Chapter 3

I asked in confusion, “Do you mean the happiness that comes after a wish is fulfilled?”

He shook his head. “Some people make wishes without believing that means they can rest easy. If you truly want something, you can only do it yourself.”

“For instance, I like a girl, but I never told the City Goddess.”

A strange feeling welled inside me.

“If I prayed to the City Goddess, I don’t know whether she would help me.”

Shen Shiqi continued, “I even suspect the City Goddess would be unhappy about it.”

I said nothing.

I had not known Shen Shiqi liked a girl.

He had never mentioned her to me.

“So I must ask that girl myself.”

“Ah Ying, would you be willing to be with me?” His gaze burned into mine. “I like you.”

Until that moment, I had never known a deity’s heart could beat so loudly.

“You know my family. We’re merchants and don’t care much about rank. I’ve only passed the entry-level exam, so I may not be worthy of asking for your hand yet, but I will keep working toward the provincial examination—”

I could not speak. I could only stare blankly at Shen Shiqi.

Ah. This person liked me.

And I—

“Our Ah Ying is still young.”

The Matchmaker emerged from behind a pillar and smiled at Shen Shiqi.

“If you truly want to marry her, come propose again in ten years. Then she will marry you.”

Shen Shiqi’s mouth fell open. “Ten years?”

He grew indignant. “Your temple master is outrageous! Why keep you bound here so long? You’ve already worked five years. Do they truly mean to make you serve for fifteen?”

I looked at the Matchmaker, who was signaling frantically with her eyes, then at Shen Shiqi. Finally I nodded. “Yes. I have to work for a very long time.”

The previous City Goddess had served for a hundred years. I would probably serve for a hundred as well.

Shen Shiqi left full of worry.

The Matchmaker gave me a meaningful look. “Human feelings are the most fickle things, and a man’s heart changes even more easily. Why invite misery for yourself?”

She leaned close. “Humans are terribly faithless. I have seen far too many.”

Starting the next day, she brought me stacks of storybooks.

Every one featured a heartless, unfaithful man. Reading them made my head spin.

“If that is true, why do women still crowd your Yue Lao Temple without end?”

The Matchmaker sighed. “Women are the strongest creatures of all. They can nurture life and face pain with courage. That is why they can love more deeply, dare to love more boldly, and rise from suffering with greater strength.”

“They are experiencing their lives.”

“Who can say that is not a form of strength?”

In the end, Shen Shiqi failed to persuade me.

He looked dejected. “My father says a girl cannot be forced if she is unwilling.”

He fidgeted awkwardly. “Anyway, I haven’t passed the provincial examination. Anyway, you aren’t going anywhere. And anyway, we can still see each other often, can’t we?”

His damp black eyes watched me anxiously. “Can’t we?”

I nodded. “Of course. I am not going anywhere.”

Unfortunately, though I would not leave, Shen Shiqi would.

He had to prepare for the provincial examination. Seeing his intelligence, his tutors recommended that he study at Qingya Academy.

Compared with dazzling Luojing, a secluded academy far from worldly clamor was naturally a better place to concentrate.

“You truly can’t leave, can you?” he confirmed again and again.

His mouth said that I could not go, but his eyes, nose, ears, hands, and feet all begged me to go with him.

By then, I too could see what people truly felt.

I planted my hands on my hips. “Shen Shiqi, studying is your duty, and serving in the City God Temple is mine. Everyone has their own work and their own road to walk.”

Even if I really were only a little incense attendant, I would still have my own responsibilities.

Mortals might believe every pursuit inferior to scholarship, but in the eyes of the City Goddess, tending incense and studying books were merely different forms of cultivation.

Across countless cycles of reincarnation, every life walked an equally worthy path.

Even deities would one day vanish like smoke.

I gave Shen Shiqi an incense-ash glass bead and told him to wear it at his waist. “It will keep you safe.”

He looked pitifully reluctant. “I’ll write. On every second and fifth day, my family comes to offer incense. I’ll have them bring my letters. You must read them and write back.”

I nodded. “All right.”

“If anything new and interesting appears in the city, remember to send me some.”

“All right.”

“If you run into trouble, go to the Shen residence. I’ve told my family. You can go whenever you need.”

“All right.”

Only when there was nothing left to say did he finally depart, looking back at every third step.

Late that night, I sat alone on the stairs with my chin in my hands, gazing at the empty temple.

An udumbara blossom fell to the ground. I picked it up quietly and held it beneath my nose.

When a young man left the capital to pursue his studies, that was often the beginning of betrayal. The storybooks said so, the operas acted it out, and even the women visiting the temple murmured about it endlessly.

Once Shen Shiqi reached Qingya Academy, perhaps he would forget me.

I put down the flower, returned to the City Goddess statue, and fell into a deep sleep.

The next day, countless wishes would again be waiting for me.

Only Shen Shiqi would be absent.