Chapter 2

Chapter 2

In truth, Xiao Yu had never needed to deal with me himself.

He held such a lofty position that a single look from him could decide my fate.

When Prince Liang was still alive, Xiao Yu had wanted to appear magnanimous, so in public, he would at least keep up appearances with me.

After he executed Prince Liang, he kept me by his side as a plaything for his amusement.

My bedding being soaked with tea, embroidery needles hidden in my shoe inserts, or my clothes being cut to shreds by other palace maids were all common occurrences.

If there was even the faintest glimmer of light in my life, it was Xie Lin’an, Young General Xie.

I met General Xie on the day Xiao Yu executed Prince Liang.

That night, Xiao Yu summoned me before the throne, took out a brocade box, and told me with a pleasant smile that he had a grand gift for me.

I opened the box. Inside was Prince Liang’s severed head, still bloody.

I screamed and flung the box away. When I looked back at Xiao Yu, the warm smile from moments ago had already vanished. He stood before me with his hands behind his back, every line of his brows and eyes brimming with the satisfaction of revenge.

“Get out,” he said.

I supposed he had endured humiliation and hardship for a long time, waiting for that day.

But the world was so vast, and when Xiao Yu told me to get out, I found I did not know where I was supposed to go.

I stood blankly in the pouring rain for half the night. Before I fainted, I vaguely heard someone calling to me.

The next day, I woke in the Imperial Medical Bureau. The young medicine apprentice caring for me said General Xie had brought me there overnight. Imperial Physician Liu, who was on duty, had originally been busy preparing to visit the Duke’s Manor for a consultation, but General Xie got angry and drew his sword on the spot.

Xie Lin’an.

I silently repeated the name several times, reminding myself in secret: An Ran, General Xie saved your life. One day, you must repay him properly.

After lying in the Imperial Medical Bureau for an entire day, I went straight to Yongxiang.

A maid unwanted by the emperor’s side was not someone any other palace would dare take in. After thinking it over, Yongxiang seemed the most suitable place for me.

This was where criminal servants were confined and punished. Beatings and scoldings were part of daily life. The executioner, Momo Sun, was broad-shouldered and thick-waisted. One slap from her could knock out a person’s front teeth, and palace maids throughout the palace turned pale at the mere mention of her. She stood in front of me with her sleeves rolled up, swung her whip hard, and dust burst from the floor. Even the stone tiles looked as if they might split under her lash.

“Why are you just standing there smiling instead of working?”

I said, “I think this place is very good.”

Everyone here was a criminal servant. No one could claim to be nobler than anyone else.

More importantly, Xiao Yu was not here.

Being away from Xiao Yu was very good.

“Sick in the head!”

Momo Sun spat, then walked off cursing under her breath.

When I had no work in my hands, I often thought of Xie Lin’an.

He was my savior, yet I did not even know what he looked like.

All I knew was that he was a general.

The borderlands must be bitterly cold, with drills every day. I wondered whether the winter clothes issued by the court could truly withstand the wind and snow beyond the pass.

I cut a length of silk into two pieces, stuffed them with cotton, and by the next morning, the rough shape of a pair of knee guards had appeared.

I sewed the knee guards, then unpicked them, then sewed them again. I did not know how to embroider those overly intricate patterns. I only hoped the stitches were fine and close enough to keep Xie Lin’an warm.

But that was all it was: a thought to hold on to.

I was a little palace maid with neither money nor power. A general of the outer court was hardly someone I could meet just because I wished to.

After I had stayed in Yongxiang for half a month, Xiao Yu sent the eunuch at his side to summon me back.

Xiao Yu sat in the very center of the main hall, looking at me as if I were a dog that had been chased away and then found again.

I knelt there holding up a cup of tea for more than half an hour before Xiao Yu finally took it from me.

He took a sip of cold tea and said, “An Ran, no matter what, you are someone who serves at my side. Running off to Yongxiang without permission… isn’t that a slap in my face? Who is the palace maid in charge of Yongxiang? Reward her with forty strokes of the paddle.”

Forty strokes. Even if she survived, she would be crippled.

My face went deathly pale. I dropped to my knees and begged him over and over.

But Xiao Yu’s patience had run out. He opened the dossier on his desk and ignored me, only ordering, “Bring me a fresh cup of hot tea. It seems your tea-making skills have grown more and more rusty.”

That afternoon, I was tending the flowers and plants outside the Imperial Study with several young palace maids when I accidentally overheard their whispers.

“Did you hear? Imperial Physician Liu’s body was loaded into a broken-down carriage and dragged out of the palace.”

“What? What did he do?”

“They say he offended His Majesty while taking his routine pulse.”

“But Imperial Physician Liu was always the smoothest at handling people. How could he have…”

“That… I don’t know either.”

I stood there in a daze, listening, and my hand slipped. The freshly cleaned glass vase shattered on the ground.

That night, as usual, I attended Xiao Yu while he washed up. After helping him change into his nightclothes, I lingered and did not withdraw.

Xiao Yu’s gaze drifted lightly onto me. He scoffed, “What? Don’t tell me you plan to stay and serve me in bed.”

I pressed my lips together and forced out the question through clenched teeth. “Imperial Physician Liu… did he die because of me?”

Xiao Yu gave a cold laugh. “That’s right. You finally had a clever moment.”

Thinking of Momo Sun, then of Imperial Physician Liu, I stood frozen in place. Suddenly, a bone-deep chill swept over me. I began to tremble uncontrollably and collapsed weakly to the floor.

“Why…”

All he had done was treat my illness. Was that enough to take his life?

Then why not simply take mine instead?

I could not accept something so cruel. With a burst of despair, I threw myself toward the pillar beside me.

Xiao Yu reacted quickly and stopped me.

My head struck his body instead, and then he seized my wrist and flung me to the floor.

He condescended to crouch before me, gripping my jaw and forcing me to meet his eyes. For once, he spoke with patience.

“An Ran, don’t tell me that after all these years at my side, this is the first time you’ve realized you can bring disaster on the people around you. Also, I warn you, don’t think death will be an easy escape. You still have family outside the palace, don’t you? If you die, they will all be buried with you. You had better think of them.”

Then who would think of me?

I turned my head and looked at the bright moon beyond the window. How lonely the moon was, without a single star to keep it company.

Tears streamed down my face as I asked Xiao Yu, “Miss Lian Cheng is dead, but in the end, I was not the one who killed her. What have I done wrong? Please enlighten me, Your Majesty. What exactly has An Ran done wrong?”

“You made me the laughingstock of others for years. Even a hundred lives would not be enough for you to atone.”

After a long silence, I said, “When you were attacked during your journey south, I was the one who saved you. Your injuries were so severe you could not swallow food, so I bit my finger open and fed you with my own blood.”

“What? Do you think I have treated you poorly, so you are reminding me that I owe you a life?”

“This servant would not dare.”

I knelt before him, looking at the bright, piercing dragon patterns embroidered on the hem of his robe, and slowly said, “Since Your Majesty finds the sight of this servant so hateful, then let this servant leave the palace.”

As if he had heard some joke, Xiao Yu’s lips curved into a smile. He scoffed, “You want to leave? Don’t forget, back then, you were the one who said you would never leave me.”