Chapter 2

Chapter 2

After turning the corner, I saw my brother waiting for me at the end of the street. For some reason, grievance welled up inside me, and I couldn’t hold back my tears. In a small voice, I called, “Brother…”

He looked at me helplessly, then took me by the wrist. “Your brother will take you home.”

The house was brightly lit. Neither my father nor my mother had gone to sleep. They were seated in the main hall. My father held a book in his hands, but his brows were tightly furrowed. The food on the table was still somewhat warm. Their eyes were full of worry, and only when they saw me return did they let out a faint sigh.

“Rong Xi, come eat,” my father said.

Yuzhu served me rice, and for a moment, the atmosphere was stifling.

“You saw Ning Zhen?” my father asked.

I nodded, not knowing what to say. He set down his chopsticks and said only, “Rong Xi, I sent you to study and learn to write from childhood so you could read ten thousand books and travel ten thousand miles, not so that there would be only one Ning Zhen in your eyes. And there should not be only Ning Zhen in your eyes. Look at yourself these past few years. What have you done?”

I nodded, my voice choked with tears. “I’m sorry, Father.”

What had I done these past few years? I was thinking about it too. Day after day, I prayed for blessings in the Buddhist hall, praying that Ning Zhen would remain safe and sound. I threw tantrums at my mother, refusing to marry, and refusing to meet any other decent young men. I failed to notice my mother’s whitening hair, failed to hear the people of the capital saying that the Grand Tutor’s daughter was an old maid who could not be married off.

I had always been frail since childhood. Perhaps because the sorrow had been weighing on my heart, and perhaps because I had been caught in the heavy rain as the weather turned cold, after that day, I fell terribly ill. The illness nearly took half my life.

In my daze, I saw a man in black beside me. He held my hand and softly called my name.

“Xixi, hurry and get better.”

I did not know who he was. I could not make out his face. I only smelled a faint scent of orchids.

In that muddled haze, I had a dream. I dreamed of the bright sound of children reciting lessons in the schoolroom of my youth. I dreamed of the bustling ten-mile-long streets of the capital. I dreamed of the mountainsides of Mount Bugui covered in blooming azaleas.

When I woke, it felt as though I had lived through one long dream. My brother was keeping watch by my bedside, his face haggard, his eyes bloodshot.

I reached out to him, but he slapped my hand away with force. A grown man, half crying and half laughing.

“You scared your brother to death.”

I smiled at him, reached out, tugged lightly at the hem of his robe, and wheedled softly, “I’m fine.”

My mother and father also came in turns to see me. My mother held me, her tears flowing without end.

I smiled at her and comforted her, saying, “Mother, I’m fine.”

Just this once, and I knew what I had missed all these years.

My mother held me and did not leave even when night fell. She asked me, “Xixi, what kind of person do you truly want to marry? What kind of life do you want to live?”

I thought for a while before saying, “One like Father and Mother. Father has no concubines, and my brother and I never had to deal with any messy fights between legitimate and illegitimate children. A life where I support my husband, teach our children, and live steadily in peace.”

My mother sighed and said softly, “Then Mother will find you such a man. Let us stop pining after Ning Zhen, all right?”

I froze for a moment. Only after a long while did I nod. “All right.”

My mother said that the fate between Ning Zhen and me was an ill-fated bond.

Back then, Ning Zhen was not yet the glorious General Ning he was now. At the time, he was still the young heir of Prince Pingnan’s Mansion, a famous wastrel in the capital.

His father’s title was different from the one held by Chu Yi’s family. His father’s title had been earned through genuine merit.

On the day I met Ning Zhen, I had gone with Yuzhu to the Furong Embroidery Workshop to buy newly arrived cloth. I had only just stepped out the door when Ning Zhen pulled me onto his horse.

Behind us came his father’s furious voice. “You little bastard! If you come back today, I’ll break your legs!”

The suddenness of it frightened me into screaming. He reached out and covered my mouth, and his laughing voice rose with the wind.

“Young Lady of the Rong Family, forgive the offense!”

He had a pair of amorous peach-blossom eyes. They were very beautiful. Curled in his arms, I could only see the sharp line of his jaw and the slight rise of his Adam’s apple.

He chuckled and lowered his head to look at me.

“Young Lady of the Rong Family, are you afraid?”

I nodded, then shook my head. Once we were out of the city gates, he slowed the horse, dismounted, and led it by the reins at an unhurried pace. I had never met anyone like him before, and could only blush as I stared at his profile.

He turned back and smiled at me, asking, “Young Lady of the Rong Family, do you want to learn how to ride?”

Blushing, I said only, “My brother said I’m not allowed to play with you.”

He froze, then laughed so hard he could not straighten up. When he finally had enough, he raised his head to look at me and coaxed softly, “Then secretly play with me, all right? We won’t let your brother know.”

My brother had indeed told me not to play with them. At the time, I studied in the schoolroom with him, and he had warned me again and again.

“At Master Zheng’s school in the academy next door, those two called Ning Zhen and Chu Yi-don’t play with them.”

I nodded hard, then asked, “Why?”

My brother answered without even thinking. “They’re not good people.”

Thinking back now, I only feel that I should have listened to my brother.

In the end, I never learned how to ride. He held me from behind, and the horse galloped swiftly, the wind rushing past my ears.

The lean chest of a young man beat with a steady heartbeat against my back. I carefully clutched the reins and saw the vast, boundless grasslands, and the setting sun gradually sinking in the distance.

If one asked how I fell for Ning Zhen, perhaps it was then. I saw a sight rarely seen from within the women’s quarters. And I saw that young man, as free as the wind.

It was like having a beautiful dream. I said to my mother, “Mother, I won’t pine after him anymore.”

I thought of the man who had prayed again and again for me to get better when I was gravely ill, and buried my face in the crook of my mother’s neck. I knew that person was Ning Zhen. I had even once thought that what lay between us was just like in storybooks-that he had some unspeakable difficulty, and treated me coldly only to protect me.

But later, I understood. No matter what unspeakable difficulty he had, he should never have treated me that way.