Chapter 4

My little top scholar, Xiao Langyun, had looks, character, talent—every possible virtue.

But he had one terrible flaw.

He came from an eminent family in Lanling.

His upbringing had been exceedingly strict.

Ever since we had become intimate, he asked me every day when we would marry. He said he had to take responsibility for me.

Ha.

When would we marry?

In the next life! Definitely in the next life!

It certainly wasn’t happening in this one.

But I was still enjoying myself.

Obviously, I couldn’t tell him that.

I could only find excuses to put him off.

Yet the longer I delayed, the less I wanted to let him go. My interest in him never waned.

A son of a great family, raised under rigid, old-fashioned rules, Xiao Langyun had always kept away from women.

His elders insisted that he pursue the civil service examinations. He spent his days shut in a room studying.

And Xiao Langyun was a genius at it. Once he began, he studied with a ferocity that blotted out all feeling and awareness of the world.

He had grown up innocent and painfully proper.

Whenever I teased and tempted him, he would blush and struggle with himself, clinging to his senses and restraint.

But in the end, he always abandoned his resistance in disarray, helplessly giving himself over to pleasure with me.

It was tremendous fun.

Until one day,

he suddenly said:

“My appointment will be announced in a few days. Once I hold office, shall I petition His Majesty to grant us a marriage decree?”

The fright stripped me of every earthly desire.

I frantically searched for an excuse to stop him.

But he looked quietly at me and asked:

“Your Highness, do you refuse to marry me because you have no feelings for me?”

All I could do was laugh. “Of course not!”

That night, I wore Xiao Langyun out relentlessly.

His health was none too robust. Too much studying.

After two hours, even his lips had gone white.

Still, he didn’t stop me. He did everything he could to please me.

Finally, deep into the night, he fell fast asleep.

And I took out the potion.

Ah.

This was the first time I had resorted to it before growing bored.

Heaven was punishing me, surely.

After things ended with Xiao Langyun, I was low for a while.

But there was no time for grief. Enter Lu Liheng, the man who would not stop haunting me.

Lately, I had often drunk in the rear garden to drown my sorrows.

Every day, Lu Liheng watched from a distant, shadowed walkway.

He never approached.

Until one day, when I was already in a foul mood, the sight of him made me furious.

I hurled my wine cup at him.

He didn’t move. He let it strike him.

After a long moment,

he slowly walked over and asked:

“Your Highness told me to get in line and wait. Has my turn come yet?”

Startled, I stared at him.

He wore pale blue robes, his features refined and cool. He was asking for me, yet his face was aloof, as though none of this concerned him.

Was that supposed to be affection?

A strange flicker of anger rose in me again. “You were utterly heartless before, Lord Lu. Nothing I did could move you. You said you would never let me discard you like a worn-out shoe. Why have you changed your tune and come running after me now?”

Lu Liheng had always been proud and remote. I expected him to stalk off at that.

But he only looked at me.

A long time passed before he spoke.

“When I said I would not be discarded like a worn-out shoe,”

“I wanted Your Highness to tell me”

“that you would never discard me like one.”

“…What?”

Lu Liheng sat down and poured me wine without being asked. “Your Highness has many male favorites and countless romantic adventures. You seem to give each man a little of your heart.”

He passed me the cup. “But I do not want that little sliver of affection, so uncertain whether it is real.”

“I want all of it.”

I drained the cup and tapped idly on the table, looking at him. “That won’t do.”

“I told you. I don’t like you that much.”

His expression stiffened briefly, then smoothed again.

“No matter.”

“Affection will grow with time.”

I hadn’t intended to get involved with Lu Liheng again.

But his words tempted me a little.

I had dismissed all my favorites. There was no one around to amuse me.

And Lu Liheng was incomparably handsome. Having him as a diversion would be a pleasure however I looked at it.

So I raised my eyes to his.

“Very well.”

Lu Liheng looked as though he had renounced desire.

In fact, his appetites were astonishing.

He did the most shameless things with that cold face.

And always asked:

“Your Highness, how is this?”

How was it?

I always gritted my teeth. “Nothing special!”

I would never surrender!