Chapter 1
Chapter 1
I knew from a very young age that Dad didn’t like me.
Because I wasn’t the boy he wanted.
When my boy cousins from the city came, Dad always had Mom kill a chicken or a goose and bring out the best things to entertain them.
He let the cousins ride on his shoulders and took them all around the village.
Smiling, he’d tell everyone he met, “These are my sons raised in the city. Don’t they look just like me?”
But normally, he wouldn’t even give me a smile.
No matter how small a mistake I made, it would earn me his sullen stare and disgusted words: “If you cause trouble again, I’ll send you away.”
“I should have gotten a B-ultrasound before you were born.”
That’s right.
When Mom was pregnant with me, everyone said her belly was pointy, so it must be a boy.
Some suggested Dad should get an ultrasound, just to be safe.
He was reluctant to spend the money, plus Mom had a craving for sour things, and he dreamed that Grandpa said his line would continue.
And so I came.
In the countryside, there were always busybodies who’d tease me: “If you don’t behave, your parents will sell you off to some mountain valley to be a wild man’s wife.”
To them it was just a casual joke, but to me it was a nightmare that followed me everywhere.
To avoid being sold, I was exceptionally well-behaved.
Even when scalded by boiling water, I’d bite my lip and not cry.
Even when the popsicle vendor shouted outside, I’d resist asking for one.
Little as I was, I could light the fire and cook.
Little as I was, I could bring Dad his footbath water.
Little as I was, when helping with the rice harvest, I got bitten by a snake, and half my leg swelled up.
Mom found a folk remedy and treated the wound, her eyes red as she asked, “Does it hurt? Thank goodness the snake wasn’t venomous.”
Dad was impatient: “How could you not see such a big snake? Are your eyes just for show? She’s nothing but trouble.”
I worried he’d think about sending me away again.
Holding back tears, I whispered, “Mom, it doesn’t hurt at all.”
“I can go back to work in the field soon.”
Later, Mom had me stay home and cook.
I didn’t control the fire well, and the rice burned.
When Dad tasted the slightly bitter rice, he was so furious he slapped me: “You can’t even do such a simple thing. What use are you to me?”
Mom defended me: “She’s only five…”
Dad only got angrier: “She’s already five, and what’s happening with your belly all these years?”
“If she had a dick, I’d even call her daddy! Haven’t you heard what the villagers say?”
My sister and I are both girls, and Mom’s belly had stayed quiet for years.
The villagers said Dad was probably going to have his line end.
When the village was updating the clan genealogy, every family had to contribute money. When it was our turn, someone said: “Hu Liang doesn’t need to pay; his older brother can cover it.”
“He has no son, so his line will be cut off. It wouldn’t be right to make him pay.”
In front of the villagers, Dad said nothing, just smiled.
But when he came home, he shut the door and drank in silence. When he’d had too much, he wanted to hit Mom.
My sister and I rushed to protect her. Dad kicked me in the chest.
“Get out!”
“If you were a son, would I have to suffer this humiliation?”
Mom pushed my sister and me into the side room and bore Dad’s fury alone.
Through the worn door, the sounds of crashing and slamming slammed against my heart.
I heard Mom crying: “It’s not that I don’t want a son.”
“Didn’t I urge you to get a B-ultrasound back then? You were the one who didn’t want to spend the money, and now you blame me.”
“Second Sister was already born, what could I do? Stuff her back into my belly and turn her into a boy?”
…
My sister, three years older, frowned and said, “Before you were here, Mom and Dad never fought.”
“If only Mom hadn’t given birth to you.”