Chapter 2
I took medicine to make myself ill. I had no intention of attending the consort-selection banquet the next day.
Song Qianyi looked disappointed.
“What a shame to miss such a grand occasion.”
“Cousin, you should go home.”
What I said had nothing to do with the banquet.
Song Qianyi panicked.
“Have I done something wrong?”
Her eyes reddened, tears glimmering at their corners.
She looked pitiful now.
But in ten years in that ruined garden, I had never received any help from her.
I had understood that, as Prince Cheng’s consort, she stood on the opposite side from the deposed crown prince. Whether to protect herself or out of affection for Prince Cheng, she could only stand with him. I could understand why she could not care for me.
But later she became empress. The deposed crown prince was dead, and she had nothing left to fear. Still, it never occurred to her to clear my parents’ names or lend them a hand.
Only after I became the new emperor Mu Heng’s favored consort were my parents recalled from exile, with my father given a lowly ninth-rank post.
Even after I had humbled myself that far,
Song Qianyi still sneered at my wiles.
Later, on my birthday, I asked Mu Heng to grant me a wish: I wanted to see my family.
I deliberately kept it vague.
In truth, I could not choose. My parents, my brother and sister-in-law, my nephew—I wanted to see them all. I could not bear to give up any of them.
Choosing one felt like abandoning another.
So I thought that if I phrased it vaguely, perhaps he would bring them all back and let me see them once.
At the time, Mu Heng was very fond of me.
But I had overestimated his affection.
He simply looked at me for a long time without speaking.
Song Qianyi smiled.
“His Majesty and I are both your family, Cousin. Surely you don’t want another family member?”
“Your Majesty, she means she wants a child.”
“It’s her birthday wish. You must grant it.”
Mockery glinted in her eyes.
Everyone knew that, as the former wife of the deposed crown prince, I would never be allowed to bear Mu Heng a child.
As his favored consort, I was merely a plaything.
As the mother of a prince or princess, I would make the imperial family a laughingstock.
Mu Heng said nothing.
Amid the joking and banter,
my wish was brushed aside.
Bells and drums rang out. Songs and dances celebrated a peaceful reign.
Before me, the guests feasted and laughed. My heart felt as though it were being cut apart.
That night, I regretted it over and over. My parents, my brother and sister-in-law, my nephew—I could have named any of them. Why had I been so greedy? Why hadn’t I simply said what I meant?
I never had another chance like it.
My relationship with Mu Heng grew turbulent.
Song Qianyi watched me relentlessly.
Birthdays, festivals, general amnesties—she always found a way to ruin my chances.
I realized she did not want my parents, brother, or sister-in-law to return.
She was afraid of them.
She must have wronged them somehow.
After untold hardship, I found evidence that Song Qianyi had framed my parents and laid it before Mu Heng.
But he looked at me with an unreadable expression.
“Shen Junning, so what if she did? She is my wife.”
“Do you expect me to depose her for you?”
“Stop dreaming. Remember your place.”
I felt as though lightning had struck me.
My place…
I had held countless identities in my life. The only one I had ever loved was being a daughter of the Shen family.
All I wanted was to be my parents’ daughter.
I closed my eyes as tears fell and said softly,
“I know I’m not worthy. But what have I done wrong?”
“I told you, the consort selection that day was ordered by the late empress dowager. I couldn’t disobey her and show disrespect to the imperial family.”
“But I sent my cousin to save you.”
“Yet you treat her as your savior and me as your enemy.”
“What did I ever do to deserve such hatred from both of you—and to have my parents dragged into it too?”