Chapter 1

When I was alive, I once came across a popular question online: Mom, would you still love me if I turned into a cockroach?

I sent it to my mother.

She replied, “Of course. Even if my Xingxing turned into a cockroach, you’d still be the cutest one in the world. I’d take good care of you and give you the prettiest box for a house.”

I asked, “What if I turn into a cockroach and you don’t recognize me?”

Mom answered, “Then jump onto me and crawl onto my nose. Your mother’s eyes will know you.”

I hugged my phone and giggled like an idiot. The joys of being a mama’s girl were really that simple.

Back then, I never imagined that our silly little joke would become reality.

I truly turned into a giant southern cockroach.

And attended my own memorial service.

The bureau’s leaders and my colleagues were all there, their faces solemn. My closest apprentice stood beside my mother, supporting her by the arm and looking stricken with grief.

As for my mother, Ms. An—after only a few days apart, nearly half her hair had gone gray.

She was a woman who took pride in her appearance. She dyed her hair every two months and never tolerated more than three white strands on her head.

My cockroach heart nearly broke. Both my feelers trembled with grief.

The portrait displayed in the funeral hall was my favorite photograph of myself.

In it, my eyes were bright and piercing, my smile bold and confident, and a crescent-shaped scar sat beneath my right eye.

That scar was a medal from a fight I had won against a criminal. The picture had been taken after my promotion, when I was riding high on pride and ambition. I had printed several copies and kept them in my room.

But I had never dared let Mom see it. I had even undergone surgery to remove the scar so she would not worry.

Ms. An must have searched my room without permission. It was the first time she had ever done such a thing, but I forgave her.

As a giant cockroach that anyone would kill on sight, I dared not show myself while the mourners were there. I was afraid a shoe sole would deliver judgment before Mom had a chance to recognize me.

I waited a long time. Only after the last mourner had left did I emerge. Ms. An remained before my portrait, mechanically folding sheets of gold paper.

One gold ingot after another took shape in her hands, only to vanish into the flames.

She murmured, “Xingxing, my Xingxing, come back and see your mother. I miss you.”

“I’ll burn lots of gold ingots for you. I heard sending dreams from the other side is expensive, so I’ll send you extra. Please come visit me in my dreams.”

But she had once been a staunch materialist!

I could not bear to listen anymore. I crept out from my hiding place, hurried up to my portrait, found the crescent scar, and plastered my whole cockroach body over it, covering it completely.

Ms. An looked up. For one dazed second she stared at the cockroach clinging to the portrait, then burst into hysterical sobs.

“Xingxing, is that you? Did you come back to see your mother?”

She must have remembered the joke we had shared.

“If you’re my Xingxing, crawl onto my nose, all right?”

Ms. An, who had always been timid around bugs, leaned close. Her tear-filled eyes shone with desperate hope.

I shook out my wings, flew onto her, then crawled up to her nose and stayed perfectly still.

Mom! It’s me!

I wanted so badly to speak, but I was only a loathsome giant cockroach now.

Mom smiled, even as tears slid down her cheeks.

Looking at me perched on the tip of her nose, she choked out, “It is my Xingxing. I knew it. Even as a cockroach, my Xingxing is the cutest, prettiest one of all.”

Yes! Mom recognized me!

The first time had been so easy that I brimmed with confidence about the other six.