Chapter 4
I practically fled the banquet.
Whether the dream was real or not, I had to eliminate every chance of becoming entangled with Wanyan Shu.
Forget decorum—I gathered my skirts and hurried through the palace at a half run.
For some reason, Xiao Jinhe came after me. I tore my hand from his grasp and shrieked like a startled bird, “Don’t touch me!”
He froze briefly, then frowned. “You have always conducted yourself properly. Is Wanyan Shu the reason you lost your composure today?”
He was as perceptive as ever.
Unwilling to say more, I merely asked, “Did Your Highness need something from me?”
My impatience must have been too obvious, because Xiao Jinhe’s expression chilled.
“I only wished to ask the Second Young Lady whose hand in marriage she was seeking just now.”
So he had come to warn me off.
“Whoever it may be, it has nothing to do with Your Highness. I know your heart belongs elsewhere, and I have no intention of using my service to demand repayment.”
With his hands clasped behind his back, a flicker of surprise crossed his eyes.
I had always been reserved, but for him alone, my affection had been ardent and plain for all to see. The entire capital knew how deeply I loved him.
He surely could not believe I had let go so cleanly.
I decided to be perfectly clear. “The youngest son of Vice Minister Chen is gentle and free-spirited. If he does not mind that I am no longer chaste, I would ask Her Majesty to grant him some leisurely post and let him take me south to Jiangnan. If he does mind, then I shall simply never marry. That is hardly the end of the world.”
Xiao Jinhe’s brow twitched. His thin lips moved, but not a single word emerged. He merely stared at me without blinking, as though trying to see straight through me.
Chen Huaiyu loved me as I had loved Xiao Jinhe: silently, but with all his heart.
For every year I had spent trailing after Xiao Jinhe, he had spent one trailing after me.
Once spring arrived, pleasure boats gradually filled Jinming Lake.
Chen Huaiyu sent me yet another invitation to go boating with him.
He invited me every year, and every year I refused. This time, however, I wanted to see him.
Unfortunately, when I arrived, I ran into my sister and Xiao Jinhe at the docks.
One moment she was smiling sweetly at him; the next, she saw me and her face fell. She turned and urged Xiao Jinhe to board quickly.
Given his status, he should not have been out mingling with commoners at such a time. But my sister loved excitement, so he repeatedly broke the rules and slipped out of the palace to amuse her.
Xiao Jinhe boarded the pleasure boat and lifted the curtain for my sister to enter the cabin. After a pause, he looked back at me. “Are you… alone?”
His tone and expression almost made me think he meant to invite me along.
Did he feel guilty toward me?
What hypocrisy.
Suddenly irritated, I turned toward Chen Huaiyu in the crowd and replied, “I am meeting someone.”
Chen Huaiyu approached carrying a basket of green apricots. I had wondered why he told me to wait for him; it turned out he knew I was craving some fresh fruit.
He had met Xiao Jinhe before, yet remained neither servile nor overbearing, possessed of a scholar’s quiet dignity.
He handed me a golden-yellow apricot and smiled. “It’s been washed. Taste it and tell me if it’s sweet.”
How could I describe him? He had pursued me for years, yet even after finally securing a meeting, he never seemed overly eager to win my favor.
He was as easy and unhurried as the wind, moving to a rhythm of his own that no one could easily disturb.
I reached for the apricot and was about to take a bite when my sister suddenly said, “You still haven’t cured yourself of that gluttony. Who else do you plan to hurt over a morsel of food? Have you never reflected on what you did? Don’t you feel any guilt?”
She had spared no effort in airing her grievance over the years. By now, everyone knew the story of how I had caused her disappearance.
Most people said I could hardly be blamed, since I had been so young myself.
My sister plainly resented that their scorn had not drowned me. Every few days, whenever she found an opportunity, she made another cutting remark.
In the past, I had only endured. Father told me to endure, Mother told me to endure, and even I believed that if I bore it long enough, my sister would eventually move past what had happened.
But I remembered everything she had done in my dream—fanning the flames, framing me, and hurling false accusations. The more I yielded, the worse she became.
How could I endure any longer?
“Do you mean I should sew my mouth shut and starve to death? Would that finally atone for my sins?”
It was the first time I had ever spoken back to her. The cabin fell silent for a moment. Then I heard my sister choke out miserably, “Xiao Jinhe, come inside.”
His gaze shifted between Chen Huaiyu and me before he lifted the curtain and entered the inner cabin.