Chapter 2

I ended the engagement with the same clean finality with which I had asked Wei Zheng for a divorce in my previous life.

He could not understand it. He was shocked, aggrieved, utterly bewildered.

Brushing a speck of snow from my shoulder, I calmly told him I had never expected him to defend me in public.

Families like ours stood at the center of tangled webs of power. Though it had been called a family feast, our identities and factions differed. One careless word could become an impeachment at court.

I had never expected him to quarrel with my elder sister.

Everyone had been partly right and partly wrong at the Lantern Festival feast.

All I had wanted was for him to take my side later, in the privacy of our room, and say something to soothe my anger.

Even if it was only to humor me.

Wei Zheng frowned. “You have always understood the greater good. I merely judged the matter on its merits. Why make such a scene over it?”

I enunciated each word. “Do you know what it means for husband and wife to be one?”

Even Huayang came to persuade me when she heard.

“It was such a small matter. Quarrel for two days and be done with it. Why go so far as divorce? Look at Wei Zheng. He spends so much time away and never involves himself with another woman. Where would you find a more faithful husband? You don’t know how fortunate you are. Weren’t you the one who taught me that if love is meant to last, it need not cling to every morning and night?”

I swallowed all the bitterness in my throat. When I finally spoke, my voice was hoarse.

“Cousin, only today did I learn that being well matched is useless if love is meant to last.”

Only being loved matters.

It was not that Wei Zheng felt nothing for me. I simply came after too many other things in his world.

I could not compete with all the people beneath heaven. But in a private quarrel among family, even if the entire world condemned me, could he not have supported me with a few words?

Besides, I did not believe I had done anything wrong. I had only tried to stop a quarrel.

I spent so many years chasing him, only to wake from that golden dream and find it empty.

Since my rebirth, I had hidden listlessly in my rooms and refused to go out. Half a month passed before the Crown Princess invited me to view paintings.

She had never cared much for painting or calligraphy. The moment I heard, I knew Wei Zheng probably wanted to see me.

He stood behind a carved window, tall and straight as a pine. Flecks of light fell across him, and for a moment the sight dazzled me. I watched from outside for a long while before entering.

“Why do you want to end the engagement?” he asked.

I extended one hand and caught a pool of light between us.

“Wei Zheng, you returned from inspecting the border the day before yesterday.

“You arrived in the capital that morning and spent the afternoon attending your grandmother while she took her medicine.

“Yesterday, you entered the palace to report to Imperial Father. When the Crown Prince went to the Ministry of Justice, you accompanied him. You visited your teacher and two senior family friends. When you encountered several rich thugs bullying commoners, you intervened.

“Even today, you practiced your sword at dawn, then went to the Imperial Armory before coming to see me.”

Wei Zheng stepped forward, rare urgency shadowing his brow.

“Are you angry I came so late? I can explain all of that.”

I shook my head.

“I am not angry. You draw a salary from the imperial court and have been ordered to assist my brother. Your duties must come first. Your parents and teachers are your elders; after a long absence, you naturally owed them your respects. When injustice happened before your eyes, you could hardly postpone helping until another day. Dawn sword practice has been your habit for more than ten years. The Imperial Armory is part of your duty.

“And I live behind the palace walls while you are an outside official. To see me, you even had to ask the Crown Princess to arrange this meeting.

“You have your difficulties. I do not blame you.”

I looked at him. That year, he was nineteen–a young man without the arrogance of a noble heir, solemn, refined, modest, every inch the gentleman I had loved.

For a moment, I lost myself in him. I bit my lower lip and finally continued.

“But in your heart, the realm, righteousness and law, family, friends, and colleagues–everything comes before me.”

I had chased him, shed all my willful habits, and earned a few backward glances from him.

But we could never walk side by side.

Wei Zheng stood frozen. I stepped back, bent my knees, and gave him a formal bow.

“Young General Wei, let our engagement end here. May your future be bright and all your endeavors prosper.”

May everything go well for you, with me no longer at your side.

As I left, a line of white swallows flew over the high palace wall.

I covered my stinging eyes and thought, *Without me at his side… Wei Zheng never needed me there at all.*