy.

“Yes.”

Mother was so anxious she could not even keep her voice down.

“Ah Zhu, you spend every day inside the residence. Where would you have found someone in your heart? You must not act willful in front of His Highness.”

At last, my elder sister spoke.

She called me softly,

“Ah Zhu.”

Her voice was tender, as if it held a spoonful of lychee honey.

“His Highness came here in person today. If you have some unspeakable difficulty, you can tell Mother in private. Why make it impossible for everyone to save face in front of all these people?”

I raised my head and looked at her.

My elder sister’s name was Xie Wu.

She was as her name suggested, born with a gentle, graceful beauty.

Her health was delicate. She could not endure hardship, could not stand the wind, could not bear the slightest grievance.

When we were children, she loved lychee paste, so I yielded.

She thought the music master’s pipa was too noisy, so I shut the window.

She did not want to marry into the Eastern Palace, so I took her place.

I had yielded for so long that everyone had forgotten I could feel pain too.

I said,

“If Elder Sister feels His Highness cannot save face, then you should not have refused first just now.”

Her face paled.

Mother snapped,

“Xie Zhu!”

The Crown Prince suddenly gave a small laugh.

“It is no matter.”

He looked at me, his gaze carrying a hint of scrutiny.

“Marriage is an important matter. It is not wrong for Second Young Lady to have her own feelings.”

Once, I would have thought him generous.

Now I only felt that he truly knew how to speak.

He preserved everyone’s dignity, and left himself room to maneuver as well.

Father sat at the side, his brows drawn together.

“Ah Zhu, this person you claim is in your heart. Which family’s son is he?”

I tightened my fingers inside my sleeves.

This was the sentence that mattered most.

If I stepped back today, I needed a name to catch me.

Otherwise, Mother would say I was shy and willful.

Father would say I did not understand the bigger picture.

The Crown Prince, too, would only think I was making a scene on a whim.

I lifted my eyes and looked toward the doorway.

In the courtyard, a figure had just followed Father’s attendant inside. He was holding a medicine chest in his hands.

He wore an old blue-green robe. His brows and eyes were clear, his frame thin, and the cuffs of his sleeves had been washed a little pale.

Like an old breeze from Jiangnan.

I said softly,

“Jiang Zhao.”