chapter 4
chapter 4
Back in my palace, I carefully reviewed what had happened and realized I had fallen into his trap yet again.
The scoundrel relied on his handsome face to act coy and pitiful around me.
No. This time, I would not soften, no matter what he said.
“Ah Zhao, open the door.”
Hearing him outside, I gritted my teeth and reminded myself to stay firm.
“I have already gone to bed. Go back.”
“But the wind is very strong tonight. There may be a storm. I should come in and keep you company.”
“That is all right. I am not afraid. Your Majesty should hurry back.”
As expected, if I could not see his face, I would not soften.
The man outside waited a long time. When he realized I truly would not open the door, he began talking to himself.
“We have been married for only two days, yet Ah Zhao is already tired of me.
“I suppose I have never pleased her.
“No matter what I do, it is useless. I offered her my whole heart, and she cast it aside like an old shoe.
“Yet to me, Ah Zhao is a woman as radiant as the moon. Whatever happens, my heart will never change.”
He sounded increasingly aggrieved. At last, I rose.
I was not softhearted. I was merely afraid he might cry in front of the servants and lose face.
Yes. That was all.
Halfway to the door, I stopped.
“Your Majesty should still go. I am going to sleep.”
Damn it. If I had not heard that quiet chuckle, he would have fooled me again!
To make my performance convincing, I blew out the candles and hid in a corner to listen.
He continued lamenting outside for a long time before a crowd of servants finally persuaded him to leave.
…
“Your Majesty, wake up!”
Someone kept calling beside me. I rolled over, opened my eyes, and found an elderly palace matron’s enlarged face hovering over mine.
I jolted fully awake and sat up.
“What is it?”
“His Majesty has caught a chill. Perhaps Your Majesty should visit him.”
A chill?
Could it be because of last night?
There had indeed been a fierce storm, but I always slept soundly and had paid it no mind.
Qi Haoyan looked so strong. Who would have thought he could not endure a little wind?
Before I entered his bedchamber, I heard coughing and voices inside.
“No one is to tell the empress I am ill.”
“Will Your Majesty not ask the empress to visit?”
“Forget it. I no longer please her. And now illness has ruined my looks. She would only despise me more.”
Guilt tightened around my heart. I hurried through the doors.
When Qi Haoyan saw me, he instinctively tried to hide his face beneath the quilt. I stopped him and discovered that he was terrifyingly pale.
His already elegant features looked drained of life, turning him into a heartbreakingly beautiful invalid.
The five parts pity I had felt instantly became ten.
Remembering how coldly I had treated him yesterday, I wanted to slap myself twice.
“Why has Ah Zhao come?” Qi Haoyan asked faintly. “Did you not wish to see me?”
He sounded so wronged that I hurried to comfort him.
The servants tactfully withdrew. With no one watching, I boldly kissed him on the lips.
To my surprise, he dodged me. He gave me a wounded glance before speaking softly.
“I might pass the illness to you. If you became sick, my heart would ache.”
“And when you fall sick, does my heart not ache?” I complained under my breath.
“I thought Ah Zhao would not care. I am sorry I angered you.”
How could I remain angry after that? I hastily changed the subject.
“How did you catch this chill? Did I not tell you to go back?”
“It was nothing. I was only frightened sleeping alone in my palace last night.”
Qi Haoyan lowered his gaze. One finely shaped hand emerged from beneath the quilt and quietly curled around my index finger.
“I was unfavored as a child. The old matrons used to lock me in a woodshed, pitch-black inside. Since then, I have never dared sleep alone.”
I had heard the emperor’s childhood was difficult, but I had not known it was so miserable that even a palace matron could abuse him.
“Later, an imperial physician prepared calming incense for me. I have relied on it to sleep all these years.”
“Then where is the incense?”
“After we married, I thought Ah Zhao would sleep beside me every night, so I placed it in storage. I never expected…”
His words made me feel even more guilty. The ache was like a blunt knife slowly sawing through my heart.
“I am not telling you this to win your pity. I know my nature is disagreeable. Neither the late emperor nor the late empress liked me, but that is all right.”
Qi Haoyan forced himself upright, buried his face against my neck, and murmured, “Merely knowing Ah Zhao in this lifetime has brought me happiness enough. I only hope that when you happen to remember me, you might stay with me for a little while. Otherwise, the endless days in this deep palace are nearly impossible to bear.”
He sounded exactly like an abandoned consort in the cold palace.
Yet somehow, I felt those lines ought to belong to me.
Never mind. While he was ill, I would care for him properly.
…
Two hours later, I wanted to take those words back.
A sick Qi Haoyan was impossibly demanding. I had been feeding him medicine for half an hour, and he had swallowed only half the bowl.
He insisted on one kiss for every sip.
The instant I showed the slightest impatience, he looked at me pitifully and asked, “Is Ah Zhao tired of me?”
I endured and fed him another two spoonfuls. Leaning against the bed, Qi Haoyan studied the bowl.
“Ah Zhao, is that not too much medicine?”
“Not at all.”
Not nearly as much as your nonsense!
At long last, he finished. I went to pour tea so he could rinse his mouth, but a moment’s carelessness sent hot water splashing over my hand. I hissed.
The man who had been weak a moment earlier flung aside the covers, leaped out of bed, and rushed over in a single stride.
“Are you hurt? I will summon the imperial physician.”
“It is nothing. It will stop hurting soon.”
“Then I will blow on it for Ah Zhao.”
He blew with great concentration, holding my hand in his. His long lashes lowered over his eyes, casting shadows on the dark circles beneath them.
“That is enough. It truly does not hurt.”
“Then I should kiss it too. My kisses will take the pain away.”
He scattered kiss after kiss across my hand.
My skin felt hotter, and I tried to pull away.
“It no longer hurts. Truly.”
“Is that so?”
Qi Haoyan raised his head and looked at me earnestly.
“Then Ah Zhao should kiss me. My heart hurts.”