chapter 1

Father’s face darkened, and his palm flew up.

Uncle stepped in front of me. “Put your hand down. What do you think you’re doing?”

Mother dissolved into tears. “I gave birth to an enemy instead of a daughter! We raised her all these years, only for her to hate her own parents so bitterly.”

My cousin shielded me too. “Aunt, you’re worrying too much. Han’er has always been obedient. She didn’t mean to talk back. Let me speak to her.”

She pulled me out of the main hall. I glanced over my shoulder.

Mother still had tears clinging to her face, but the glare she fixed on me said I was the unreasonable one.

I looked away and sighed.

Had they not been signaling at me to speak?

Then, when I did, they were displeased.

My cousin drew me into her fragrant bedchamber and clasped my hands.

“Don’t listen to their nonsense. There are other ways to end an engagement. You don’t have to marry in my place.”

I shook my head. “I truly want to.”

She stared at me. “Do you understand what the Lin family is like now? Since their decline, they have only two servants to tend to Lin Zhiyun and his parents. You’ll suffer if you marry into that household.”

She stroked my hair. “Don’t do something foolish just because you’re angry.”

I shook my head again. “I’m not angry. First, Uncle is due for a promotion. He cannot afford to be accused of breaking a promise because he despises the poor and worships the rich. Second…”

I frowned in earnest concentration. “Second, Lin Zhiyun has come to the capital for the examinations. What if he passes? There is no need to sour the relationship. Third, we played with him for a while when we were children. He has a good temper, and his parents are both gentle people. Whatever I say, at least they won’t beat me to death.”

My cousin pinched my cheek, torn between speechlessness and exasperation. “Can you never rein in that mouth of yours?”

I lowered my eyes. “That’s another reason. I cannot marry into a great household with endless rules. Even if no one beats me to death, there would be no guarding against the underhanded methods of anyone I offended. Every step would have to be taken with care.”

Everyone in the capital said the Luo family’s two legitimate daughters could not be more different: one was charming, capable, and at ease in any company, while the other was a dull, dreary mute.

They were right about my cousin.

They were wrong about me.

I was not dull. I simply could not afford to speak.

I disliked lying. Silence could pass for meekness, but the moment I opened my mouth, it was as though thorns sprang from every inch of me.

The first person I ever offended was my father.

I had been young then, too young to know better than to believe what adults said.

After Father took another concubine, Mother once complained bitterly to me, “He would like a fresh lump of dog dung if it were new to him. Why are you so useless that you cannot win even a scrap of your father’s affection?”

She jabbed my forehead until I swayed.

Determined to make myself useful, I mixed dog dung into Father’s rice.

Fresh dung smelled terrible, so I held my nose and added only a little to each dish. I could not understand why he liked such a thing.

Father refused none of the food. He tasted every dish, then lifted me into his arms and praised me for being thoughtful.

That gave me something to ponder.

For seven days straight, I brought him meals and pastries, never forgetting a fresh pinch of his favorite seasoning.

At last, Father returned to Mother’s bedchamber and praised her for raising me well.

When Mother asked what I had done, I told her the truth.

“I brought Father the fresh dog dung he likes. I added some to every dish for flavor. He loved it.”

Father nearly skinned me alive.

Mother stopped him, furious yet fighting the urge to laugh so hard that her face kept twitching.

Father decided she had taught me to be wicked and spent even more time with his concubine.

Mother blamed me and refused to see me.

For a long while, I was left to my maid and wet nurse.

Whenever my parents did see me, everything about me seemed to displease them.

They told me to keep my mouth shut and stay quietly indoors. If I caused trouble outside and someone beat me to death, they warned, they would not save me.

For years, I attended banquets at my cousin’s side as silent as a gourd with its mouth sawn shut.

She dazzled while I faded into the background.

My parents grew more disgusted with me. They feared I would embarrass them in public, yet envied Uncle for having such a splendid daughter.

When I returned from my cousin’s room, I found them waiting in our courtyard with matching scowls.

Father barked the instant he saw me. “Kneel!”

I stayed outside the threshold, keeping a safe distance.

“Father, what have I done wrong?”

He clutched his chest in rage. Mother hurried to calm him while scolding me over her shoulder.

“If you wished to accept the marriage today, then accept it. Why did you have to attack your parents? In all these years, have we ever denied you food or clothing? Did you have to humiliate us before so many people?”

I nodded in understanding. “I never said you denied me food or clothing. I said you were spineless, fawning, and biased. Which of those three things is untrue?”