Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Years later, whenever I saw my missing fingers, a thick wave of guilt still rose in my heart.

But if I could go back, I knew I would still do the same thing.

Because back then, I truly had no way out.

Grandma found me beside a trash bin on a snowy day. Without her, I would have frozen to death on that bone-cold night.

She had stomach cancer. The doctor said the surgery and follow-up treatment would cost at least eighty thousand yuan.

Even if we sold our shabby old single room and every worthless piece of furniture in it, we could only gather a little over fifty thousand.

We were still short thirty thousand.

“Do not treat it, Tangtang. I have lived long enough. I cannot have you sleeping on the street after this.”

I shook my head.

“I would rather sleep on the street than lose you, Grandma. We… we have to treat it.”

Grandma held me in her arms. Her sighs mixed with sobs, and the two of us cried together.

That was a desperate, freezing night.

We both knew that thirty thousand yuan was an astronomical number to us. Where could we possibly get that money?

Grandma had no relatives. She only had me.

But I… did not have the thirty thousand yuan needed to save her.

Yet at nineteen, I had endless courage, the kind that made me believe I could defeat every hardship.

When I shoved my fingers into the rapidly spinning gears, the pain nearly made me black out.

But in the terrified eyes of my coworkers, I saw hope of survival.

Grandma could be saved.

This was the only way out I could choose for her.

The factory manager was a very good man. By the time he rushed to the hospital, my fingers had already been bandaged.

He half-crouched in front of me, aching so badly that he wanted to touch my injured hand, yet he did not know where he could place his hands.

In the end, all he could say, with a heavy sigh full of heartache, was, “Child, you are still so young. What are you going to do from now on…”

I turned my head away. I did not dare look into his eyes.

I was not a good child.

I did not deserve his sincere pity.

The factory manager’s wife, Aunt Li, came to take care of me in person. She cared for every little thing.

She gently combed my messy hair.

She cut fruit into small pieces, warmed them, and fed them to me bit by bit.

That motherly delicacy and tenderness was something I felt for the very first time.

It was completely different from what Grandma gave me.

A coworker who came to visit secretly warned me, “Be careful. This might be a trap of kindness, just so they can pay you less compensation later.”

I instantly became guarded.

I began trying to reject their kindness.

But they continued to care for my body and comfort my heart as they always had.

They paid no mind to my deliberately cold attitude.

After I was discharged, the factory manager and Aunt Li personally sent me home.

Grandma held my hand, the one missing two fingers, and cried silently.

For a long time, she could not say a word. Her whole body trembled with choked sobs.

At that moment, I began to regret raising money in such a way.

The factory manager and his wife kept wiping their tears too.

Our home was bare, and Grandma’s face was sallow. Anyone could see that she was in poor health.

They took out eighty thousand yuan in cash and placed it neatly on the table.

Grandma stood up in panic, waving her hands helplessly, too frightened to know what to say.

She could only turn toward me in silent unease.

“This is the factory’s compensation for Mu Tang. Please accept it. The factory will continue to pay the follow-up medical expenses as well.”

I lowered my head in shame.

The amount was far beyond what I had expected. I had consulted a lawyer, and the figure he gave me was far lower than the compensation the factory manager offered.

Besides, this was only a small factory. The factory manager was the kind of person who had to go out and look for business every day himself.

Every cent came with difficulty.

I needed money, but… I could not abandon all limits and take extra money against my conscience.

Though I did not even know whether I still had a conscience at that point.

“It is too much. I cannot take this much.”

Aunt Li stroked my head and said softly, “Child, there is no need to feel embarrassed. Your road ahead is still long. Take this money and learn a skill that can feed you.”

I lowered my head. No matter how I wiped them, my tears would not stop. I could not say anything. I only stubbornly shook my head again and again.

I took only thirty thousand and firmly pushed the rest back to them.

Grandma looked at the thirty thousand yuan I had left behind in shock.

Three.

It was thirty thousand.

What a familiar number to her.

The old woman was confused, stunned, and deep in her cloudy eyes… there flashed a trace of heartache that understood everything.

No one knew why Grandma suddenly burst into loud sobs.

Only I lowered my head, not daring to look anyone in the eye.

I was afraid that in their eyes, the face reflected back at me would be vile, shameful, and ugly.

In the end, the factory manager and his wife could not persuade me. I drove them out with a cold face.

I even threw the remaining fifty thousand yuan back at them.

I knew I was being rude, but I truly did not know how else to reject that warm kindness.

Grandma cried all night.

No one was sadder than she was.

I only regretted not hiding it better, letting Grandma discover it so quickly.

The next day, we packed our things and moved out of that shabby old room into the hospital.

We also said goodbye to that home forever.

The only home Grandma and I had ever had.

I had no home anymore, but I still had Grandma.

As long as I had Grandma, I still had a home.