Chapter 1

As I lowered my gaze, it happened to meet Jing Yan’s.

At eighteen, Jing Yan was like a length of bamboo bowed beneath the snow.

Black hair fell over his brow, framing eyes as dark as ink.

Cool, quiet, and so beautiful it made my heart clench.

I smiled at him without thinking.

Jing Yan looked away at once, so quickly it seemed like another form of disgust.

But when Gu Xinlin cradled her gift and asked carefully, “Yan, can I open it now?”

Only then did his expression soften.

“…Mm.”

On the dark-red velvet lay an irregular pendant of Hetian black jade, its deep color warm and lustrous.

Jing Yan’s mother teased, “Our Xiao Yan picked that himself. He even carved an ‘L’ inside the gold bail with his own hands. He may be a man of few words, but he’s more thoughtful than anyone.”

At that, Gu Xinlin’s cheeks grew even redder.

L for Lin.

Then my stepmother called to me. “Xiao Li.”

Guilt colored her voice. “Today was supposed to be your birthday, but your sister’s birthday next month falls right when school starts. That’s why I thought we’d celebrate early and throw one big coming-of-age party for both of you… You truly don’t mind, do you?”

I came back to myself and smiled at her.

“It’s fine, Auntie. The school already held a coming-of-age ceremony for us. A hundred or so students from the whole grade celebrated together. No one was more special than anyone else, and it still meant something. Besides, I’m meeting friends tonight. That’ll be my real birthday celebration.”

My stepmother’s face stiffened at the word “Auntie,” but she quickly covered it up.

“I see. Xiao Li, your sister is timid, unlike you, with all your friends. Jing Yan is in your class too, so when you all go out tonight, could you… take your sister along?”

My eyes curved as I gave her a radiant smile.

“No.”

My stepmother blinked.

She nodded awkwardly and sat up straighter.

I raised my eyes to the other side of the table.

Whenever Jing Yan was with Gu Xinlin, he had the patience of an older brother.

He looked into her eyes when he spoke. Their fingers brushed when he passed her something.

With me, Jing Yan kept a respectful distance.

Cold and withdrawn, as though he were avoiding something filthy.

That, together with what had happened three days ago… had finally made me decide to give up.

To end this hopeless, one-sided crush.

But slogans were one thing. Three whole years of having my heart rise and fall with him were another.

The instant I watched Jing Yan hand the gift to Gu Xinlin,

I almost blurted out:

Wasn’t that supposed to be for me?

Once, while we were chatting between classes about our hobbies, I said I liked collecting stones and crystals.

Jing Yan had been sitting in the row behind me. His pen had very clearly paused.

So why had he changed his mind at the last minute and pretended the gift was for Gu Xinlin?

Why couldn’t he look me in the eye and wish me a proper happy birthday?

Even if he didn’t like me, hadn’t we become friends first?

The sting behind my nose swelled fast, while my heart clenched beyond my control.

That was when I saw our future.

The floating comments had even spoiled the truth: Jing Yan had fallen for me at first sight. We had secretly loved each other all along.

Jing Yan… had a crush on me too?

In that instant, all the bitterness inside me evaporated.

All that remained was an indescribable bewilderment.

If liking someone meant making her miserable, how was it any different from hating her?

Just then, my phone buzzed.

【Pei Zhaoyan (Deskmate): Quiz with prizes: name the five things you consider most important in life.】

Already annoyed, I gave him a perfunctory answer:

—Heart, liver, spleen, stomach, kidneys.

【Pei Zhaoyan (Deskmate): That’s only four. You’re missing one.】

—? There are obviously five. How is that four?

【Pei Zhaoyan (Deskmate): Me—your heart-and-liver—spleen, stomach, kidneys. Exactly four, right?】

Me: “…”

【Pei Zhaoyan (Deskmate): You haven’t answered me for a whole second. Are you mad?】

【Pei Zhaoyan (Deskmate): I was wrong. Please don’t be mad at your good deskmate (><)】

【Pei Zhaoyan (Deskmate): To make it up to you, I've prepared three huge presents.】

【Pei Zhaoyan (Deskmate): But you have to hurry. Miss this chance and it's gone.】

【Pei Zhaoyan (Deskmate): I'll be waiting at the next place.】

I stared at the screen, the corner of my mouth twitching.

Then I stood, said a quick goodbye to the elders, and walked straight away from the table.

As I passed Jing Yan's seat, he finally looked up, his brows drawn low.

"…Where are you going?"

I stopped and turned back to him.

With a smile, I said, "To see my heart-and-liver."