Chapter 1

Chapter 1

When she saw my confusion, Chunxiang’s mother hurried to cover herself.

“Oh, Chunxiang had a stomachache just then and was dragging me away. I must have seen wrong. It might not have been Master Pei at all.”

She searched awkwardly for something to say, peering into the empty bamboo basket on my arm.

“There’s no hurry about the skirt Chunxiang asked you to make. Take your time.

“It rained this morning, and the air is stifling. What are you cooking tonight? Those beans look good, and the cucumbers are tender too.”

Before I could ask anything else, Chunxiang stamped her foot up ahead and urged her mother to hurry. They were going to buy silk flowers, and all the bright ones would be picked over if they arrived late.

“Don’t overthink it, Sister Pei. My eyes must have deceived me.

“Besides, you and Master Pei have been married for seven years. If you quarreled over some hairpin that may not even exist, I’d have committed a terrible sin.”

With that, Chunxiang’s mother hurried away.

Standing beneath a willow, I could not help laughing at how cautious she was being.

It was my birthday. Of course the hairpins Pei Qingshu had bought were meant for me.

“I’ll wear one for you at the market tomorrow, Auntie!”

Chunxiang was already pulling her mother away, but the woman finally relaxed when she heard me and waved goodbye.

The July sun was fierce. Rain had fallen both the night before and that morning, leaving the heat thick and steaming.

Pei Qingshu and Zhu’er had gone out early to escort Miss Liu and her son, Qi’er, to the ferry. After all that running around, they might not have much appetite.

I decided I would stir-fry cucumbers for lunch, leave winter-melon and duck soup simmering on the stove for the afternoon, and lower a sweet melon into the well. That evening, our family of three could eat it while we cooled off beneath the stars.

Just as I finished making my plans, I heard Zhu’er call happily from behind me.

He clutched a warm cake to his chest and eagerly held it out to me.

“Mama, the cake Papa bought smells so good! Zhu’er has never had one before.”

I crouched, gathered him into my arms, and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

“Hah! What a bumpkin! That cake isn’t even good!” Zhao Qi’er jumped out holding a little parasol and snorted. “Uncle Pei has bought them for me for half a month. I’m sick of them!”

Had Miss Liu not left? Why was Qi’er still here?

I stared. Beneath the scorching sun, Pei Qingshu was carefully shading the young woman beside him, as if afraid the sunlight might melt her.

She wore a brand-new flowing gown in moonlit white. A small green-jade pin gleamed beside her temple.

Who could she be but Miss Liu?

Liu Yinyue looked me over before letting her gaze settle on my faded pomegranate-red skirt. She hid a laugh behind her round fan.

“Sister, how can you wear red in the heat of noon? It’s far too glaring.

“Besides, a red skirt calls for a gold hairpin. A red flower only looks vulgar.”

Her pale elegance made even my red skirt seem dull.

Pei Qingshu frowned, as though embarrassed by my tastelessness.

“Go change.”

The sunlight burned against my face.

I wanted to say something, but I did not know what.

That I owned no gold hairpin.

That this was the finest outfit I had.

That it was my birthday, and only for that reason had I allowed myself to wear it.

Yet the more I thought about it, the more it seemed that I was still the one at fault.

I should not have worn a red skirt in such heat. I should not have plucked a red flower for my hair.

I changed back into my worn hemp dress, drab and gray.

The balsam blossom had already wilted. I could no longer wear it.

I looked at my reflection in the copper basin. Even the brows I had drawn in charcoal seemed too bold.

My heart ached a little.

I wiped away the brows, then wiped my eyes.

At dinner, Miss Liu appeared in a red gauze skirt, a gold pin beside her temple.

It shone bright and yellow. Like the little green-jade hairpin she had worn at noon, it looked new.

Exactly as Chunxiang’s mother had said: two hairpins, one gold and one jade.

“See, Sister? Only a gold hairpin can carry a color as strong as red.”

Her eyes curved with laughter. Pei Qingshu stared at her, spellbound.

“That pin suits you. It reminds me of the first time I saw you twenty years ago. You were dressed in red then too, leaning through the window to ask what I was reading.”

Liu Yinyue’s smile deepened.

“And what a coincidence—Brother Pei had just reached ‘The Ospreys.’ His face turned red at once.”

The duck soup in my bowl had no flavor. Unhappy, I quietly drew Pei Qingshu aside and asked why Miss Liu had not left when she had already stayed in our home for nearly half a month.

He said trouble had broken out in her husband’s family. Sending her and Qi’er back now would be delivering sheep into a tiger’s jaws. As soon as the danger passed, he would personally take mother and son home.

“Don’t be suspicious, Yuniang. We grew up as neighbors. Our bond is that of brother and sister.” Pei Qingshu sighed, making no effort to hide his tenderness. “You know it rained all night. July is wet, and traveling is difficult for a woman alone with a child.”

I said nothing. Still unwilling to give up, I asked, “Then… Qingshu, is there anything you want to say to me?”

A voice in my heart made excuses for him.

Perhaps the surprise had been hidden so long that even he had forgotten to give it to me.

Pei Qingshu suddenly seemed to remember something. His face hardened as he rebuked me.

“How have you been raising Zhu’er? He fought with Qi’er over a single piece of cake like some starving little savage. Do you know how badly he embarrassed me?”

…

“Zhu’er is young. You cannot blame him.”

After a moment, I looked up and asked softly, “Qingshu, you bought two hairpins, didn’t you?”

Pei Qingshu froze. Avoiding my eyes, he turned his head away.

“I meant to give them to you, but with the clothes you wear, they wouldn’t suit you.”

Qi’er ran in, caught Pei Qingshu by the arm, and tugged him outside.

“Uncle Pei, you promised to take me to catch dragonflies by the stream!”

Pei Qingshu left.

He left me alone.

At some point Zhu’er had slipped into the kitchen. Even on tiptoe, he was not tall enough to reach the stove.

Uneasily, he tugged my sleeve.

“Mama, don’t quarrel with Papa. Zhu’er promises he won’t be greedy ever again.”

I crouched, gathered him into my arms, and patted his back.

“It isn’t Zhu’er’s fault.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Pei Qingshu blamed Zhu’er for being greedy and despised me for being vulgar.

Yet the cake Qi’er had eaten until he was tired of it was something Zhu’er had seen for the first time that day.

Just as I knew how splendid a gold hairpin looked with a red skirt, yet had no such pin to wear.

“Why did you take off your red skirt, Mama? You looked so pretty in it today.”

…

“Mama doesn’t want to wear it anymore.”

Zhu’er looked at me without quite understanding.

He reached up to wipe away my tears, then rested his head against my chest and listened carefully.

“Don’t cry, Mama. Sister Chunxiang says a heart can cry until it breaks.”

I held Zhu’er and thought for a very, very long time.

I wanted to leave, whether the next day brought sunshine or rain.

I wanted to walk out of the Pei home and all the way to the market in town.

I would buy Zhu’er cakes and let him eat until he too could lift his chin proudly and say he was sick of them.

Then I would buy myself a hairpin. If it did not suit my clothes, I would buy two bolts of cloth and make myself a brand-new red skirt.

It would be bright and beautiful. When the wind blew, I would look like a true balsam blossom.