Chapter 3

Chapter 3

After Xie Zhao sent word that I should remarry, my small, cramped side courtyard was piled high with betrothal gifts from his younger brother, Xie Qingci.

“This is absurd! If he wants gardens or shops, things that belong to his brother, then let him take whatever he wants.

“But if he ruins Ah Ying, how am I supposed to face Ah Ying’s mother?”

I was sitting in the embroidery room, stitching my bridal veil, when Madam Xie hurriedly lifted the curtain and told the old maids to wait outside.

“Ah Ying, write another letter and ask Ah Zhao again.

“Telling you to remarry-he must have been driven senseless by that younger brother of his. You have to ask him clearly.”

I rubbed my fingers over the pattern on the veil.

I thought of how, when my mother was so ill she was near death, she could not let go of her worry for me and struggled, refusing to close her eyes.

It was Xie Zhao who took my hand, knelt before her bed, and promised my mother, word by word, that he would take good care of me.

Only then did my mother let go in relief and close her eyes in peace.

A trace of reluctance stirred in my heart, yet my throat felt stuffed with cotton. I did not know how to speak.

Seeing me lower my head in silence, Madam Xie looked out into the courtyard and noticed the betrothal geese I had cared for so meticulously, raising them until their feathers gleamed smooth and bright.

“Ah Zhao has had a cold temperament since he was little. Back then in Luoyang, who knows how many noble young ladies admired him?

“But he was only willing to look after you and concern himself with your family affairs. That proves he cares about you.

“I heard he also prepared many betrothal gifts in Gusu, waiting to come back and marry you.

“If nothing else, for the sake of all the effort he put into hunting those betrothal geese for you, you should ask him properly.”

Madam Xie’s words kindled a sliver of hope in my heart.

That was right. Other families used wooden geese to spare themselves the trouble.

But Xie Zhao had gone to great lengths to personally hunt a pair of live geese for me.

How could a Xie Zhao like that casually tell me to remarry?

One of the wild geese pecked at its feathers, then rubbed its head against my palm.

The soft down on its breast made my heart soften, too.

I weighed every word, ground the ink, lifted my brush, and carefully asked him what had happened.

Afraid that he was hurting over Fangyuan, over his parents’ favoritism, I added one small line at the very end:

“No matter what others do, I will always favor you.”

Madam Xie was overjoyed.

“Return all of the Second Young Master’s gifts.

“Tell Ah Zhao to return to Guangling at once and get married!”

Xie Zhao said his boat would arrive in Guangling that afternoon, and told me to remember to come meet him.

The night before, rain began falling at midnight, pattering on and on without end.

At dawn, I hurried to wash and dress, choosing my brightest skirt.

Then, worried that whoever was taking care of him might be careless, I deliberately brought an extra umbrella and waited for him at the ferry crossing.

I waited as people came and went, as boats docked and departed.

I waited until the ferry crossing was blurred by the downpour into a damp, murky yellow fog.

Still, I did not see Xie Zhao.

Perhaps-perhaps the wind was strong and the rain was heavy, and his boat had simply been delayed.

I was standing in the corridor, wringing water from the hem of my skirt, when I heard clear, tinkling laughter from the rear courtyard.

It was my stepsister, Cui Yu, laughing so hard she had collapsed over the table.

“You sent my sister to deal with your younger brother? Brother Ah Zhao, you really do know how to fight poison with poison.”

Xie Zhao had never held any expectations of me. His tone was calm and unruffled.

“She’s timid by nature. She never manages to get anything done.”

…

Xie Zhao was right.

I had failed even at the small matter of going to the ferry crossing to meet him.

Clutching the umbrella in my arms, I lowered my head in shame.

“Your boat clearly arrived yesterday.

“Why did you lie and tell her you’d be back this afternoon?”

Xie Zhao handed the gift list to Cui Yu, making no attempt to hide his weariness.

“You pick first. If she catches us, she’ll start crying again.

“When she cries… it’s very annoying.”

Cui Yu toyed with the slingshot in her hand and smiled slyly.

“So Brother Ah Zhao sent her away just so I could choose my gifts in peace.”

“But these are the betrothal gifts you prepared for my sister in Gusu. Is it really all right for me to pick through them first?”

Beside Xie Zhao, his pageboy Mo Shu hurried to ingratiate himself.

“The Eldest Young Master wanted some peace and quiet. He specifically said not to accept Eldest Miss’s letters. All she ever does is complain, and reading them only upsets him.

“And he was afraid that while he was away, Eldest Miss would bully you, so he only accepted and read your letters.”

Only then did I notice the trunks in the courtyard, still pasted with red wedding characters, were open.

The betrothal gifts Xie Zhao had brought had all been rummaged through by Cui Yu.

The mandarin-duck pillow towels had been trampled dirty.

The pearl bed curtains were tangled in a messy heap.

The female goose had one leg broken by a slingshot and was crying piteously.

Furious and frantic, I shoved Cui Yu hard from behind and gathered the betrothal goose tightly into my arms.

“Cui Ying!”

The shout above my head cracked like thunder, terrifying me.

Holding the betrothal goose, I stared blankly at Xie Zhao, unable to say a word for a long while.

Seeing me tremble with fright, Xie Zhao’s ugly expression eased a little.

He rubbed his brow and forced himself to be patient.

“Ah Ying, how many times have I told you?

“These are just material things. Once you marry into the Xie Family, you will have them all.”

…

But…

“You can’t accomplish anything properly, yet you insist on fighting over every little thing.

“You don’t understand the bigger picture and you don’t know how to yield. How are you supposed to manage the household after you marry in?

“Apologize to your sister!”

…

I didn’t want to apologize.

But for the past four years, I had always bowed my head, always apologized.

My spine failed me. It bent on its own first.

“…I’m sorry.”

Cui Yu grinned and made a face at me.

“Bah. I don’t care for a single one of the betrothal gifts you’re so obsessed with.

“Brother Ah Zhao, ignore her. My mother made sweet rice dumplings and told us to go eat together.”

The sky was dark, and the whole family was gathered together.

From the front hall came the laughter of Cui Yu’s family, along with the sweet fragrance of rice dumplings in fermented wine.

A maid came twice to pass along the message, but I did not answer. Xie Zhao only looked at me coldly.

“If you don’t want to eat, there’s no need to make a face about it.”

The courtyard was a complete mess.

I did not cry, nor did I defend myself.

I only silently took out a handkerchief and bandaged the goose.

But once the handkerchief was tied around the goose’s leg, I had nothing left to wipe my eyes with.

The betrothal goose in my arms blinked, then gently pecked my cheek.

Two scalding raindrops rolled from my eyes.

“Did you read any of the letters I wrote you?”

Xie Zhao said nothing.

I understood then. He had not read a single one.

“I wasn’t complaining. There was only something very important I wanted to ask you.”

The rain was too heavy. I could not see Xie Zhao’s expression clearly.

Perhaps he was stunned. Perhaps he hesitated, wanting to ask what it was.

But in the end, he did not speak.

Holding the goose, I rose silently.

The pageboy quickly offered me an umbrella.

“It’s late now, and the rain is so heavy…

“Where can Eldest Miss even go?”

Xie Zhao stared hard at my retreating back.

“Let her go.

“If she wants to marry into the Xie Family as the eldest daughter-in-law, she has to correct these faults.”

…

“Forget it. Give me the umbrella.”

A few days ago, I had often paced outside Fangyuan.

Now, with nowhere to go, I had somehow wandered back here without realizing it.

After being soaked in the rain all day, my clothes clung wetly to my body. I was both chilled and feverish.

Holding the goose, I sat down against the corner of the wall. Then, above my head, a patch of clear sky suddenly tilted over me.

Afraid he would scold me like Xie Zhao had and chase me away, I carefully looked up at Xie Qingci’s face.

“If I agree to marry you…

“Will I be allowed to hide from the rain here?”