Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ever since I was little, I had set my heart on marrying into the palace.

It all began when I was six and followed my grandmother into the palace to visit my aunt.

My aunt was breathtakingly beautiful, with an air of nobility that seemed born in her bones. Smiling, she pinched my cheek and asked how old I was. Even the palace maids at her side were graceful and lovely, teasing me in soft, gentle voices.

They were nothing like the maids at home, who grabbed me and spanked me at the slightest provocation.

The hall was lavishly decorated and warm as spring. From the incense burner in the center drifted the costly scent of ambergris, and my aunt mentioned offhandedly that it had been a gift from the Emperor.

That effortless bearing of a favored consort conquered me on the spot.

Then she took my hand and said she would bring me to meet the Empress.

We sat high in a palanquin, with a much broader view than when we walked on the ground. Even the palace’s red walls no longer seemed so towering, while the palace servants below looked smaller than ever. They bowed respectfully, bending themselves very low.

I fell in love with the feeling at once. Turning to my aunt, I made a grand declaration: “When I grow up, I’m going to be Consort Xian too!”

She laughed so hard the gold buyao in her hair trembled. “What is so good about being a consort? If you are going to be anything, be-”

Her slender jade-like finger pointed toward Kunning Palace.

I did not understand then.

A quarter of an hour later, I did.

My aunt’s splendor was nothing in front of the Empress.

Countless favored consorts like my aunt knelt before the Empress to pay their respects. The sight shook me to my core.

Since the day I was born, my heart had never pounded with such excitement.

This was what I wanted!

I wanted to be the Empress!

I had only just begun my studies then, so I asked the tutor in our family school what characters a girl should learn and what books she should read if she wished to marry into the palace.

He bristled with outrage. “Absurd! Shameless child! Hurry up and copy Women’s Virtues ten times!”

I was furious.

When my elder brother wanted to pass the imperial examinations and become a minister, the family hired tutors and bought him study companions.

Why was it shameful when I wanted to become the Empress?

My aunt had become a lady in the palace, and the whole family was proud of her.

So I ran straight to my grandmother and asked her. She smiled warmly. “Xiao Tang’er has grand ambitions.”

Her smile faintly resembled my aunt’s. “Xiao Tang’er, you do not want to marry into the palace. You want power.”

Power.

I wanted to command the wind and summon the rain. I wanted to watch others bow to me. I wanted wealth, honor, and glory.

“Men have many paths to climb upward, but for women, there is only marriage.”

I muttered, “But Tutor said I was shameless.”

Grandmother laughed. “He is talentless and incompetent, yet still wants to become an official. He grovels before your grandfather begging for a recommendation. He is the shameless one.”

Seeing me stare at her expectantly, Grandmother lightly tapped my lips. “Then Grandmother will teach you one thing: affairs succeed through secrecy and fail through loose tongues.”

I pondered that.

If I could not say it aloud, then I could only search on my own.

I went through every book in the girls’ school library, but I never found a single book that taught me how to become the Empress.

And because I was always saying shocking things in class, I was punished by having to copy Women’s Virtues, Women’s Instructions, and Admonitions for Women many times.

A woman had to be virtuous and kind, dignified in bearing, gentle, good, respectful, frugal, and yielding.

But by that standard, my grandfather, eldest uncle, and father could hardly be said to have much in the way of male virtue. Yet did the Emperor not still often reward our family with gifts?

So in the middle of the night, I secretly climbed into my father’s study and carefully read every book I could get my hands on until past midnight.

Their books had no Men’s Virtues, no Admonitions for Men, no Men’s Instructions. Every page was filled with the devouring of men.

I read in a trance of fascination, so excited that my whole body trembled.

These were the books I should have been reading!

The palace was a battlefield. Sincerity was a worn-out shoe. Power was armor.

As long as life went on, the battle would never end.

From that day onward, I was enlightened.