Chapter 1

My mother was the most beautiful woman in all the realms. She married Heaven’s famous, unrivaled God of War, and the following year, they had me.

I inherited not only my father’s handsome features but also my mother’s spectacular lack of talent for cultivation.

And so I became Heaven’s most notorious layabout. My signature move was to shout for Dad when I couldn’t win a fight, or for an uncle if Dad wasn’t around.

With a face beautiful enough to bring kingdoms to ruin, my mother had become the unattainable love of quite a few powerful men. Which meant I had a Second Uncle, a Third Uncle, a Fourth Uncle, and plenty more to back me up.

It was no exaggeration to say I could swagger through all three realms without a care.

But Dad was always worried that no one would dare marry me when I grew up. All those uncles of mine had remained bachelors for ten thousand years on Mother’s account. Not one of them even had a child.

And he couldn’t trust an outsider with me. So he set his sights on his closest brother-in-arms: the current Heavenly Emperor.

After a whole campaign of threats and bribes from Dad, the still-unmarried Emperor agreed to betroth his future child to me.

I hadn’t come of age then, and I thought this was something well worth bragging about.

I told everyone I met that I was going to have a handsome little husband.

Except I was already several thousand years old before that idiot of a Heavenly Emperor even found a wife.

To be clear, Dad called him an idiot. Not me.

But he was the Heavenly Emperor, and everyone had witnessed the betrothal agreement, so my marriage kept getting put off.

I was happy enough to enjoy my freedom. After a few thousand years of growing up, I had realized that love wasn’t such an easy thing to understand.

For every passion that burned too brightly to last, there was loathing and betrayal.

On my three-thousandth birthday, though, the Emperor finally found his true love.

Before I could even celebrate, he abandoned everything to accompany her through mortal trials and reincarnations.

They were gone for two thousand whole years.

Dad cursed as he dealt with Heaven’s affairs in the Emperor’s place, all the while hoping they would come back with a baby. It was practically an obsession.

The Heavenly Empress’s true form was a taotie, a ferocious beast that fed on mortal greed.

To purge her savage nature, the Emperor accompanied her through reincarnation after reincarnation. Using his divine bones as a vessel and his divine blood as a catalyst, he replaced every trace of her ferocious-beast bloodline.

The result was that he finally had a wife, but had weakened himself so badly he temporarily couldn’t perform his husbandly duties.

There went another thousand years.

And because Dad couldn’t keep his mouth shut, the Emperor spent what little time he was conscious chasing him around and trying to kill him.

Meanwhile, the Empress and I only grew closer.

Heaven was full of delicate, willowy fairy maidens. Women as bold and spirited as the Empress were practically nonexistent.

Besides, my mother was a gorgeous airhead and rather careless when looking after me. The Empress was far gentler and more attentive.

So I began to look forward to the marriage, just a little.

On my seven-thousandth birthday, the Emperor’s son was finally born.

He took after his father’s true form: a handsome dragon. They named him Cangwu.

My parents practically marched me over to the Emperor’s residence with drums and gongs, so Cangwu and I could get to know each other.

But as Cangwu grew up, he seemed to like me less and less.