chapter 3
The age they lived in had merely chained their feet.
I had no gift for eloquence and could not express the fierce emotion in my chest. My heart thundered like a war drum, and my hands would not stop shaking.
…
The next day was my rest day. Too elated to sit still, I invited several friends to drink at the barracks until dawn.
When the sun rose, I was the only one left in the tent. My head felt ready to split when a large, well-shaped hand offered me a handkerchief.
“If you’re awake, wipe your face. I had someone bring food.”
I followed the wide, moon-white sleeve upward to a strikingly handsome face: straight brows, bright eyes, and a tall, elegant frame.
It was the young marquis, Qi Lan, my second brother’s dearest friend.
“Thank you.”
“…That’s all?”
“What else should there be?”
Something dimmed in Qi Lan’s eyes, as though I had wronged him terribly. I was thoroughly confused, but he refused to explain and swept out in a cold temper.
The following day, I encountered him again in the Empress’s study. His movements were stiff, his expression hesitant, and a careful look revealed a blush across his face.
After considering him for a while, I wrote:
[The young marquis petitions to enter the palace and remain at the Empress’s side.]
I set down my brush. Both people in the room turned to stare at me.
…
On my next rest day, Qi Lan climbed over my wall carrying betrothal gifts and cornered me in the courtyard, furious.
“Look carefully at whom I love! Write it down! Rewrite the entry!”
I asked the Empress what she thought.
“Qi Lan and I grew up together, but I feel the same toward him as I did toward your second brother.”
“Are marriages always this reckless? No one asks what I desire or whether I love the man. They only want a marriage certificate to lock a woman inside their estate.”
Without pausing in her memorials, the Empress said, “I will teach you to be the heroine of your own life. I will not teach you to chase romance.”
Then she handed me a memorial and ordered me to enter it into the record.
[Wei Yu, Director of the Salt Bureau, impeaches He Feng, son of the Chancellor, for moral corruption and declares him unworthy to serve at the Empress’s side.]
[The Empress grants the petition.]
Never in history had a woman rejected a man for failing in virtue, much less broken an engagement over it. Yet if the world demanded that women obey the Three Obediences and Four Virtues, then men should also guard their chastity. Only then could husband and wife be equal.
I hoped women everywhere would soon understand and resist as courageously as the Empress had.
…
Breaking an engagement was no small matter. The Chancellor finally emerged, dragging his sick body to the imperial study.
“This old man has advanced in years and lately finds his strength failing. It comforts me to hear that Your Majesty now manages household and state affairs alike with perfect competence.”
The Empress gave me a look.
I wrote:
[The Chancellor wishes to retire to his ancestral home but is embarrassed to say so.]
Unlike everyone else, the Chancellor showed no surprise. He calmly smoothed the cloud embroidery on his sleeve.
“The historian at Your Majesty’s side is exceptionally clever. Regrettably, that was not my meaning.”
I hesitated, tore out the page, and tried again.
[The Chancellor believes the Empress is too capable and has stripped him of power.]
An odd silence filled the room.
The Chancellor took a sip of tea and smiled at me. “General Gu and I were old friends. It pleases me greatly that his daughter now enjoys Your Majesty’s favor.”
“However, I assumed Your Majesty would allow her to inherit the title, command her father and brothers’ army, and pacify the northwest. The eastern sea grows restless, remnants of the Peony Sect wander in the south, and battles wait everywhere. Even without a war, she should at least serve in the Ministry of War. A sixth-grade historian… It seems Your Majesty still doubts what one woman can do.”
“This subject has sinned. I should not have presumed to speak.”
I recorded:
[The Chancellor is blatantly sowing alarm.]
Then I tore up my own entry.
What he said… was not entirely wrong.
I had served the Empress for a full year. She knew my birth and what I wanted better than anyone, yet she never mentioned it.
She had promoted many women to high office.
What of me?
I could not remain a court historian forever.
…
That night, the Empress summoned me alone. She ordered me to take the covert guards to a mass grave outside the capital and find someone.
“Go quickly. I know how skilled you are. You must bring her back.”
I wanted to speak but ultimately held my tongue.
Two incense sticks later, I carried back Sun Tingxue, who had only one breath left in her.
After the Empress ended the engagement, the Chancellor had needed Sun Tingxue dead to preserve He Feng’s good name. Her face had been slashed apart, the child beaten from her womb, and every wound on her body ran with blood and pus. Only a bowl of thousand-year ginseng kept her conscious.
At the sight of the Empress, Sun Tingxue sneered.
“I may have fallen, but I never lost to you! Brother He truly loves me. We will be together again in our next lives!”
Without a word, the Empress lifted a gold brick from her desk and dropped it in front of Sun Tingxue.
One brick could buy several residences in the capital. Sun Tingxue had never seen so much money in all her life. Her eyes widened as though she were dreaming.
“The fact that you can still say such a thing proves you have seen far too little of the world,” the Empress said evenly. “When you possess power, wealth, position, and achievements beyond anything you once dared imagine, I do not believe you will still yearn to become some man’s concubine.”
“Everything changes. Gold does not.”
Sun Tingxue stared at the brick for a long time, her eyes reddening. “How may this common woman pledge her loyalty to Your Majesty?”
“You understand medicine. More importantly, you understand autopsies. As it happens, my father and brothers are all dead.”
“Under suspicious circumstances.”
It was an imperial secret. I instinctively moved to withdraw, but the Empress ordered me to stay.
After Sun Tingxue left, I could not help asking, “Do you truly trust her?”
The Empress tapped a plate of milk cakes and told me to eat.
Ah!
They were my favorite apricot milk cakes, sweet and tart and slightly chilled. They would melt if I waited.
“Why shouldn’t I trust her? Love is trivial beside self-interest.”
The Empress rested her cheek on her hand and watched me, a faint smile curving her lips.
“What I can give Sun Tingxue is more than any man in the world can offer. Unless she has the mind of a single-celled paramecium, she knows which choice to make.”
Her voice was quiet, but it carried the innate authority of one born to stand above others. It was impossible to ignore.
I swallowed the last bite and returned the plate with great decorum.
The Empress stared, then beckoned me closer.
“On second thought, I should explain a little more.”
“That old bastard He Chaozhong is a master of schemes and manipulation. He raised me to the throne because he wanted a puppet while he held the real power. But I am awake now, and I intend to fight him.”
“He controls the army. If I cannot secure my own foundations before handing your father and brothers’ forces to you, you may not survive.”
“Trust me. Wait a little longer.”
I lowered my eyes and counted the patterns in the palace carpet.
Then I held out my hand and caught the apricot pit she spat out.
The Empress burst into laughter.
“The cook was careless. We’ll replace him tomorrow!”
My cheeks felt hot. I did not dare raise my head, but I began laughing too.
When Father was alive, he often said: never employ those you doubt, and never doubt those you employ. Suspicion between soldiers was fatal.
Since I had chosen to trust her, I would follow this road even into darkness.
“I am going to sleep. Decide how tonight should be recorded. Write something simple to satisfy the record.”
I thought, then wrote:
[The Chancellor’s son can satisfy the physician for a moment. The Empress can satisfy her for a lifetime.]
The Empress ran back, red-faced, and tore out the page. She ordered me to stop reading vulgar country romances.
But all I meant was that marrying He Feng as a concubine might bring Sun Tingxue a brief moment of glory, while serving the Empress would be an honor for life.
Did the Empress think me illiterate again?