Chapter 1

When my mother was young, she had been beautiful and vibrant, a woman who loved and hated without reserve.

When Father took his first concubine, Mother wounded him with her hairpin.

When he took his second, she ran away from home with my younger brother and me.

Yet however often they fought, Father went on doing exactly as he pleased.

Only Mother changed. Little by little, she ran out of tears, and her health gave way.

Love really could ruin a person.

At Mother’s funeral,

Father gazed at her spirit tablet, his temples suddenly streaked with white.

“Ruofang, I’ve wronged you!” he sobbed in remorse.

While he was dazed with grief and weeping bitterly,

I gently persuaded him to draw up a dowry list for me.

“Ah Yao, don’t worry,” Father vowed. “You’ll never have any other sisters.”

The next day, he dismissed all his concubines and left home to clear his head.

Two years later, he returned.

By his side was another lovely woman, who had already borne him two children.

Good thing I’d already got the money, I thought.

“Ah Yao,” Father said guiltily, “I’ve found you an excellent match in Jiangnan.”

Father was well aware of his own faithlessness.

He enjoyed composing poetry, matching verses, drinking, and making merry.

He considered men like himself thoroughly worthless.

So he had gone to considerable trouble to arrange a marriage for me.

The son of the principal wife in a distinguished, scholarly Jiangnan family.

Handsome, I was told. Disciplined and proper, dignified and reserved, scrupulous in his conduct.

He sounded like an ideal husband.

I gave Father a doubtful look. How could such a fine man possibly have fallen to my lot?

“Don’t worry,” Father said smugly. “Your grandmother once did the Xiao family a great kindness. Once I brought that up, they had no choice but to marry you.”

So he had called in an old debt. It sounded like the beginning of a disastrous marriage.

That son of the Xiao family probably didn’t want to marry me, either.

But I had long wanted to leave this house. Whom I married hardly mattered.

I asked Father for the family’s address so I could write a letter.

Father had drunk too much, and his memory was poor.

The paper on which he had written the details was stained. Several words were blurred beyond recognition.

He glanced at it and declared confidently, “The Xiao residence on Vermilion Bird Street! That’s the one!”

Back in my room, I thought it over carefully before writing.

In my letter, I explained my circumstances in detail.

Then, after a moment’s hesitation, I put down:

“As I have said above, I am dull by nature, awkward in company, and little given to jokes. People often tell me I am rather boring.”

“If you do not wish to marry me, Young Master Xiao, please say so frankly in your reply.”

“There is only one thing I must ask of you. Please do not tell my father directly. Wait until I have brought my younger brother to Jiangnan for his schooling and we are settled. Then I would be grateful if you could find some excuse to tell my father you wish to end the engagement.”

Even if I never married, I still had to keep Father in the dark long enough to secure my dowry.