chapter 2

chapter 2

Jiang Yan came home that evening.

We had slept in separate rooms for a long time. He and that woman had built another home of their own. I did not know why he still insisted on returning to this house every day.

We sat across from each other at the dining table without speaking. The only sound was the occasional click of chopsticks against porcelain.

Jiang Yan placed a spare rib in my bowl.

I did not refuse it.

But when I finished my rice, the rib still lay untouched.

“Your birthday is next week,” he said. “Why don’t I throw you a party? We can invite a few friends and make a night of it.”

“Do whatever you want.” I sounded indifferent. “I have a business dinner that night, though. I won’t be home.”

At last, Jiang Yan looked at me, helplessness shadowing his eyes.

“Xiuxiu, do you have to keep acting like this?”

“Like what?”

He paused. “I just want us to live well together.”

I set down my chopsticks. “Jiang Yan, have you ever thought about divorcing me?”

“No.” His answer came at once.

“Don’t you want to make things official with Li Ruoruo? She’s been with you for years without a name or status. Don’t you think that’s unfair to her?”

Jiang Yan frowned. “Xiuxiu, I’ve told you before. What I feel for her isn’t love. It’s compassion.”

“You are the only person I have ever loved.”

“She simply reminds me so much of you when you were young. I want her to have a better life. I want her to be happy.”

“That’s all.”

He was sincere. He was not lying.

In fact, Jiang Yan had never lied to me. At most, he had hidden Li Ruoruo’s existence at the beginning. Once I found out, he admitted everything.

When I asked him to keep his distance from her, he agreed at first. Later, he told me he could not do it.

He said he could not watch Li Ruoruo drown in hardship and look away. He could not stop himself from reaching out to her.

I became hysterical. I cried, raged, and despaired.

He only held me tight and let me strike him until I had no strength left.

Eventually, I grew tired.

Jiang Yan mistook that for acceptance. Once, testing the waters, he brought Li Ruoruo to meet me.

Her figure resembled mine. Just as I had when I was young, she looked at Jiang Yan with absolute trust and dependence.

That night, I lay in the bathtub and cut my wrist.

Had they found me any later, I would have been dust in the earth by now.

After that, Li Ruoruo never appeared before me again.

Jiang Yan treated me with trembling care—better than ever. Afraid I might try again, he barely dared to leave me alone for even a moment.

Several times, he dozed off by accident. Whenever he jolted awake, his first thought was to check on me.

I knew he was exhausted.

But what did that matter?

No matter how tired he became, the moment he left me, he could fall into Li Ruoruo’s arms and find wholehearted comfort.

And me?

Whose arms did I have left to fall into?