chapter 1

# chapter 1

On my seventh birthday, the Empress scolded me again.

I had refused to give the finest gift I received-a little clay horse-to my elder sister. Mother immediately gathered my sister into her arms, then turned on me and called me an ill-bred bastard of unknown parentage.

But I was supposed to be her daughter too.

In the past, whenever her indifference toward me-so unlike the tender way she treated my sister-made me sad, I had always swallowed the hurt. Nanny Ji had told me that Mother had injured herself giving birth to me and would never be able to bear a younger prince. I owed her for that.

But at seven, I had no idea how to bear being called a bastard. The pain sent me running blindly through the palace, desperate to find some hole where I could bury myself until the wound healed.

I crawled through a dog hole in the western Cold Palace and, without quite knowing how, ended up at my imperial father’s former residence.

When I had first grown old enough to be hurt by Mother’s neglect, Father often brought me there. He said it was where I had been conceived, and that my mother did love me; certain things had merely clouded her eyes.

Those visits always made me happy. At least Father cherished me. Sometimes I even exaggerated how miserable I was so that he would bring me back.

Unfortunately, Father was the Emperor. He had far too much to do. As time went on, he stopped noticing my sadness. Like everyone else, he only told me to endure it.

The old residence had stood empty for years and had fallen into disrepair. Following my memories, I found the study I had visited before. There, my hand brushed against an inkstone that would not budge. When I twisted it, a doorway opened behind the bookcase.

A seven-year-old child could hardly resist a secret chamber. I went in with the giddy curiosity of an explorer and discovered the greatest secret of my life.

Inside was a prison cell. It held a woman so beautiful that every consort in Father’s harem put together could not compare.

At first, she only gave me a cold glance. Then her eyes widened slightly, and she looked again. Once. Twice. Three times.

I was just as shocked. With a thump, I fell onto the floor.

There was only one reason: we looked far too much alike. I was already the prettiest, most delicately fashioned child in the harem. Otherwise my elder sister would never have resented me so fiercely.

The woman stared at me, gripping the bars with both hands. Her gaze was full of grief and pain. At last she turned her back and stood there for a long while, struggling to compose herself.

When she faced me again, every trace of emotion had vanished.

“Are you Xiao Cheng’s daughter?” she asked.

Xiao Cheng was my imperial father’s name.

Trembling, I pushed myself to my feet. At last I understood why Mother had called me a bastard. Still unwilling to give up hope, I asked, “My lady, Mother says I’m a bastard. Was she right?”

I stared at the woman without blinking, terrified that she would say yes and just as terrified that she would say no.

She froze. Then, without warning, she burst into laughter.

“A bastard? Hahahaha! Shen Rong, that venomous woman, has the gall to call you a bastard? Does she not know how you were brought into the palace? She couldn’t stand against that old brute Xiao Cheng, so she bullied a child instead. She is as useless as she ever was.”

Her laughter rang out without the slightest restraint, and something in my chest opened with it.

I thought that if this woman became my Mama, that might be wonderful too.