Chapter 3
Naturally, Father would never admit where the silver had come from.
He tired of Ruyan after that and told everyone that whores were heartless. By then, he was riding high. He had money in his purse and the title of an Imperial Academy student. Men flattered him; women admired him.
For months, he prowled the town like a dog in heat, disappearing into brothels for days at a time.
On Mother’s birthday, he came home drunk and immediately tried to leave again. Xingdi blocked his way and begged him to stay for a cup of wine with Mother.
“It is only once a year. Please, stay a while.”
But Father’s bleary eyes fixed on the creamy skin of her neck.
She shoved him away. “My courses started today. Master, don’t paw at me.”
His eyes were already bloodshot. He cared nothing for the harm intercourse during her courses might do. He seized Xingdi and forced himself on her.
The next morning, she knelt before Mother with me in her arms, her eyes red. Usually so blunt and forthright, she stammered without managing a word. Then she looked up and slapped herself.
“Aunt Xing!”
“What are you doing?”
Mother and I cried out together.
Xingdi clung to Mother’s legs. “I’m not human, Elder Sister. I’m not human!”
That one cry broke Mother’s heart. Tears filled her eyes. “How could any of this be your fault? I only pray it has not left you ill.”
Her fear proved justified. From that day on, Xingdi bled intermittently. Three months passed before Mother discovered it and hurriedly summoned a female physician.
The physician took Xingdi’s pulse and announced astonishingly good news. “Congratulations. The junior mistress is with child!”
No one could say whether my little sister had been conceived before Mother’s birthday or on that terrible night.
Mother was overjoyed regardless. She told Father, “Look how round Sister’s belly is. It must be a boy. At last, Husband will have an heir.”
Father danced with delight. He fussed over Xingdi and held Mother’s hand, making her promise to care for his precious son.
He even chose the name early. “Guangyao. Cheng Guangyao!”
I watched from the side, a little envious. I was five and still had no name. The servants called me Eldest Miss; Mother and Xingdi called me their eldest girl.
Mother noticed my expression. “Since you are happy today, why not give our eldest girl a name as well?”
Father stroked his beard for a moment, then wrote the characters for Linzhi—the arrival of the qilin.
“The qilin signifies a son. Our eldest girl will surely bring a boy into this family!”
I understood none of it. I grinned foolishly, thrilled merely to have a name. Xingdi seemed only half to understand and kept teasing me as before.
Only Mother’s smile faded.
Ruyan, already cast aside, leaned against the doorframe. She watched Father’s jubilation, spitting melon-seed shells with bitter, desolate eyes. Her years as a courtesan had damaged her so badly that she could no longer conceive.
No one spared a thought for her feelings. The household bustled with preparations. Every morning, Mother rose early to look after Xingdi with meticulous care. She made Father hire another cook and served Xingdi good food and tea, terrified that Sister or the child in her belly might go hungry.
Whenever she found a free moment, Mother cut cloth and embroidered, sewing clothes, shoes, and stockings for my unborn sibling.
Xingdi could hardly put down the finished tiger-head cap and shoes. “I was sold to a household that trained quanzao maids when I was five or six. I have spent half my life in kitchens. I don’t even know how to hold a needle. So when I gave birth to my—”
She stopped abruptly.
When she had given birth to the son who died, she had made him no clothes.
At such moments, I burrowed into her arms to cheer her.
“It is all behind you now,” Mother said. “Your good days are about to begin.”
She was wrong.
Six months later, Xingdi gave birth to my little sister.